The Scrap Paper Manifesto

Life in PA!

2011-06-25T16:35:00.003-05:00

Hello All!!
Ok, I haven't been keeping up with my blog, and I'm sorry about that. The move to central PA has taken most of my time. Lots of setbacks and short tempers but things are slowly shaping up.
Lemme splain...
1. The place I moved into was somewhat not ready for move in (some windows weren't working, some had no screens, all had no blinds, the place wasn't cleaned by the landlord, The backdoor doorknob keeps falling off, etc...)
2. The boxspring for my bed can't fit through the stairs, so right now, I'm just sleeping on the mattress
3. The Oven doesn't work!!! It did before! Now, it doesn't. WTF?!
4. It took forever to connect my DSL, and on top of that, my wireless network (obviously both are fixed now).
5. ORIENTATION HAS STARTED!!! I got my own long white coat, my pager, and my ridiculous schedule and everything else that comes with being a new intern. Quite overwhelming, really.

So I start next Friday, the 1st day of 4th of July Weekend, throughout the weekend! Umm...yea...no rest for the newbie.
On the upside, I enjoyed my downtime after graduation with my family and my girlfriend (miss you babe). I've been slowly putting things together and cleaning things in my new place. My landlord is working with me to get things all set up properly. And, I'm also enjoying getting to know my fellow pediatricians and the my new staff/faculty.
Good things.
This is a new chapter in my life. Now that I'm connected again, I'll be more diligent (maybe) in keeping up this blog.
Until next time, ;-).

Song of the day: "Pumped Up Kicks" - Foster The People

First Weekday of Med School Freedom

2011-05-14T00:35:00.003-05:00

05/09: And I spent it working on my loan repayment situation/apartment hunting.
It was quite depressing. The loan repayment situation, not so much the apartment hunting.
So far, I have organized my loans into groups according to which entities I will be making my payments to. OK, 3 so far. Not too bad. Now, comes the tricky part: which payment options to choose. Right now, I'm trying to figure out what my new cost of living will be in my new place of residence. More stuff to follow tomorrow.
Apartment hunting is going. The one apartment that I wanted, a school building rebuilt into a 2-bedroom, 2-bathroom, new kitchen with brand new appliances (dishwasher, range, microwave, fridge), washer/dryer, with hardwood/tile flooring and really good natural lighting (open floor layout with lots of windows) is $1200. Unfortunately its not in my price range. Will be looking at much more approachable living accommodations on Wednesday.

05/13: Wednesday has come and gone. And sad to say, the other places still didn't pan out. It's either too expensive or the move-in date is too late. I fear, I may have waited too long and all the good places are rented. Still, I remain hopeful. I'll try again next Monday.
In other news, I floated the idea of doing a Tough Mudder event to my girlfriend earlier this afternoon. A few minutes ago, she told me that she has a tentative team ready and would undertake the next year to train for the August event in her neck of the woods. To make things more interesting, she "invited" or rather "challenged" me to join her team. I admit I am very intrigued at the prospect of training and getting fit for such an awesome obstacle course, but it is not without some doubt that I made my mind about it.
So here's to me and my big, fat mouth. :)
Hey, I got through med school...what's a little 12-mile run with 16 obstacles, right? Right???

Song of the day: "Serpentine" - Chris Bathgate

Hello!

2011-04-21T21:01:00.002-05:00

My sister just gave birth to a 7 lb 2oz baby girl this past Monday.
Olivia's the name, don't wear it out.
C-section. Had to be done. She was stubborn from the get go.
Both mom and baby girl are doing fine.
I'm an uncle now! Officially!
Thankful, proud, and happy. That's me in a nutshell right now.
Now if only the allergies would stop, I would feel even better.

Song of the day: "Something Beautiful" - Trombone Shorty

Amazing! Simply Amazing!

2011-04-08T17:48:00.000-05:00

Something I came across while perusing through NPR's All Songs Considered Blog, by Bob Boilen. This music video is quite post-worthy all on its own, but it was also reminiscent of my most recent visit to my GF's place of residence. She took me to a local park that was absolutely beautiful. This reminded me of that beautiful moment with her.

Enjoy!

Song 2 of the day: "Jesu, Joy Of Man's Desiring" - J.S. Bach

New stuff!

2011-04-08T17:21:00.003-05:00

OK, just an update, no specifics.
1. I got matched into a program! I will be starting this coming July for Peds! (Hot sh...ut yo' mouth!)
2. Went to go visit my lovely GF for the weekend. Quite the trip, but well worth it! I <3 her :D. I miss her already!
3. The left headlamp of my car is out. Grrr. On the upside, it held on until AFTER my car inspection. That's my little sooper trooper.
4. I start my very last rotation on Monday! 1 month of pulm. I hope it all goes uneventfully.
5. My sister is getting ready to pop a new addition to the family anytime now. Condition status in the household is holding @ DEFCON 2.
6. Lots to do for the internship! Paperwork, background checks, looking for a new place to live, starting repayment on my loans!!! $200K+ in debt is quite the kingly sum. This is me, being sad... T_T (You like that emoticon, don't you? Yea, you do).
7. There are so many things vying for my attention right now that I have more free time...(catch up on my shows in Netflix vs. catch up on my light reading vs. sleep vs...) WHAT AM I SAYING?! I have paperwork to do and I still have to hunt for an apartment! Oh and study for Step 3!!! CRAP!
8. (It's raining + it's cold)^I forgot my dinner = sad^10.
9. Warmer weather is on the way, so at least that's something to look forward to. Gotta get me that fishing license and then I'm out w/ my tackle to the lake! Here, fishy fishy...
10. Nachos. Na-chos. With ranch or 7-layer dip. Or Buffalo wings. I need.

That is all.

Song of the day: "Poisoning Pigeons In The Park" - Tom Lehrer
I've been saving this one for such an occasion. Bon apetit!

Woo Hoo!!

2011-03-15T21:08:00.000-05:00

I matched!
I matched!
I matched!

And I find out where I'll be indenturing myself for the next 3 years this coming Thursday! I'm hoping I get in somewhere in my top 5 ranked hospitals and hoping against hope that I get my number 1 ranked Hospital!

I'll let you all know accordingly.

That is all.

This calls for some F-U-N music!!!
Song of the day: "Undercover Martyn" - Two Door Cinema Club

Talking weather and such

2011-02-28T23:11:00.001-05:00

It was such the warm, rainy weather today, I'd swear it was spring already. A few hours into the wee morning, was when it all started. I got woken up by uber bright flashes of lightning through my blinds, followed by startling crashes of thunder. I heard the few drops of the rain, and just like a baby, I went back to sleep.

I really did not want to get up @ 6:30 this morning.

It only got worse when I got to the Doctor's office only to find that he doesn't come in until 12:30pm and will be at his other office today.

So, got myself caffeinated and I was off to the library. To read. And nod off.

I was so tense today because of all the bad things other med students have mentioned about this doctor that I'm supposed to follow for my Pain Management Medicine Rotation. "He's such an asshole!" or "He's so full of himself!" Right off the bat, he asks me a question and of course I didn't know the answer. Well, he didn't chew my head off, thankfully. The day went on and we all saw patients with him and got to listen to him tell his "coming of age" stories. He was nice and he seemed genuine and not at all Assholey. I hope that's the same case tomorrow morning.

So the day ended with more rain. I got home, felt like napping but couldn't. Watched a litte TV, ate dinner, and read the assigned article for tomorrow. "The nonsurgical approach to low back pain" written by none other than the good doctor, himself.

I'm tired. I need to sleep. I miss my girlfriend. And all this rain is making me feel quite lonely. Facebook is quite the blight when you're in such a state. All those pictures of a past life...those people...those memories.

Well, it can't rain forever, I suppose.

Song of the day: "Purple Rain" - Martin Sexton (Orig. by Prince)

Blah...and not so blah.

2011-02-23T01:49:00.002-05:00

I'm tired of winter.
I'm tired of waiting.
I'm especially sick and tired of HOMEWORK!
Normally I don't mind doing some work especially if it's important for my medical edification. But if the powers that be start giving us busywork, then my eyes start to bleed and my brain starts to liquefy and leak out of my ears. That's what my next two weeks look like with my current rotation (pain and palliative medicine).

And now, I'm becoming more anxious and paranoid with every day the match gets closer. News of other medical students not matching for the osteo match is making me quite on edge. Sad part is, I can't do anything about it.

Good news is, my ankle feels better and I think I'm set to go for volleyball tomorrow.

Oh and I have a girlfriend now. We've been seeing each other for a while. She's cool. And I love her. =).

Bye for now.

Song of the day: "Crazy" - Alice Russell (Gnarls Barkley Cover)

Ankle

2011-02-17T02:53:00.000-05:00

So there I was, playing volleyball. I jump for a block @ the net, and next thing you know, I'm landing on the opponent blocker's foot (he had stuck it out past his side of the net, which might technically be a no-no), causing me to roll my right ankle.

Yea, its nice and swollen. By tomorrow, it'll be all black and blue-like...rotten banana-esque I should say.
And to make things worse, I spilled the ice water on my bed.

My night is really starting to shape up.

Song of the day: "Fixed" - Stars

Post post

2011-02-10T22:51:00.000-05:00

Roughly a month to go before my match...chomping at the bit.

Some new things.
- joined 2 volleyball intramural leagues. Now I'm coming home with sore shoulders and backs and thighs, oh my. It's good tho. Can't complain. I still need to lose the Christmas and pre-christmas weight.
- Finished my ED rotation today. My eval reads: all excellent except for the final grade - high pass. The preceptor doesn't give honors grades. Grrr. If I didn't like him so much I would've slapped him right then and there. Well, maybe not. But still, that's just messed up!
- Going home tomorrow to see the 'rents and the doggies. That should be fun!
- My check engine light needs to be addressed soon before my next inspection this month. Either I need a new catalytic converter or an O2 sensor or some sort of spacer, which could mean the difference between paying by the 10s, 100s, or 1000s. Vehicle upkeep is such an expensive pain in the ass.
- Found out a few days ago that some of the programs I applied for had never received my Step 2 scores...well thanks for letting me know sooner, Pa! I hope that doesn't affect my application, tho.
- I have developed a new affinity for shortbread cookies.
- I heart Netflix. Period.
- There are plenty of very ripe bananas in my fridge that require my immediate attention. Looks like it's banana nut bread for the weekend.
- Hearing things from nice people that presents are forthcoming. AWW YEAH! Those nice people are the bestest! Hope to see them, and you, soon =).
- Starting a new rotation come Valentine's day: Pain and Palliative Medicine. Woo. Hoo. Quite the depressing change of scenery. I'm already missing my strokes and CHFs and Lacerations =(.
- Too many friends are getting married. No, I'm not in a rush to get married myself. I just have a limited budget and so I can't exactly splurge on wedding presents as I'd like to. I like weddings. Weddings are cool.

OK, I think that's enough for now.

Song of the day: "Sugarfoot" - Black Joe Lewis & The Honeybears

ER and things

2011-01-26T14:13:00.000-05:00

In the ED rotation now.
Long weekend (two 12-hr shifts).
Sutured 2 lacerations today. Need to be better, be more organized, more confident.
Went 0 for 2 on the venous sticks today. Quite the disappointment. There's still more veins out there.
Then lost 4 times on the Volleyball field today, despite a valiant and a very much improved effort by my team.

But I feel good.

In other news, Match is coming up. Yea. Cue ulcer.
For those of you who don't know what Match is, let me s'plain...
It is that fateful moment when all the medical programs we medical students applied to get to tell us that we are hired!
So as a med student, I apply to X number of programs. They, in turn, receive many med school applicants (myself and the thousands of others applying for a job) for interview. In the end, there can be only one!!! Wait, got movie side-tracked...
In the end, each medical program participating in the match ranks their medical applicants from 1 to whatever. And each one of us applicants get to rank the programs we applied to from 1 to whatever, as well. So, a match happens when a program and an applicant rank each other evenly. This is done by a big computer in the sky. Whatever. The rub is this, I'm competing against many (hundreds) medical students for a limited number of positions (it can be as low as 1 or as high as 60, mine is between 6-24) in my top ranked programs and each of my top ranked programs gets to generate their own rank list of applicants.
Now, I interviewed in 12 pediatric residency programs. I'm ranking all of them. It is my hope that my top ranked programs put me within their high rankings, so come match day, I get into a residency program that I like and of course, a job come June/July.
So there are multiple types of matches (military, San Francisco, ACGME, AOA, etc). I am going for the allopathic match despite me being a DO student. It affords me greater geographic range and more options for residency (not all residencies are the same). Disadvantages, both DO and MD students can apply in the allopathic match, so the competition gets larger and stiffer.
This is the ulcer part: Worst case scenario, I don't match and I have to scramble, meaning I get on the phone and call every program that has an available opening to see if they'll take me. It's not very pleasant, nor pretty, and it certainly puts you in a program that is not necessarily your specialty let alone choosing.
Allo match goes down some time in March (DO or AOA match happens in Feb). Until then, I cross my fingers, write my thank you letters, and pray to God I didn't screw up my interviews/rank list.

And that's the update.

Song of the day: "Kids" - MGMT

2011, here we go!

2011-01-15T18:41:00.001-05:00

Finished my ICU month, fairly unscathed. Learned a few things which were really good. Going to do an Emergency Medicine rotation month next. Wish me luck! The rest of my 2011 is also looking good so far. My last interview (Massachusetts) is in sight. The end of my interview road is near and I am really happy its close by. All this traveling and spending is really taking its toll on me and my car. I'm also in the process now of making my rank list of residency programs that I want to go into. Yet another stressor and source of headache for me, but it must be done. Match day is this coming March. Wish me luck!
In other news, I joined an intramural volleyball league that should help me be less sedentary. Lots of fun and makes my weekends less crazy. And also there are other new changes that are making me smile more nowadays, so that is always good.
That's all for now.
New Year's Resolution: Less procrastination. Seriously!

Song of the day: "Every Night Is Friday Night (Without You)" - The Old 97s

2011

2011-01-02T15:23:00.001-05:00

Happy New Year!
Hope all is well with you and that this year will be better than the last!

P.S.
Keep those resolutions, eh? Cool!

SongS of the day (that's right boys and girls, you get a 2-fer!): "Mr. Sandman" and "If You Think You Need Some Lovin'" - Pomplamoose

If these nutters seem familiar to you, they're in the new Hyundai Holiday Commercials. I love them!

I'm still alive

2010-12-27T01:55:00.000-05:00

Yes, yes. I've been away too long.
But at the behest of certain readers out there (you know who you are), I have come back.
This month has been really busy and ridiculously hectic for me.
So I will try to sum up some of my insights from this past month in my usual list fashion (don't you just love it?):

1. I was on away rotation about a month ago in another state. I will not name said state, only that it was very cold there and I had a ridiculously hard time getting comfortable there. Needless to say, my performance suffered. But it was to my benefit that I have learned several things that I really needed to work on before my internship year begins, all from this one rotation. I can be thankful for that.
2. As much as I enjoy driving, I'm happy to be home. I was quite afraid I was going to get a DVT.
3. I spent way too much money on presents this year (but they all deserved it).
4. The lines this year were surprisingly short and bearable. And I didn't run into traffic at all (Except in Maryland. That just sucked).
5. Once again, Sears comes through for me. I <3 you!
6. Interviews are starting to wear me down. I hate taking time off from my current rotation so I can go for interviews. I wish my school gave us a month off for these things. And I'm not too keen on canceling any of them, but the more I look into it, I might just have to...ugh.
7. Still freaking out about matching into these residency programs.
8. The need to finish Thank You letters is mounting. Like, a lot! I have 3 schools to write for still!
9. Thank goodness, I finished all my bill-paying today. Now if the mailman will so kindly brave the blizzard, I will gladly hand him my posts.
10. My laundry doesn't seem to want to end. Where are all these dirty clothes coming from???
11. Seems like I'll be doing some flying as well in the next month. Miami and Houston, Yay!
12. I need a personal assistant. STAT!
13. Wow, this blizzard is really coming down like mad. This is seriously a white out! Not really looking forward to shoveling all of this crap tomorrow. But I suppose, it's a small price to pay for a snow day.
14. Nothing beats mom's home cookin'! Yum.
15. I seriously need to catch up on my TV. I'm making a Christmas request for next year: DVR, please.
16. It's amazing to see that Barnes and Noble has a whole section dedicated to teen vampires. What has the world come to?
17. It drives me up the wall when my school decides to do didactic teaching that is remotely relevant to our clinical learning. Why they insist on doing some humanities course now instead of something more useful like, oh developing assessment and plans or even being a more coherent/cohesive presenter of patient information, is really beyond me. My teeth hurt because of it. Wait, never mind. That's just the tin foil.
18. I have eczema. In my hands. And I want to peel the tar out of them because they itch so much. Nuff said.
19. And since I have hand eczema, I now have a new bane in my existence...the hospital hand sanitizer. When your hands are dry and cracking, dousing them with alcohol gel does not a happy med student make.
20. Is it spring yet?

Dun.

Song of the day: "Jupiter Or The Moon" - Los Lobos

Ok, that's all I got for now. I'm sure something amusing will

To the wire

2010-12-12T22:58:00.000-05:00

Last week of my current rotation. And this time, it's a doozey. I have call on Monday and Thursday. That translates to two 30-hour in-hospital stays. Yuck. And Friday can't get here any sooner. God help me find the strength to endure and please help me not Fuck up.
It's snowing here and it's making everything look very Christmasy. Still, there's a sense of loneliness that comes with it, being away from home and from everything that's familiar to you and all. Thank goodness for friends. Especially ones that will put you up for the night or the month, or keep you company during the long hours, or cheer you up when things are rough.
This past month has certainly been challenging. It has for many a time, made me question my competence as a new physician. I bemoan much of my school's shortcomings during my training years, but that wouldn't be entirely fair. I have done my fair share of slacking off. So in a way, I am as much to blame for my misery now as my school. I suppose I'm really angry at myself for not being as stellar in this rotation as I thought I would be.
It really sucks when I know I'm right.
On another note, I need to get crackin' on my Christmas shopping. Yet another part of the season that I have been absolutely slack with. I owe lots of people good presents. They've been very good to me this year and I don't think I could have made it in one piece if it weren't for their help, love and supprot.
Thank goodness this rotation is the last of my away electives. I do enjoy the travel, but seriously, being a nomad is starting to take its toll on me. I miss my own bed and being in familiar surroundings. In a way, I can be thankful for the experience of what a bad residency can do to a person. It has shown me the importance of having family and loved ones nearby. It's nice knowing that other people have your back when the proverbial shit hits the fan. On that note, for this Christmas, I wish to find a residency that would suit me accordingly. One that will provide me with great training, but at the same time be supportive and forgiving of my foreseeable iniquities. Oh, and one with lots of cool and helpful new friends. Amen.

Song of the day: "I'll Be Home For Christmas" - Holly Conlan (Hotel Cafe Presents Winter Songs)

Exercise in futility

2010-12-06T22:05:00.000-05:00

I don't know why but my current rotation just leaves me feeling dumber than when I came in, especially on days when I am post-call.
There were other rotations I had done before that I think were just as rigorous and I was fine, but somehow this one really manages to suck the life out of me. I'm trying my best. I really am. It just seems never good enough for them. I'm not good enough.
The really sad part is just when I was feeling a little more comfortable about treating patients, now I've become more tentative and unsure of myself.

Song of the day: "Lost In My Mind" - The Head And The Heart

Good song

2010-11-28T23:05:00.000-05:00

Don't you just hate it when you got a kick ass song on the radio on your way back home and you're uber pumped and you're singing the shit out of the tune when all of the sudden, you run out of air and you end up choking on your spit as you gasp desperately to catch your breath? Ugh, now it hurts to cough, it hurts to breathe, and I am not the driving rock star I envisioned myself to be.

EPIC FAIL.

P.S. Still coughing.

Song of the day: "No Such Thing As Love" - Bleu

Give thanks

2010-11-25T23:38:00.001-05:00

Happy thanksgiving everyone!

There are always many things in our lives that we can gripe about (please see the previous numerous entries), but we must always remember the few things in our lives that we can be thankful for. These are the things that help to sustain us in our hard times. These are the things that help to put our minds and lives into perspective, knowing that so many more people out there are much less fortunate than us. And perhaps we all should be moved to share such good fortune with our neighbors and fellowmen. Not just so we can feel better about ourselves or prove to others that we are charitable or better than they are or gain brownie points for heaven, but more so to remind us that wishing for a better world doesn't begin with the next person...No. It begins with us. And it doesn't take much to do a good deed...a simple thank you, a smile for the day, a helping hand, hell a simple silent moment so we can listen better to what the other person is trying to tell us. Whatever you can think or do to make another's day a little better does count for a lot. Now, imagine if that simple human decency is carried out by everybody...wow. I think it would blow many people's minds as to how peaceful our race can really be. Perhaps then, we might be recognized by the aliens as a species that's worthy of inclusion in the grand galactic federation of planets. Perhaps.
The point is, it is only too easy to fall into hard times. There is no talisman that can ward off the next illness or the next financial loss or the next catastrophe. Our good deeds may not prevent the end of the world, but we can always hope to inspire a few more souls out there with our humble yet powerful actions, and maybe, just maybe...even at the end of the world, life itself, wouldn't be so bad. Not when we can be thankful for each other.
And so, here are my thank yous...
1. To my family, for being themselves. Despite all my arguing and bellyaching, they are always there for me. Love you and thank you!
2. To new friends. You know who you are. Thank you for your time, support, and most of all, your acceptance of this eccentric, odd duckling. It's nice to know I have a place to stay when I'm in your neighborhood. And yes, you can stay with me when you're in my neck of the woods.
3. To old friends. It's nice to know that we can always pick up where we left off even if we haven't seen each other in a long while. That, and I can always rely on you all if I need to get rid of a body...figuratively speaking, of course.
4. To my health. While it may not exactly be good, it can always be worse.
5. To those who helped me along the way...through med school, rotations, sub-I's, for sharing their couches, food, wisdom and good company...many many thanks!
6. To my car, for being such a trooper after all the miles of driving up and down Jersey and many points outside...way outside!
7. To the hard times. Yes, I know what I said. They always tear me down, but somehow I find myself always built up. Better (It also helps when you have family and friends to back you up).
8. To my Garmin Nuvi, for ALMOST always getting me there. One request...please learn how to navigate through the Philadelphia suburbs. Other than that, you're golden! Thank you.
9. To Haribo Gummy Bears. Even though you chipped one of my fillings, I can't stay mad at you. You're just so good!
10. To Wikipedia. Well, I'm sure many of you can figure out why =).

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!! SHARE THE LOVE!!!

Song of the day: "The Elephant Love Medley" - Moulin Rouge (Soundtrack)

RAWR!

2010-11-21T23:25:00.000-05:00

One good turn deserves another.

Attention, eligible bachelors in the West Coast (Man-Children need not apply):
::Drum roll::
She's an intellectual without the condescension, shifting from Shakespeare to the Canucks in one effortless turn of the conversation.
She has elegant fashion taste (even with leopard print pumps) and makes it look effortless.
A natural when it comes to all things kitchen. Even with GF foods!
She's a hottie.
She's fit (like, "marathoner" fit).
And she's wicked funny.
Here's a lady that would make your mamas proud.

But of course, I can't drop you the 411, just like that.

So here's a hint: She might swing by in this here Bat Station, if you're lucky ;-).

Song of the day: "Peel Me A Grape" - Diana Krall

(I think this is what you need after today.)*

Simmer down!!!

2010-11-18T21:56:00.001-05:00

The background:
This past month, I've been having lunch with and getting to know this pretty cute med student. She calls me her "lunch buddy." So yea...

Today:
This afternoon, I was doing a consultation when I see her out of the corner of my eye, walk in to the station. She doesn't say hi, she doesn't wave. She talks to another medical student and laughs at his joke or some other random comment.

Then I feel it. That all too familiar gorge rising, my face feeling flush, and the pulse in my temple pound. I was getting pissed. At her. At him. Seriously, I was getting jealous.

It took me a few minutes to settle down. I thought, "What the hell is happening? I'm getting all worked up, about NOTHING!!! WTF, man!!!"

I seriously never pegged myself to be the jealous type. But here I am, "civil as an orange" to quote an old play.

Wow. Who knew?

Song of the day: "Careless" - Amos Lee

It never fails...

2010-11-10T22:57:00.001-05:00

Just when I think I'm having a good day, something always pops up to check me. Case in point, my last interview. The day went on smoothly, and I had a wonderful chat with my interviewer. By the end of it all, she gave me a very good recommendation. I thought, "sweet!"
After the interview, I hightail it to S.J. to get to my other doctor's appointment. I'm going an easy 80 on the Parkway (the same speed as everybody else, mind you), when Mr. State Trooper pulls me over for speeding. Granted, he's just doing his job, but seriously, there were like, 20 other cars going the same speed as me, if not faster! Regardless, I got a $56 ticket (no points, thank you Jesus!) and to top it all off, my car battery dies (I left the hazards and the radio on too long, I guess). Good thing I had my brand spankin' new automatic jump starter handy. It didn't work at first try, but a few adjustments of the clips and my car was back to life.
I made it to my appointment on time, only to find that my doctor is still clueless about my condition. So, she biopsied a piece of my skin (ouch!) and sent me for more blood tests. Lovely.
In summary:
Good = interview
Bad = speeding ticket, dying car battery (I have to buy a new one, BTW), still unknown malady. There are definitely more things to bitch about, but I figure, I should just limit it to the events of the day. Can't be too gloomy, right? Right!

In spite of all that, the interview I think made up for all of this other nonsense. I suppose we'll know in a few months.

Oh, just an update...I passed the 2nd part of my Boards as well as the PE portion! Woo hoo!! No more big exams until next year! Hahhhhhh...that's me breathing a brief sigh of relief...for now.

Song of the day: "Bug In A Web" - CALLmeKAT

Damn you, Nick Hornby! Why do you have to be so right?!!!

2010-11-07T15:12:00.001-05:00

I heard this song a while back and I've been meaning to comment about it here, but alas, I've been sidetracked multiple times.

Well, not today.

Anyhoo...this is probably the most honest story I've heard in a very long time. And the saddest.

What do you think?

Song of the day: "From Above" - Ben Folds and Nick Hornby

Self Dx

2010-11-01T22:53:00.000-05:00

OK...after much research, I think I have found a diagnosis for my ailment.

Eczema. Pure and simple. Nummular eczema, I think, to be specific...with matching hand eczema to boot. What pisses me off is that I have no idea what specifically triggered this.
So, I think my dermatologist got my diagnosis wrong, but her prescribed treatment is appropriate for the diagnosis I came up with for myself. The sad part is, I don't know exactly how long I'm to be on the steroids. My skin is drying out: good for the itchy parts, but bad because my skin gets really thin, and it cracks and bleeds. Also, I think I'm having a pretty bad resurgence of acne because of the steroids as well.
The disease process also doesn't necessarily abate like an infection or an injury. I don't have a time frame for how long this condition will last. For now, I'm calling it sub-acute, considering it's been more than a month and it's somewhat under control.
In summary: I'm a poor med student with itchy, bad skin...who owns a car that's making concerning noises despite multiple, costly interventions...and lives out of a suitcase, currently looking for a job. And I'm single. And hungry.

Could be worse.

I could be constipated too.

Song of the day: "Dream About The Future" - The Apples In Stereo

Disappointed

2010-10-20T22:52:00.001-05:00

My faith in the medical field is starting to wane. When it seemed like my condition was beginning to abate on a course of steroids, after the pills were finished, my malady began to surface once more. Frankly, I'm disappointed that the medication only masked my symptoms for a while. And I'm not entirely convinced that the doctor got my diagnosis exactly right.

I'm uncomfortable, I'm itchy, and I'm starting to look like Quasimodo...at least, my hands do, anyway.

And the timing couldn't be any more perfect. For the next 3 months, I will be doing a lot of traveling to different rotation sites and various residency interviews. At a time when personality, board scores, and looks are taken into consideration, I am deathly afraid that I might end up going into one of these interviews all covered in band aids and looking like a psychotic leper.

I need help. And I need it, fast. :(

Song of the day: "Repo Man" - Ray LaMontagne and the Pariah Dogs

Ermmm...sorry.

2010-10-17T02:19:00.000-05:00

For being away so long, I apologize.

I have been sick. For about a month.

At first I thought I was having a bad allergic reaction to something I don't know.

Then the hives got worse and then I thought "bedbugs." I know, gross.

I became quite paranoid and pretty much vacuumed and cleaned and recleaned and re-recleaned everything I had.

But the damn hives didn't get any better...that is until I was put on steroids.
Apparently it was an allergic reaction to either a viral or a bacterial infection that I had recently.

Well, so far, the itchiness and hives have gone away for the most part. Lets hope they stay away for good once I finish the steroid regimen.

On another note, I went to a friend's wedding and managed a slow dance with one of her friends towards the end of the reception. Then I asked for her number (my friend's friend). Then she gave it to me. Problem is, she lives in Connecticut and getting in touch with her is a bit dodgy. I called her a week ago, she called me today, I texted back. I'll call her again tomorrow to see if I can make a date happen.

So my Massachusetts rotation is all finished. It was a very mixed outcome at the end of it all. I had an Honors and Pass grade...I guess I wasn't as good in my last rotation as I thought I was. On the upside, I did learn a lot, and I enjoyed myself there for the most part. Now if only they'd send me an invite for an interview.

Speaking of which, I have 11 residency interviews to date. The first one, being done this past week. Not much to go on. Lots of vague questions, and plenty of me, being absolutely nervous and possibly babbling the whole time. That and I was fighting the fatigue from the night before, not being able to sleep properly because I was so nervous. I hope the next interview will be better.

So, that is my update. More to come soon, I'm sure.

Song of the day: "Intro" -> "Crystalized" - The XX (Live)

Something

2010-09-28T02:11:00.000-05:00

2 generalities I stumbled upon tonight that might be important for the rest of the male single persuasion:
1. It pays to be the guy who knows how to fix things.
2. Being funny goes a long way.

Song of the day: "Tonight I Can Write..." - Andy Garcia reading a poem by Pablo Neruda (From the movie "Il Postino")

Hurray +2!!

2010-09-16T20:05:00.000-05:00

2, count'em...2 - interviews for residency so far. I hope all of this pans out!

Song of the day: "Angel Dance" - Robert Plant

HURRAY!!!

2010-09-16T00:44:00.001-05:00

Ok, not exactly hurray, but maybe a mini one.
I finally submitted my applications for residencies!
I've made my decision about 9 residency programs so far.
I want to add about 9-10 more.
Pray for interviews soon!
My rotation here in Massachusetts is almost at an end. It's been amazing to say the least. I'm also going to miss living with my old college friends as well. They've been more than gracious and generous hosts. I hope that I get considered for a residency post here.
Now I have to study for another standardized test for next week.
But first, I have to book a hotel near the testing site. It's a pain in the butt to drive all the way from Mass. to Conshohocken, PA on test day.

...feels like all I've been doing is just spending money. Oh well.

Song of the day: "Two Weeks" - Grizzly Bear

Epic tech fail

2010-08-30T23:37:00.001-05:00

My ipod touch is being a bitch. A stupid whiney bitch. And it's making me into a biotch!!!
WTF! After I updated my itunes, it decides to go all error-y on me and not sync properly. Now all of my songs are without an ipod and it's driving me up the wall trying to figure out what the hell went wrong. What's worse is I can't manually put the songs back into the Touch because of even more "errors" that itunes is telling me about. Weak.

Not cool, Apple.

Song of the day: "Drop" - Cornelius

Hey, remember that time...

2010-08-26T23:25:00.001-05:00

I had just finished my first gen chem exam during my freshman year in college.
It was Hard. With a capital H.
All I wanted to do afterwards was eat soft chew cookies. With milk.
So I went to the grocery store and picked up a pack of Chips Ahoy and a quart of milk.
I ate the cookies. The milk, I put in the fridge and forgot about it.
A few days later, I got worried that the milk might go bad, so I bought another thing of cookies and this time I drank the milk with them (and yes, I did check the expiration date...and it was still good).
A few hours later, I had all sorts of stomach problems. Painful and noisy stomach problems.
I thought about the milk being the culprit.
So I called my friend, Chris and told him about how I got gyped by buying fast-expiring milk, even tho it tasted fine.
He said I had lactose intolerance.
I never had problems tolerating lactose-containing foods before. I refused to believe.
I told him that if I did have lactose intolerance, I'll just keep drinking milk until I grow a tolerance for it.
And so I did.
Bad idea.
Really bad idea.

And that's how I found out that I had lactose intolerance.

The End.

Song of the day: "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life" - Eric Idle (Monty Python)

"Like a 45 record in the back of my mind..."

2010-08-16T21:49:00.002-05:00

As usual, another band beat me to my own lyrics.
This band is absolutely mining my own thoughts.
GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!
But I can't really fault them. They're really good musicians.
And this song just has a really fun retro 80's feel with hints of Spoon in it - and catchy as all hell.
It's been stuck in my head since this afternoon on the drive back home.
The song pretty much describes the kind of crushes I tend to fall for. As sad as how that may come out.
So it's ok to be in my head...this time.

Song of the day: "What's The Drawback" - The Silver Seas

Music and the mind

2010-08-07T22:59:00.002-05:00

Ok, remember a few posts back when I featured Ms. Melody Gardot in my "Song of the day" portion? Well, just recently, I came across an article that was featured in my school's website and it focused around Ms. Gardot and one of my professors, Dr. Jermyn, who had a hand in helping her to rehabilitate after an unfortunate accident that happened to her a few years ago. Shortly put, Ms. Gardot was hit by an SUV, which left her in chronic pain and other debilitating sequelae. After exhaustive treatments with drugs, physical therapy, etc. with many doctors, Dr. Jermyn finally suggested that she should restart what she used to do for fun as part of her rehab program, which was playing the piano. Sure enough, it helped her to heal, and in a big way too, since she's now a very accomplished jazz performer and recording artist.

Here's the school link and the Elle link as well. It's called "Composing Melody: The Enigmatic Melody Gardot."

Hope you likes.

Song of the day: "Over The Rainbow" - Melody Gardot

...like you didn't see this coming.

Week 1, dun!

2010-08-07T21:45:00.004-05:00

One week down, 7 more to go, with call duty, step 2 and step 2 PE. Bring it!

Today, I pretty much tried to be as productive as possible. Got up early, read a bit, went to the local farmer's market, got some fresh produce and hightailed it back to the lair to cook up my catch all before 11am. Not bad.

Once belly was full and amply caffeinated, I proceeded to hit the Q-bank with gusto. Looks like I'm ready w/ peds and surgery questions. IM, however is still proving to be a tough nut to crack. did about 200 questions. Will probably do 200 more tonight if I don't get all comatose-like after dinner.

6pm. Off to Whole foods to get more provisions that I wasn't able to get from the FM. Big shocker: 13 bux for almond butter. WTF?!?! While it is fun to peruse the aisles for all the colorful, organic fare, the prices are just ridiculously out of hand. Looks like I'll be sticking to my good ol' Shoprite for the time being. I tell you what tho, I found this amazing can of butter beans, and I might just be tempted to go back, just to stock up on them.

A 1/2 hour later, it's off to the neighboring liquor store for some cold beverages. This place had a crazy variety of local beers...I was so tempted to buy at least 3 different 6-packs. But, good sense and lack funds did sway me back to sobriety, so I just bought the Sam Adams coastal wheat (wheat ale w/ California lemon peel). I must say, I found a new Sam favorite. This went well with the steak and bean-carrot-tater hash that I prepped for tonight's supper.

So far, so good.

Song of the day: "Rubber Duckie" - Ernie from Sesame Street

Massachusetts: Day 1, noonish

2010-08-01T13:39:00.001-05:00

Overslept, but then again, I was up plenty late last night. I hope I don't oversleep in the next 2 months.

As I said, the only snafu last night was the futon not unfolding. Otherwise everything else has been pretty nice up here.

Living by myself these past few weeks (my sis and BIL were vacationing in the the Philippines) has made me realize how much I enjoyed being independent, having my own place to stay. Being here in my friend's condo is making it even more apparent. Aside from the usual headaches of owning your own place (rent, upkeep, utilites, etc), that feeling of independence you get is well worth the price - "a man's home is his castle" is definitely true.

It's peaceful up here. The weather has been very nice and cool. Chris's place has lots of windows and the rooms get really good light, which makes me happy. It's a 3 story condo so I get a very cool elevated view of the street below. Him and his wife Allison have similar tastes as I do (we were all friends in college), so I feel very at home in their condo. There's plenty of eccentricities around this place: books, instruments, electronics, artwork, and lots of gadgets that I need to familiarize myself with (especially their fancy coffee maker), but that's what makes this place fun.

It's a little lonely being here on my own, but never sad. I've been doing lots of remembering, random rehashing of good times in the past few years. Lots of speculation of the near future as well (Step 2, Residency Applications, Interviews, Matching, the "single"ness ). It can get distressing at times, but I think it's a potent impetus for me to get my things in order for now. It also makes me feel busy so I'm not bored.

I'll go food shopping today and later on, take a drive to the hospital that I'll be working in tomorrow so I can better orient myself. For now, It's study time, coffee, and Miles.

Song of the day: "It Never Entered My Mind" - Miles Davis

Massachusetts: Day 1

2010-08-01T02:04:00.001-05:00

Rolled into town about 1am. Earlier in the day, I was over @ my friend, Chris's family gathering, getting fed to the gills with delicious food and even better dessert (FYI, fresh peaches with a flour crust in cobbler is ridiculously good) and getting absolutely humiliated with Chris and Allison's wedding video of me, drunkenly shaking my booty on the dance floor.
Chris and Al were kind enough to house me for the next 2 months here in MA for my subinternships. While they go on their much delayed honeymoon (about a year or so), I am sorta house-sitting for them at the same time. So far, so good. Seems like the only hitch is the futon, not cooperating with me with the unfolding. Stubborn futon. Oh well.
The ride was good. No traffic and I got travel a new road: the Merritt Parkway. Granted, I can't really see the landscape @ night, but it seemed like the road was flanked on both sides by really big trees and the moonlight made them seem cooler. I guess Connecticut isn't so bad to drive after all.
I'm going exploring tomorrow. I'll bring the camera and hopefully get to snap a few cool pics and figure out exactly what I'm supposed to do come Monday morning.

Song of the day: "Baby I'm A Fool" - Melody Gardot

The travails of a poor med student.

2010-07-28T20:36:00.000-05:00

Today, I took my car in for a checkup. It's making funny noises, like a helicopter prop, especially when it hits 50+ mph and up. I thought it was the tires. I take it to the dealer and the mechanic figures that my tires need rotating..."simple, cheap fix" is what he says.
An hour later, he tells me, my right-sided tires (front and back) have nails in them, the back right tire is losing pressure because of an old tire patch that was placed there is no longer holding up, and that both tires are thinning on tread. He suggests new tires. Suddenly, my $24 fix has jumped up to $290. What am I gonna do? I came in to get my baby fixed and so, I must pay the price. Another hour and $290 later, the mechanic hands me my keys. So I go home. Not 5 minutes after I got on the highway, the damn noise starts again. Same noise. So now, I'm almost $300 poorer and nowhere near fixing my poor car. And I have to be on the road to Massachusetts by Saturday. Needless to say, I called the dealer back and complained. They said to bring the car in early in the morning tomorrow for a full checkup. I have a feeling that this time, the fix is gonna cost me more than $300. Lovely.
To make things worse, my Financial Aid Office just sent an email about a new tuition increase. Now, I have to pay $1161.50 more by the end of August. Where am I to get that scratch, you ask? No choice but to increase my loan. Again. What's a few thousand more in the grand scheme of things? I'm already 150K+ in the hole. FML.

Song of the day: "Numbers Don't Lie" - The Mynabirds

Interview

2010-07-23T03:37:00.002-05:00

For the curious...in reference to my last post.

1. Author: Paulo Coelho - "The Alchemist." Musician: Jeff Buckley - "Lover, You Should've Come Over."

2. Lock Picking. I think that would be a really cool skill to own ::sly grin::

3. Two sugars. I used to take it black, but I needed to cut the bitter with a little sweet. Kinda like life.

4. The Heimlich, proper CPR, how to use chopsticks, knitting, how to skip stones, changing a tire, opening a beer bottle with a lighter...

5. Marlon Brando, the younger version of him. Just check out his delivery of this Shakespeare monologue and you'll know why he's in my head.

6. Yes, I do believe in destiny, but more importantly, I believe that the path we take and not our destination is what makes our life in this earth, special.

7. I think I was a grizzly bear, hunting wild salmon in the rivers of the great northwest United States in a former life.

8. Formaldehyde, more specifically, the smell of our anatomy lab. No matter how many layers of gloves you wear, it still gets to your fingernails, hair, scrubs...just gross. On the flip side, firewood burning during a crisp winter evening...there's nothing like it.

9. Ploosh (n.) - state of confusion or disorientation specifically caused by an overload of information, followed by difficult questioning. Ex. Medical students rarely raise their hands after nephrology lecture because they are in ploosh.

10. 12:34am...I'm either super tired or extremely energetic.

11. CYRANO DE BERGERAC - technically, he did exist in real life, but the character in Rostand's play is much more interesting. Poet, musician, philosopher, soldier, duelist, physicist, comedian, and true blue romantic. He certainly tried to accomplish what he set out to do: excel in everything.

12. My inability to rein in my geekish sensibilities.

13. Never really had one. I suppose I should start. I would like to cross out this one in particular: travel ALL the States in the Union by eating my way through them or at least visiting all their famous national parks.

14. I'm currently writing my personal statement for my residency application. EPIC FAIL.

15. Me, flying/hovering over white sand dunes. Pretty much that's all there is to it. It's fun tho, getting the sensation that I'm flying, especially if I'm having a vivid dream.

16. I answered this one before, but I do have others in mind: A Zebra F-301 pen is also a very good choice. I like the weight of the pen and the thinness of the stroke.

17. Midnight picnic @ the beach a week before Memorial Day, when there were few people around. A new moon was out, a bottle of red was at hand and bag full of fresh, sweet cherries was the main course. We sat on the sand, dug in and buried our feet, and proceeded to have a cherry pit-spitting contest. I fell in love that night.

18. See the answer to question 11. Either him or Yoda. I'd like to think that in some ways, I'm slowly figuring out how to be more like them...except for the using-the-force thingy. That part, I can't seem to ever get the hang of.

19. "He loved and was loved in return."

20. My last meal...I really don't want a last meal but the whole course from breakfast to dinner and dessert.
Breakfast: 2 eggs over medium, kalo kalo (garlic fried rice), longanisa +/- daing (dried, salted fish) and strong coffee.
Lunch: White rice, Fried Tilapia with soy sauce (or almost any fish for this matter) and Apan-Apan. Semi-ripe indian mangoes with sauteed shrimp paste as an appetizer.
Afternoon snack: Fruit (Lansones, Santol, Serguilas, mainly asian fruits).
Dinner: Grilled pork or a very large aged kobe beef steak, A1 steak sauce, sweet potato fries (or potato pancakes from the Nevada Diner) and a Sam Adams.
Dessert: rocky road ice cream over pecan pie (I can settle for vanilla).

What can I say? I'm a glutton.

Song of the day: "I Don't Know" - Lisa Hannigan

BTW, check the link I placed in Lisa Hannigan's name. It's the official video of this song and it is very cool.

Thinkin' of U

2010-07-20T00:14:00.002-05:00

Here's a little glimpse into my mind.

I've grouped a few questions together for you to answer (should you choose to accept the task). Your answer can be as detailed or abbreviated as you wish. Of course, the more detailed, the more fun we'll have.

The object is for me to evoke strong (mostly positive) emotions from you. In return, I can gauge how well we vibe together, regardless of the similarity of our sensibilities.

Feel free to come up with your own questions and send them my way or towards your other readers. You can also use my questions too, just make sure you give me credit ;-)

This is just an exercise in connection, nothing more. You don't have to read into this. This is supposed to be fun. I repeat...FUN!

Here goes:
1. What artist/musician/author, etc. helped to define you as the person you are now? Any particular work of art/song/written work, etc?

2. If somebody offered to tutor you in 1 skill of your choosing (towards mastery), what would it be and why?

3. How do you take your coffee/tea? Or if neither, substitute appropriate eye-opener.

4. What can you teach somebody in 5 minutes that could help enrich their life?

5. Who does your inner monologue voice? Why him/her?

6. Do you believe in destiny?

7. Where did you think your previous reincarnated self came from (place/time/any other specifics you can add would also be very helpful)?

8. What is the one smell you hate the most in this world? It's antithesis?

9. Make up a novel word and define it, please?

10. Favorite time of the day/night?

11. If you could bring a literary character to life, who would it be?

12. What do you think makes you weird in the eyes of others?

13. What's the most recent item you've crossed out from your bucket list?

14. Tell me about your most recent artistic exploit/project if any?

15. What's your recurring dream about?

16. Which writing implement are you most fond of (e.g. my personal choice = Pilot Precise V5RT black ink)?

17. What was your most perfect day?

18. If you could emulate one person, who would it be? Are you actively trying to emulate them now?

19. What would you like your epitaph to say about you?

20. You've lived a full and for the most part, a wonderful life. You've written your will, said your goodbyes, made your peace with your enemies, and made love with the love of your life. Now all that's left is for you to have your last meal. What would it be?

I hope you had fun answering these questions. Let me know how it turns out.

Song of the day: "Never Tear Us Apart" - Beck and Friends (INXS Cover)

Thanks, Mike!

A dart in the map

2010-07-07T18:30:00.000-05:00

Am I wrong or even insensitive/selfish for even considering the possibility of applying for a residency somewhere other than NJ? I've had many conversations like this before with cousins, relatives, and the most recent one, my brother-in-law and sister. They site the fact that my parents are getting older and in their golden years, might need a little helping hand or so. Hmmm. Great. So they pad the argument by saying that I've been always "independent" and that I have my "own life to lead," but in the end they get their digs by playing the "elderly parents" card, emphasizing the idea that I should remain within a 1+ hour driving range. They even question the idea of me living in neighboring States like New York, Pennsylvania, and Delaware.
A few things bother me about this:

1. My parents aren't that old. They're in their 50s and are very independent. And aside from the usual old people problems (HTN, arthritis, smoking), they still have a number of good years ahead of them, provided they smarten up and quit smoking/eat better. If they need help, they got my number.

2. I've lived in Jersey for most of my adolescent/adult life. I believe I'm entitled to put down roots of my own in other places in this great country of ours. Places where a sales tax is non-existent and property taxes are actually reasonable. Places where nosy neighbors are very few and so is the traffic. Besides, I go where the work takes me.

3. I'll be damned to let others dictate where I go, considering that I'm the one paying for my med school education. If they decide to cover the 180K+ bill, then I'll go wherever they please. Maybe.

4. One of my mentors told me that there are really good job offers out there if I'm willing to expand my horizons and not be limited geography. I'd apply all over the US if it didn't cost so much.

I understand the importance of family and the feeling of confidence you get when blood is close enough to get your back when you're in the ropes, to be close to your family when an emergency hits, or to just be around and be handy for whatever they need. After all, I am where I am now because of what they've done/sacrificed for me and I should return the favor. But in the end, did they really put me through all of the lessons and schooling and broadened my horizons just so they can have a baby-sitter for when they're old? I have no qualms about taking care of them if they're sick, infirm, broke, or lonely. I'll be more than happy to look after them if they need looking after. But I don't think my parents are so cruel to the point of not actually let me live my life the way I see fit. They lived their lives the way they thought them best and in the process, showed me how to be independent. To live any less would be an insult to their teachings.

Funny how everybody is giving me their two cents about where I should go for residency. The only people who haven't really thought of this as an issue are my parents. Go figure! The day will come when I will do the same for my kids, as my parents did for me. The day will also come when I will look after my parents. For now, however, my life is my own and I don't need guilt trips from anybody about how I aught live it.

Song of the day: "Home" - Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros

Hello world!

2010-07-04T23:41:00.003-05:00

Happy 4th of July everyone!

Just a regular update. I haven't been very good at blogging lately, mainly because I just feel uninspired to write. But I'll try to remedy that tonight.
So just to get things rolling, let us review some goings on in my life:

1. Finished Step 2 Board review sessions! Now it's just 2 more months until the big day. Again. That being said, I need to get my ass in gear like a month ago and do some more practice questions.

2. Bought my very first fishing rod and reel combo! Yay! Unfortunately nobody cared to inform me about the number 1 bane of fishing: tangled lines. So far, I've taken my gear out twice since I got it this past Saturday. And both times, I've had to untangle what seems like copious amounts of "bird nests." Yeesh. So far, only 3 fish were caught and all of them were quite tiny, the biggest being about a 6-inch smallmouth bass. Better that than nothing I suppose.

3. I dislike mosquitoes very much. Yet one more reason why I prefer the fall/winter.

4. I start my 4th year rotations tomorrow, unofficially. I signed up for 2 weeks of NICU and 2 weeks of Child Protection Program for the month of July so I could get some more experience for the August subinternships in Massachusetts (I hope). Not being graded in these first 2, hence the whole unofficial business. I start promptly at 7am. Woo. Hoo.

5. My back feels better, thank you.

6. Still on the fence about dating websites. Something about them just creeps me out and personally, I'd feel "desperate" if I were to join one of them. This is just my personal view about myself, not a generalization of those out there who are proponents of dating sites, so please save your snide remarks for some other time. Thank you.

7. I need to begin my personal statement and residency applications this week. Yikes. Kinda scary if you think about it. Just when I was just getting used to being a student all over again, now I have less than 12 months to apply for a job, get a job, and actually work...AS A DOCTOR! Growing up sucks balls.

8. Facebook depresses me. There's just too many people in there that I don't talk to or at one time have been my friends in passing and have since fallen out of touch. And then there are those people who just feel compelled to chronicle the minutes of their lives, which just drives me nuts! Perhaps it's time for an "unfriending" session. And a Settings update can't hurt either. If it weren't for the pics, I would have deleted my account a long time ago.

9. I'm going to a themed bachelor party next week. The theme: 80s. I need a costume. Something that is representative of the decade, but at the same time, easy to put together. Suggestions are welcome.

10. Musical ventilation is in order. That and a few glasses of scotch. STAT!

That's all for now. Stay classy, San Diego.

Song of the day: "When The Stars Go Blue" - The Corrs and Bono (Orig. song by Ryan Adams)

Useless

2010-06-28T16:46:00.001-05:00

Now I know I really don't look forward to getting old.

Case in point, this weekend. Instead of being a good medical student and go to board review class, I decided to do a little self review, which is fine and dandy. Benefits: I could multitask and not have to worry about getting caught nodding off. So I bust out the computer. Lo and behold, the internet doesn't work. After a few hours of fiddling around with the modem and the router to no improvement, I gave up. I figured, "I'll do laundry first, get some subject reading done in the interim, and when the load is done, I'll hightail it to the nearest coffee shop fro some free internet. Just so we're clear, the internet is essential for study because I need to to access Kaplan's question bank...and not to surf or blog...but I digress.
So to the hamper I go. I bend over and pick up the colored pile and before I could straighten out, a sneeze overcame me. That's when I realized that something had gone horribly wrong...

It was over in a second and I was Done, with a capital D, down for the count, literally. That little sneeze had sent my lower back into such horrible spasm, that I actually fell to the ground in pain. Sharp, stabbing pain in my lumbar area. Tears welled up in my eyes and I began cursing up a storm, hoping that I could intimidate my sciatica away. It never abated. So for 15 minutes or so, I was on my back, like a flipped turtle, praying that it would all go away. After much deliberation I managed to crawl my way to the bathroom, to the medicine cabinet, looking for some Tylenol. I can't take anything else because I'm allergic to the other pain killers. Wouldn't you know, only 2 tabs are left. Better than nothing. I took them and began making my trip to my room, one agonizing step at a time. I positioned myself as comfortably as possible and passed out.

I woke up in darkness. I check the blackberry: 9:15. I slept the whole afternoon away. I checked my back. Pain's still there. Crap. I tried getting up. It was doable but with great difficulty. I shuffled my way to the kitchen and somehow managed to make a pb&j sammich. I ate in complete silence.

Phone calls to friends/family would have been made, but it was already night and since I'm not one to bother, wouldn't think of calling unless it's absolutely essential (the word 'cripple' came to mind and I just didn't like it at all). So it was like that the whole night. Slow shuffling to the sink, to the bathroom, to my room. I managed to get my study book out and crawled into bed where I read and crashed, till the next day, when my sister came back from her trip and was able to pick me up some extra Tylenol and Capsaicin (try it on sore muscles and joints...works like a charm!).

And there you have it, folks. Another potentially productive weekend, wasted because of a sneeze. Yet one more reason why growing old sucks.

Song of the day: When I'm 64" - The Beatles

Ok...just follow me on this one...

2010-06-23T01:11:00.001-05:00

Step 1: Get up and go.
I started the day out right. Had about 8 hours sleep, decent breakfast, Did my 3 S's and caught a little bit of the world cup goings on, all before 1pm.

Step 2: Errands.
Got some groceries, returned a few dvds from the public library (btw, the circulation desk librarian was looking mighty cute today), and even went to my eye doctor to pay my bill, personally. Pretty good so far.

Step 3: Caffeination.
Went to my school library to do a little Boards studying, but first thing's first: coffee. So I met up with one of my friends who's also studying there as well, and we hiked it over to the hospital next door for some joe. Dun and dun.

Step 4: Down to business.
Back to the library wherein I proceeded to crack open the books and fire up the ol' comp for some online tunage and Kaplan study gudnis (if you can really call it that).

Step 5: Cue distraction.
This step once more proves my original hypothesis back in college: I have ADD. And, being a competent student of science, I must have a null hypothesis which is: I'm a slut. To the point, new students for the med school, the nursing school, PT school, and Graduate school just happened to be in the same library with me. It's tough to keep your focus with all these new faces around.

Step 6: The incident.
So, finally going back to the studying, I decided to bust out my traditional gummy bears (my one study vice) as I slogged through the next round of internal medicine questions. As I chomped down on the first gummy bear, I hear my teeth crunch, loudly. A few things ran through my mind: 1. This gummy bear's stale as hell! 2. Since when did Haribo start putting prizes in their gummy bears? 3. I'm pretty sure gummy bears aren't supposed to have crunchy skeletons. 4. I'm rich! I can sue the gummy bear factory for having glass in their product! 5. Am I bleeding? Nope. No blood. Not yet.

Step 7: The realization.
One of my fillings cracked on the gummy bear. Upper right, 3rd molar from the front. This means, I have to go to the dentist. Some people don't like doctors. Me, I don't like dentists. I'm sure they're nice people, but there's just something sadistic about that bunch. I mean, they lay out all their instruments (of torture) right in front of you and they don't even have the decency to put you to sleep. And what is it with them and asking you questions while they're injecting a horse needle into your gums?

So aside from the cracked tooth and the potential visit to the dentist's, everything else was pretty cool, albeit I was quite distracted today. What's a single guy to do? C'est la vie.

Song of the day: "In The Summertime" - Mungo Jerry

Yesterday

2010-06-13T23:37:00.001-05:00

I'm turning a corner. In a few days, I finish out another decade...the big 3-0. And there's a good deal of apprehension with my up and coming birthday. Things like, I aught to be fiscally/residentially independent, 30...that I should be in a long term relationship (hell, I'll take a short one at the moment), 30...that I should be a lot more confident in my skills, 30...well, all of these things are still in the works, but I feel like they should have been done a whiles ago. We all have felt the creep of time on us and unfortunately for me, I'm more aware of its pace more than ever.

Last night, I was hanging with some of my high school friends and they so lovingly pointed out that I'll be a "geezer" in a few days (old inside joke, but regardless, the meaning is none too obscure). Seeing as they're about the same age as me, it's almost like they're mocking their own selves with such quips, nonetheless, I am the first of the group to cross over the threshold. Turning 30...it's like what one of my professors said about growing old...it just sounds so bad, as if we've hit our expiration date...TURNING...I'm older so I'm slower, fatter, smellier, like milk TURNED sour after it passed it's prime. Used to be when I was younger that I reveled in the idea of me and my buddies going out to get wasted. Now, I can barely stand it to see them get blitzed on cheap beer, playing drinking games all night and randomly hooking up with the next blond with big tits. I think that way and I instantly feel old, as if the youth that has sustained me just evaporated in the summer sun. I feel so old, that I dreaded the idea that I'm to take 30 shots in my party. No way in hell I'm doing that. I've never been able to do that, but back then I'd at least give it a solid try, then puke all over the lawn. Now I shrink back with my non-tolerant liver against such a challenge. Granted, being able to hold your liquor is not exactly grounds for bragging in my book (millions of college kids might disagree with me on that one), but it certainly doesn't help with bolstering up the youthful image...bold, brash, invincible.

I feel like panicking. I really do. But that would only serve to make things even more pathetic. And that would just be an ugly site. No, I'll turn 30 with a grin and go through my rite of passage with gusto and hopefully not lose my dinner in the process. And if I don't make it to next Saturday's Boards review session, then look for me in my bed or in the hospital, cuz either I'll be hungover like a muthaf***a or dying, or worse. I pray that gin and vodka better play nice with me at my party.

Song of the day: "Vienna" - Billy Joel

Food for thought

2010-06-10T22:15:00.005-05:00

I'm sure everybody knows by now about the BP eco-disaster in the gulf of Mexico. I figured I'd share this little parody clip courtesy of the Upright Citizens Brigade to illustrate how poorly this catastrophe was handled by BP and how ridiculous its actions are in containing the oil spill in the eyes of the public.

"BP Spills Coffee" - Upright Citizens Brigade

On a side note, the guy who cut his hair and threw it at the spill is John Frusciante, a former member of Possible Side Effects, a college long form improv based in Montclair, NJ and was one of my teachers when I took long form improv lessons with them back in the day. And now, he's on TV. =)

So to sum up: BP = F***ed. Very F***ed.

P.S. Run summary for the day...
Date: 06/10/10
Distance: 3.30 miles
Time: 35:47 (30:31 @ mile 3)
Pace: 10'51" per mile
Calories: 371
Weight: ? lbs (did I forget to mention that I don't own a scale?)
Short-term Goal: Advance to 4 miles running.
Long-term Goal: lose 15 lbs.

P.P.S.
Did some random running with my nephew last week too. Not timed, but about 4ish miles. Kept up with him considering he's 14 years old and weigh 20 lbs lighter than me.

Song of the day: "How Come" - Ray LaMontagne

And you are...

2010-06-08T23:17:00.001-05:00

Now I'm no overachiever or some shining med student with a "save-the-world" complex that I fill my every waking (and sleeping) hours with numerous altruistic projects. Nor am I a complete slacker (tho some days, I absolutely feel like it and would gladly welcome a slacker lifestyle). I am your average medical student, just getting by, busily and "faithfully" placing my nose to the grindstone, cramming my head with medical minutiae, hoping that in the end, I would understand all of it, that I would be a competent physician and a credit to the medical community, that I was worth investing $180,000/4 years into.
That being said, I always feel so weird trying to get other people to say good things about me. Case in point, my number 1 task this week: collecting letters of recommendation. Some doctors I've asked were easy to approach, especially if I've just finished a rotation with them a few weeks ago. Others, not so much because it was earlier in the year and I didn't get to spend a whole lot of time with them. Now, why, you ask, am I asking these other doctors whom I barely got have face time with? Simple: They're good doctors, and I learned a lot from them. The only problem is that, they are so busy with many other students going through their service that it's difficult for them to keep everybody straight, let alone remember. You either have to suck majorly or be Doogie Howser, MD, or be some sort of Extreme example of something in order to stand out in their minds. Fortunately/Unfortunately I'm neither, hence my dilemma. I've put out requests for LOR, but I fear that some of these docs would write an average paper because they barely remember me. Still, I gotta try.
For now, I'll just go back to hitting the books hard and pray that the next time I'm on rotation, I'll be a much brighter student worthy of remembering. Or I could just get a mohawk, dye it agent orange, and call it a day.

Song of the day: "The Curse" - Josh Ritter

An extraordinary song to cheer up an ordinary med student.

Bring it!

2010-06-04T22:25:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was kinda fun. Class in the morning, learning about multiple ways you can get sued or get in trouble with the DEA, then off to the Federal Building for a mock trial (pretty scary). Afterwards, fishing with the boys. Went to a local pond where I caught 4 sunnies...and this is only my second time fishing...ever! Now I'm really thinking about taking on fishing as my new hobby. Whaddaya think?

Today was a wrap up of Medical Jurisprudence class. Basically, in order not to get sued, you
a.) Practice really good medicine a.k.a. stick to the standard of care (duh!),
2.) Document EVERYTHING!
III.) Don't steal drugs/abuse/overprescribe narcotics.
D.) NO SEX with your patients (this is a big one)
V.) Come clean if you make a mistake.
6.) Take the time to talk and explain things to your clientele. Believe it or not, this actually helps to reduce the number of angry patients who might potentially sue.
7.) What happens in the office, stays in the office (HIPAA).

SO, third year is a wrap. Officially! (Where's the Easy button?) 4th year starts tomorrow, bright and early @ 0730, with a Kaplan course, on a SATURDAY!

Yay.

But as far as today was concerned, I think I got a good deal of crap done today...registered for an ACLS course, studied for a bit @ the library, ran with my nephew...
The boy is 14 years old and taller than me. Naturally he schooled me in about 1.5 miles worth of warm up. His jog pace is like my sprint pace. I was gassed after all that. Then he wanted to run some more and asked me to start the pace so I could "slow it down" a bit. We did another 3 miles. Made it, barely - 35 minutes, about 8-9 songs worth. I can't wait to shed this excess weight...I hate feeling sluggish when I'm out there hitting the pavement. But it was good, overall. Can't really complain seeing as how today was the hardest I've pushed myself running in a good long while.

OK, 50 more USMLE practice questions and it's off to bed.

Song of the day: "Mistletoe" - Jukebox The Ghost

1. Sunfish - http://tiee.ecoed.net/vol/v4/experiments/habitat_shifts/img/sunfish%5BHR%5D.jpg

Much better

2010-06-02T01:29:00.001-05:00

Best run I've had in a long while tonight.

Date: 06/01/10
Distance: 3.95 miles
Time: 43:04
Pace: 10'54" per mile
Calories: 445
Weight: 151 lbs
Short-term Goal: Maintain 3 mile run in under 30 minutes for a week. Then advance to 4 miles running.
Long-term Goal: lose 15 lbs.

Personal best record: 3 miles in 27:45

Song of the day: "Hit'Em Up Style" (folk remix) - Carolina Chocolate Drops

Lesson learned

2010-05-31T23:43:00.001-05:00

Never ever run with a headache...especially if it was a caffeine withdrawal one.
Nearly puked my guts out after mile 1. And of course it doesn't help if it's 80+ degrees outside with the humidity close to 90%. Yuck.

Date: 05/31/10
Distance: 3.30 miles
Time: 43:09
Pace: 13.02 per mile
Calories: 373
Weight: 151 lbs
Short-term Goal: Shave 3 minutes off of my pace. And maintain caffeination.
Long-term Goal: lose 15 lbs.

Song of the day: "World Spins Madly On" - The Weepies

The beginning of the end

2010-05-31T13:13:00.001-05:00

K. Pediatrics - dun. Which unofficially marks the end of our third year since Peds was my last medical rotation, btw. YAY! Took my exam this past Friday (hopefully I didn't do that badly) and quickly hightailed it to my friends up in North Jersey to celebrate their birthday! Next day, went home to the Parental units and just hung out for the weekend. It was real nice...and I was absolutely lazy. Didn't have to wake up with an alarm clock, didn't have to fight with traffic...actually got a sit down breakfast, with fresh coffee and later on, a catch-up marathon of the latest season of Dr. Who! Sweet.

So, surprising things in Peds:
1. I like pediatrics! Enough to make it my specialty! Woo-Hoo!!!
2. I have a tolerance for crying babies.
3. I didn't get sick (considering that most of my friends were afflicted with childhood ailments during their own peds rotations). Pretty lucky!
4. I didn't get vomited, peed or poohed on! 3 words: location, location, location.
5. Oddly enough, I got smacked in the face with a stuffed bunny by a 72 year-old demented lady, no less. Really didn't see that coming.
6. For somebody who's an asthmatic, I still have some difficulty with identifying some abnormal lung sounds. Either that or I'm going deaf.
7. I started running again. Awesome.
8. Little kiddies make me feel old sometimes. Especially if I have to chase after them or pick them up.
9. In less than 12 months, I'm going to be a doctor. Scary.
10. 3rd year was definitely better than 2nd year.

Song of the day: "Say Goodnight And Go" - Imogen Heap

Awkward...

2010-05-25T21:50:00.002-05:00

Somebody contacted me a few days ago...an ex of mine from a few years ago. It was nice to hear from her, but at the same time, I couldn't help feeling weird about it. It was a few emails exchanged and in the interim, there was conversation about old relationships, what led to breakups and her most recent relationship or rather, ex-relationship. I get the feeling that she's only contacting me now because she's rebounding from this last breakup of hers.

I hate being rebound, especially if it's a rebound from an ex. I remember she was the one who broke up w/ me during college and for good reason. Both of us were just not clicking well.

And now this...

I don't want to be with her, but I don't want to ignore her either. I hate telling people that I am not interested in them. I told her that I was just over a relationship myself and that I'm not looking for another one. I don't think she got that hint.

There's always this lingering fear in the back of my head that somehow I'd get suckered into a match with the wrong person because I don't know how to tell them that I'm not into them. I wish I was already in a relationship so I can say "no" and not feel bad about it. You know?

Song of the day: "Watching You Sleep" - Bleu

Flying blind

2010-05-22T15:24:00.003-05:00

The sister took the Nike sensor so I couldn't exactly gauge how much I ran.
But it was a good run, and I feel I'm getting faster.

Run 4: 05/21/10
Distance: approx 3 and 3/4 miles
Time: 45 min. ish
Pace: ?
Calories: ?
Weight: ?
Short-term Goal: Do 3 miles at a steady jog pace. I got side cramps tonight.
Long-term Goal: lose 15 lbs.

In other news, it was brought to my attention that I need to write something new since I have been reticent about more personal musings for a while (which is actually a good thing...I hate it when I whine).
So I am writing about the plight of being single, as inspired by a conversation with one of my med school buddies this past week over eggs, toast, and coffee...
For the most part, he and I are in the same boat. Both single, both in their late 20s, both almost out of med school, in debt and have little compunctions about leaving our state of origin for newer locales.
He worries about not finding a girlfriend, specifically somebody that is "wifey" material. He doesn't want to start a family of his own when he's in his 50s. He feels that his life is in a great state of flux - the possibility of getting a job at another state, being in debt, being in residency for the next 4 years, etc. He thinks that by finding a girl now, it would cause a great deal of confusion and drama later on after graduation. He's all sorts of conflicted...he is dating, but he doesn't know for sure about his current date (he feels that she's not the commitment type), to which he discloses his greatest fear of being incompatible with others. Then his resolution comes out - "I'd rather be alone than be with the wrong girl," he says emphatically.

I tell him, "at least you're dating again."

His plight is pretty much the same as mine. I've asked those concerns many times over in my head. And I feel that I won't find the answers anytime soon. Besides, there's no point addressing such questions now. I need to get a girlfriend first before I even think about crossing such bridges. Sometimes I think I've inherited a curse (many aunts and uncles of mine are in their 40s/50s and are still single) and honestly, it scares me a bit.

For now tho, I say to my friend J, "keep your options open. If this girl you're dating feels wrong, then you know your answer. Right now, we just need to concentrate on the task at hand, which is getting through the last year of school and graduating. We'll eventually catch up with life and it's best that we get ourselves together for when we do meet our potential soulmates. These things have a way of working themselves out in the end...or so I'm told."

And so I leave you with a tasty new tune...a nice jaunty ditty with a good bite to wash away the fears of singledom and to keep you all satiated until the next time we meet.

Song of the day: "Next Girl" - The Black Keys

You gotta be kidding me!?!?!

2010-05-17T23:30:00.001-05:00

I think Nike Running App is F***ing with me. Last week it told me that I ran 4.44 miles in 51:09 minutes. This time, it tells me that I ran short of 4 miles in about 45 minutes, but here's the kicker...I RAN THE SAME ROUTE AT A FASTER PACE (At least I think so anyways). This app needs to be calibrated right.

Run 3: 05/17/10
Distance: 3.79 miles
Time: 44:47
Pace: 11'47" per mile
Calories: 429
Weight: Dunno...
Short-term Goal: Do 3 miles at a steady jog pace. I got side cramps tonight.
Long-term Goal: lose 15 lbs.

Not really sure how accurate this run was, except for the time. It was almost a whole Ray LaMontagne Album.

Song of the day: "Flim" - The Bad Plus (orig. song by Aphex Twin)

Happy frustration

2010-05-14T00:11:00.003-05:00

It's great and all that I finally, actually found what I really want to do in this medicine business, but why did it have to come at the tail end of 3rd year? Problem is that I need to set up elective rotations (5 of them to be exact). Early on in April, I was toying with the idea of going into Internal Medicine (specifically, GI). So I began setting up GI rotations and am almost finished until I got into my Pediatric rotation, where I found out that I actually like working with the little buggers. I tried switching those GI rotations to peds ones, but unfortunately the pediatric elective positions for 4th year are all but taken. Now, I'm scrambling just a bit to look for hospitals with peds programs that can fit my schedule, and are hopefully potential places of employment for me after 4th year. This has become the new thorn in my side. Sigh...for once, can't I have things just a smidge easy?

At least, I'm getting some really nice comments from my attendings, so that's boosting my confidence/ego a tad. I still mess up a little sometimes, but they provide good learning opportunities and the Doctors are nice enough to give important pearls of wisdom.

As for my running, the past couple of days have been fairly cold and rainy. Today was the first nice day so I laced up and hit the pavement. Did a hell of a lot better this time around. I like this running @ night schedule. Not too many distractions, the occasional cat or wild hare crossing your path, and the sweet smell of grass and dew is so much cleaner during this time. Traffic is low, everything dials down the volume and there's nothing but streetlamps and my footsteps keeping time with the soundtrack in my ipod.

Workout Day 2: 05/13/10
Distance: 4.44 miles
Time: 51:09
Pace: 11'31" per mile
Calories: 501
Weight: 152 lbs.
Short-term Goal: Maintain a 10 mile-minute pace for 3 miles.
Long-term Goal: lose 15 lbs.

Song of the day: "Believe In Us" - Jay Jay Johanson

The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

2010-05-12T18:13:00.002-05:00

My friend balked at me yesterday that blogs aught to have specific subjects in order to garner support from like-minded readers. This was after I told her that I added a running/workout journal component to "The Scrap Paper Manifesto." She was adamant that I should put this running journal as a separate blog, to which I responded with the following list:

1. It's my blog. I'll do whatever I want with it.
2. I don't want to deal with yet another blog. I have a lot on my plate already.
3. I like to condense things. A running journal is just another subject I use to buff up TSPM.
4. If people are THAT curious to chart my progress, all they have to do is click on the label "running" or "workout" and all my running entries would be chronologically displayed.
5. I don't think anybody cares whatever I do with my blog. I can count the number of my followers in my left hand and they're not complaining.

And with that, we went to Wawa for delicious flatbread sammiches.

Questions? Concerns? Snide remarks? Let'em fly!

Song of the day: "Paradise Circus" - Massive Attack

And...cue training montage!

2010-05-11T01:06:00.002-05:00

So instead of using this blog as my bitch post/school progress update thingy, I have decided to put it to better use. I propose to add a physical fitness tracker journal in this piece so I can chart my progress as I get myself back into shape. Tonight is my first night in what I hope to be a long list of days/nights of sweat and hard work. As I told S&P tonight, I want to look good in time for my residency interview. Well, that and I want to look good, naked.

Tonight, I went for a walk/run. Mind you I haven't really worked out since this past fall, so my time wasn't exactly the best. But I did it...mostly walking, but I ran the last mile, so it felt good. Real good. Expect the next stats to be a bit better.

In order to accurately gauge my training, I have employed the help of my handy dandy ipod touch using the Nike Workout App to see how I measure up from day to day. I will post the results here along with my goals and random musings.

Allons-y!

Workout Day 1: 05/10/10
Distance: 3.73 miles
Time: 51:26
Pace: 13'45" per mile
Calories: 422
Weight: 154 lbs.
Short-term Goal: Get to running most of the 3 miles on the next run.
Long-term Goal: lose 15 lbs.

"The task must be made difficult, for only the difficult inspires the noble-hearted." - S. Kierkegaard

Song of the day: "Hearts On Fire" - John Cafferty

Rocky IV training montage - you know you love it!

Hmmm

2010-05-09T02:18:00.001-05:00

The wind is absolutely ridiculous today and tonight.
It threw a branch at my windshield on my way to the movies this evening! Good thing my windshield is branch resistant.
Saw Ironman 2 with baby brother and nephew. Awesome boys night out. This was a much needed break from doing double duty all week (studying for Peds SHELF exam while reviewing Head and Neck anatomy for the sake of tutoring 1st years effectively does not a happy 3rd year med student make).
I am currently gutting through a mildish stomach ache. I don't know if it is some sort of a viral thing caught from the pediatrics office or some other place (despite my constant hand washing, picking up bugs comes as second nature to me), or the beef w/ broccoli this afternoon, or the pack of Haribo Gummy Bears I scarfed down during the movie...whatever it is, I am not a big fan at the moment.
Peds week has moved from the ER to the office. And I like it! The doctors are nice, the nurses are great, and the babies are ridiculously cute...even when they're sick! One of the docs told me that I work well with kids and that I seem to like what I'm doing and that I should consider Peds as an option. Once more, indecision rears its ugly head. Ugh, why can't I just stick to one thing?
Mom's day tomorrow. The fam is taking my mom and mom-in-law (well, my sister's mom-in-law) to Arthur's steakhouse. Should be delicious and fun.

I still can't sleep. Now I have this song running through my head.

Song of the day: "Sara Smile" - Brian McKnight (Hall & Oates Cover)

Just remembered something

2010-05-02T17:16:00.005-05:00

This past week, I was @ the Jersey Java and Tea and was having my afternoon coffee when an old vet sitting by the window struck a conversation with me.

It happened while I was paying for my drink. I only had the exact amount to pay the barista, but not enough to give him a tip. So I ran back to my jacket pocket and scrounged up enough coinage to give him a buck...looks cheap but it's still legal tender. So the vet says "Those coins sure are a pain in the ass to carry. I don't know why the government still keeps making them." To which I replied "Perhaps they like the sound the coins make when they jingle." And from there, a conversation was struck between us about all sorts of things. Mostly I let him talk because he seemed like he had a lot to say. He had amazing stories, from the time he was kicked out of high school for kicking a couple of racist kids' butts (they started it btw, just because our hero in question was black and was at the wrong neighborhood), to the time he joined the marines and his training days in Parris Island (to which he recounted his experience as being "a peach"), to his tour assignments throughout the Far East during Vietnam and beyond. He recounted his accession into the Navy SEALs, his many promotions and his numerous travels throughout the world in his 35 years of service. He beamed with pride when he spoke of his two sons, both in the armed forces.

He tells me that while in the during his tour in Vietnam, he was exposed to agent orange and from that, how he developed cancer. He says that he's just hanging out @ the cafe before he had to go to his doctor's appointment. To this, I said nothing. I couldn't say anything. What could I say? Somehow, "sorry" just could not encompass the gravity of it all. He spoke of his condition as if it was a random, daily thing, or rather more like an inconvenience. I suppose seeing and knowing what he'd been through all these years in the service, Cancer is just an inconvenience to him, even if it meant his mortality.

He wasn't resigned, sad, or regretful, at least not from what I can tell of how he spoke about his life. He was just an old bloke, happy to be alive, trying to tell a youngblood like me about a really good and honest story...his story; as if imparting to me his most valuable treasures, wishing that I should have such an adventurous and amazing tale to tell when my time comes.

I shook his hand and thanked him for his story and his service. He wished me luck and with a nod, he left for his appointment.

So, to Chief Warrant Officer ______, my sincerest thanks.

Song of the day: "Sawdust Saloon" - The Low Anthem

The lump on the pickle

2010-05-02T00:42:00.008-05:00

Yep. This week was nothing but absolute uselessness and a waste of time. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed every bit of it. I'm the "Jack the Ripper" of time-killing. It's just that 2 weeks have gone by in Pediatrics (week 1 = Peds ER, Week 2 - Off with random enrichment lectures), and I've only gone through 4, count 'em, 4 chapters of the review book for step two boards. I told myself I'd read 2 chapters a week which would've gotten me all finished with the review book by this coming Wednesday, but somehow, my amazing ability to procrastinate and the lure of catching up with Doctor Who episodes were all just too much to pass up. I'm weak. I know. To make things worse, PBS just released the Royal Shakespeare Company's BBC production of "Hamlet" this past week, starring two of my favorite actors: David Tennant (Doctor Who, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire) and Patrick Stewart (Star Trek: TNG). So like the dork that I am, I went on and wasted more time watching the show and re-reading the play. I guess this proves that becoming a surgeon is not in the cards for me. I have too many other interests I'd rather be doing than cutting people up and being on call 24/7.
One more thing: I feel like I'm about to pop. I ate so much today on account of my Nephew having a Confirmation party. And in true gluttonistic (that's right, I'm making up my own words) fashion, I topped the night off by eating the last red velvet cupcake (made by yours truly, of course) with a side of rocky road ice cream while watching Mayweather beat the crap out of Mosley. Quite disappointing since I wanted Mosley to shut that arrogant SOB Mayweather, up. But I suppose this only sets up the stage for Manny to knock the smile off of Floyd's cocky face later on. We shall see.

So what does the week have in store for me:
1. Doing some schedule changes with my electives.
2. Updating CV some more.
3. READ PEDIATRICS REVIEW BOOK!
4. Review Head, Neck, and Back anatomy for the 1st years (God help me).
5. Trying not to procrastinate so much for this week.
6. Do laundry.
I figure, that's about 2 tasks per day. Hopefully that's doable, even for a notorious procrastinator like myself. Ask me next weekend.

Song of the day: "Berry Picker's Tune" - T. Nile & Joanna Chapman-Smith

Quick update of sorts

2010-04-20T13:32:00.005-05:00

Another 6 weeks down. I finished learning about Vag and preggos (Ob-Gyn) and now moving on to the ankle biters (Pediatrics). I keep telling myself "It's almost over" but somehow, it never is. Another 6 weeks of peds rotation - at least it's not as intensive as the others.

My Ob-Gyn attending gave me a very good evaluation despite what I thought. And of course, lots of good pearls of wisdom:
1. Never stop reading - suck the marrow from the bones of knowledge
2. You're a professional - Do what you're supposed to do (or have a really good excuse for not doing so).
3. Learn to walk on your own - it makes you a competent doctor and a better person.
4. Question everything - just because somebody says so, doesn't mean they're right.
5. Guidelines are exactly what they are - guidelines...and may not apply to some people. So learn them well first before you deviate from the standard.

Lots of good stuff, but quite hard to follow. Especially if you're the type of person who loves to nap. But I'm quite thankful that I had this rotation with him and of course, I will do my best to follow his advice.

Other things on the burner:
1. Updating CV
2. Letters of Recommendations - I need at least 3.
3. 4th year elective rotations - I have 3 definite ones. 4 if you count my subinternship for surgery, but I'm seriously thinking about switching that one. I've settled on what I want to do, finally. Internal Medicine - GI.
4. Step 2 Board exam - I'm slowly studying for it. Slowly. D-day: Aug. 23rd.

Oh, I had a nightmare last night. It was about the Ex. I was in the Labor and Delivery suite, in the middle of assisting a delivery when I got a phone call from her. She told me the reason why she broke up with me was that she got pregnant and had to abort the fetus, but couldn't tell me the truth at the time. Then she put me on hold - "Eye of the Tiger" was the hold song. Then I woke up. Really creeped the hell out of me.

So, I will be starting Peds ER tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Song of the day: "Again And Again" - The Bird And The Bee

This music video is INSANE!!!

How sweet it is

2010-04-15T22:32:00.003-05:00

Let's take a break from all the belly-aching and concentrate more on the good things, shall we?

Case in point: Momma Compton.
Who, you ask? Well, Momma Compton is Susan Compton, mother of my friend and fellow med student, Jon (check out his Etsy webpage here), and official winner of the 2010 Pillsbury Bake-off. Not only did Momma Compton get the honor of winning the competition with her amazing Mini Ice Cream Cookie Cups, she was also featured in the Oprah Winfrey Show and was awarded a 1 million dollar cash prize! You heard right. A cool mil for her sweet, hard work.
Just goes to show that good things do happen to good people.

Big congrats to you, Momma Compton. You deserve it!

Song of the day: "If I had a $1,000,000" - Barenaked Ladies

You knew it was coming!

A hint of truth?

2010-04-14T00:22:00.003-05:00

I'm on nights now for Ob-Gyn. It's been very quiet. Lots of laboring moms, but sadly no babies to deliver yet. My attending tonight is a nice hipster doctor who has a very tongue-in-cheek personality with the wit to match.
So here she was tonight, looking mighty green in the face (she's blaming her husband for catching this stomach bug of hers, since he had it this past Friday and was also violently ill for 24 hours), and about a dash away from tossing her cookies. Amidst bouts of nausea, her husband calls to check up on her. Slightly miffed and in no mood to talk, she kindly dismisses him...understandable, coming from a person who's getting ready to yak. She says, "I love that man, but he sure does have shitty timing."
Then she turns to me and asks, "Are you married/ have a girlfriend?"
Of course, I give my polite and customary "No," to which she responds, "Good. Keep it that way."
So like a good medical student, I ask why, feeling that this is a set-up to a punchline.
As soon as I finished my question, a stream of curses fly out from one of the laboring mothers' rooms, to which my attending woefully answered: "Because women are insane." Then she got quiet for a second and said "But men are stupid, so in the end it's all perfect."

Fair enough.

Song of the day: "Me and Mrs. Jones" - Billy Paul

Musical theme

2010-04-12T22:10:00.005-05:00

OK, I realized today that I have a crapload of articles to read (and I don't mean Maxim or GQ), but I had to post this one before it disappears from my mind forever.

So it seems that I've had this theme going on about songs that evoke unpleasant memories of late. Well, today, on my way to work, I got WXPN blaring on the radio and Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings were being featured on the show. For those of you who don't know SJ/DK and are fans of just good ol' stick-to-your-ribs kick ass music, she and her band are a must-check-out for all y'all. I made a link for those interested. Anyways, her new album is out and I heard lots of high praises about it, so this might very well be my next online purchase. Tonight, as I head to the library for some more late night studying, SJ/DK were once again, the topic of conversation on another radio station. So far so good. Then they play one of the songs from her new album, and that just made my whole night completely. Not only was it just a solid song with amazing vocals and the musical chops to match, but the message is just so blatantly clear and solid, it was like a good slap in the face that just brings you back to your senses. After a few weeks of being in a funk and being reminded of the Ex by any little ol' ditty, I think Sharon's song helped snap me out of it all.

So to Sharon and the band, wherever you folks are, thank you. God bless.

Song of the day: "Better Things" - Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings

That's right. I see you bobbin' and bouncing to this song. G'head witcha bad self.

Post call

2010-04-10T01:01:00.003-05:00

Remember when I was bitching about how I wanted to spite the Ex because I got to thinking about her just recently?
Well, it's still in the works...
It's just that more crap keeps coming up that specifically reminds me of her.
Case in point, this song by Irving Berlin...
This morning, my Attending was post call (been up 24+ hours) and was working @ the clinic with me. Apparently he is given to acting goofy when he's been up for a whole day/all hopped up on coffee. While he was working on a patient's chart, he started whistling this song. Normally, I don't care if people whistled while they worked (my dad does it all the time), but why this song? Why this specific one???

So what makes this song so irritating to me, you ask? Apart from it's devilishly catchy melody, this was the song the Ex sang in a musical revue about Irving Berlin...where She met Him...where She lost Me...and the rest, as they say, is history...

Anyhoo, gritting my teeth, I excused myself from the office and wandered about in the lobby full of patients until I simmered down and had given more than ample time for my attending to finish his performance piece. In the end, he did make me laugh tho by randomly singing this Dunkin' Donuts jingle, in a baritone voice and with oompa loompa choreography.

That's all I got for now.

Song of the day: "Hannah" - Freelance Whales

In spite of you

2010-04-06T22:54:00.006-05:00

I found a new study nook. Jersey Java and Tea. I'd put the link up, but the site is not ready yet.

JJT has really good green tea, awesomely large windows, good ambient light, tasty almond biscotti, and comfy leather chairs and tables. Oh, and free Wi-Fi (a definite must). And the satellite radio it pipes in plays really choice tunage (an added bonus). Opens @ 6a, Closes @ 9p. Sweet.

So while busying myself with a few chapters on the luvly subject of gynecology, a song came up on the speakers by a singer/songwriter whom I really dig, Teitur.
Then I was reminded of the Ex, because it was Teitur's songs that I closely associated with her.
Then I got to thinking about how in a few days, she had dumped me exactly a year ago, which made me feel sorry for myself.
Then I got really pissed at myself for feeling sorry for myself.
Then I got really really pissed at the song...to the point where I almost walked over to the barista and asked for the song to be changed...but I hesitated, took a sip of tea, ate my biscotti, and listened. Slowly, it just became a song again.
Afterwards, I got to thinking about how it would be nice to spite her. Really Really Nice! To see her all fat and bloated, with her crap-ass boyfriend, cheating on her. To make her realize how good she had it with me, that she didn't know a good thing if it kicked her upside her head with a steel-toed shoe. Because nothing strikes a woman quite as painful as targeting her vanity...that, and a pair of steel-toed shoes for kicking her ass.
I was maniacally laughing, all mad geniusey-like in my head when my phone rudely interrupted me: an email from my lender, giving me an update on my school loans. Needless to say, the spiting of the Ex was immediately put on ice as my jaw dropped precipitously to the floor, shocked to see how much med school is costing me...
The past 2 years, the numbers were in the 5 digit range. But, sure enough, it has officially hit the 6-figure mark. Sticker shock? Abso-fucking-lutely.

So, exactly HOW am I going to spite her now? When? The mountain just gets bigger and bigger. And the summit is still nowhere in sight.

Song of the day: "Sentimental Heart" - She and Him

What I saw today...

2010-04-01T23:55:00.005-05:00

1. Me, being a pig in the diner @ 10am, housing down 6 thick pieces of french toast, 2 eggs over medium, and 5 pieces of bacon. I had to celebrate my good fortune of being let out early from AM class ;-)

2. A gargantuan 18-wheeler making a freakin' wide-ass turn onto mid-day traffic, skirting the middle-line divider of a 2 way street, and barely missing my poor, diminutive Honda by a hair with its over-sized chromed fender. Everything was in slo-mo.

3. A heart-broken mother, weeping for her unborn child who is dying inside her, knowing that no medical intervention can save it.

4. A cloudless, sunny afternoon with bursting cherry blossoms waving in the cool breeze.

5. A school library, nearly empty for the holidays, and me getting first pick @ all the empty cubicles! (I'm easy to please)

6. A close friend, visiting, saying good-bye and borrowing a pair of scrubs he'll need for his "medical mission" to Jamaica.

7. A Mel Brooks movie marathon on AMC! SEDAGIVE???

8. A "first look" of a movie I might catch tomorrow after work.

9. Mangoes in the fridge!

10. My bed. (I missed you!)

Some happy, some sad, some scary, some funny, but all in all, a good day.

How was yours?

Song of the day: "Heavenly Day" - Patty Griffin

Griping

2010-03-28T01:21:00.004-05:00

I think all in all, today was a fairly productive day.

1. Finished and e-filed my taxes, both federal and state, for the most part, free.
2. Finished a quiz on a few topics discussed this week in my Ob-Gyn rotation. Did well.
3. Payed a few medical bills. Not too bad.
4. Finished and filed my 2010-2011 FAFSA (financial aid) form. Hopefully I get my refund check very soon.
5. Printed out next week's Ob-Gyn articles (in the plural sense - like 7 of them). So far, only read a fraction of one.

So why the suggestive title on this blog?
Well, I'm kinda pissed. I'm pissed at people talking about me behind my back.
Case in point: this neighbor of ours who came by today. I'm doing items 1-5 listed above while he chatted up my brother-in-law (BIL) who was installing the new sliding doors for the porch. So this guy was all praise and fluff about how my BIL put up the new doors (which BIL did - it was a damn good job). So neighbor starts talking about how he thought BIL couldn't do it all by himself, that he would've come had BIL asked for help. Well, BIL already asked my dad for help, but called him off @ noon because I was able to give a hand a little bit (didn't tear up the wall, but did help remove the old window, helped hoist and level the new doors, and removed old nails/scrap wood cleanup, all after picking up BIL's son from a school retreat an hour away). So why so pissed, you ask? Well, said neighbor just happen to inquire if I helped or rather, I should say insinuated that I didn't help in this whole project. Mind you, I'm sitting by the counter clearly listening to all of this crap going on.
K, let's put things straight here:
1. I don't like manual labor. Never have. And let's face it, who does? That doesn't mean I'm afraid to get my hands dirty, far from it. I've done a good deal of manual labor in my day. So I'm no stranger to work.
2. If somebody asks for my help or a favor from me, if I can do it, I do it, to the best of my abilities.
3. I'm not a mind reader. I don't care what anybody says about taking initiative. As far as I'm concerned, initiative comes from experience, which means having prior knowledge of the task at hand. If I don't know the task, then I hang back and wait for orders.

So...
Firstly, I didn't know BIL was installing the new doors this weekend (I was actually passed out yesterday and was not given any prior notice nor was asked to help in the project).
Secondly, I was given a task this morning to pick up BIL's son, which I did, and even bought donuts since I saw that the project was started this morning, and that everybody would be working hard.
Thirdly, Who the fuck does this neighbor think he is, criticizing me? Why would he talk shit about me especially in front of BIL, unless BIL has already talked shit about me in front of neighbor, giving him precedence?
Fourthly, I had hoped that if BIL had any problems about me, that he'd come to me and talk to me about it so I can address it.
Fifthly, I don't know how to emphasize this enough: Given my current state, I may not look busy, but trust me, being in med school is the definition of busy. And it takes a lot out of you, both mentally and physically. You wake up at 6am to follow doctors and patients, you do all this sucking up and other extraneous crap so you can get a good rec letter/secure a spot for next year, and in the evening, do some more studying, not just for the current subject, but also prepare for boards, usually until midnight or so, all so you don't end up looking foolish if some doctor were to pimp you on some random medical question the next day. Oh, don't forget the ever looming pressure of having somebody's life in your hands plus the 200K+ student debt that you've acquired in the past 4 years. So forgive me, if once in a while I decide to crash.
I wish I could take this Neighbor of ours and stick him in our med school shoes, just so he'd know the shit we have to go through. He can't fault us for not having tried their menial jobs; most of us had them before we started med school.

Bottom line:
1. If you want my help, then ask. I'm not a mind reader.
2. Don't talk shit about me behind my back. If you got a problem about me, let me know.

Song of the day: "Shout" - Disturbed (Tears For Fears cover)

A day in the life

2010-03-23T23:00:00.010-05:00

5:30am - woke up to 3 alarm clocks blaring. 30 seconds later, my eyes start itching, followed by a barrage of sneezes. Hopped out of bed and went straight to the bathroom for the allergy medicine.

6:30am - off to the hospital for some daily workage. In desperate need of caffeine.

7am - going over the patient list with the docs. Only 4 preggos, which means...a short morning rounds and a longer breakfast time. To the caf!

7:45am - 1st cup of coffee, done. A little more awake. Feeling slightly dry from the allergy medicine, but grateful that eyes stopped itching/sneezing subsided.

8am - Clinic. Seeing many mom-to-be's, getting ultrasounds and measurements of their little (or not so little, I should say) bundles of joy. Slowly getting bored.

10:15am - saw the youngest mom in the lot for today (20 yrs old), followed by the biggest mom (easily 450+ lbs w/ baby - BTW, she's a very non-compliant diabetic). Staring in incredulity.

10:30am - coffee wearing off...must've zoned out as the tech tried to explain what she was doing (honestly, I can't help it. The room is made dark so the Ultrasound screen can be seen).

11am - resorted to standing up just so I can stay awake. Started reading paper on ectopic pregnancies - lots of crazy facts. Bottom line: ectopics are not fun. Trust me.

11:45am - Handed a tissue to a mom who was distraught over the news the doctor gave her about her pregnancy...located a mass (most likely benign, but none the less) inside baby's head...will need further testing and imaging. Felt bad.

12pm - Lunch. Got 2nd cup of coffee. Attending reached inside my pocket to grab a scrap piece of paper. And yet another round of tasteless, yet funny banter ensued.

12:40pm - Back at the clinic. Saw twins in the oven.

1:45pm - genetic counseling w/ K. Never saw anybody explain 3 genetic diseases so fast in all my life. Bravo, K!

2pm - Eyes are getting dry (unfortunate side-effect of the allergy medicine), which is making my teeth all achy (weird, I know...then again, it could be CN V), which is giving me a headache, which is accentuated by my caffeine-induced dehydration (diuretic effect), which is driving me up the wall. Is it quitting time yet???

3pm - was dismissed from clinic and headed back to the hospital to take my daily quiz...woo hoo.

4pm - dismissed from hospital. Next stop, Library.

4:30 - 8pm - Made copies of articles, read a little, dozed off a little, facebooked a little (ok, maybe not so little)...feeling overwhelmed by how much crap there is to know about women and their vags. Nothing is ever simple with you ladies.

8:30pm - dinner @ home. More studying afterwards.

11:50pm - Threw book across the room in disgust. Blogging about how I still having that twangy, achy feeling in my teeth because of my dry eyes. Prepping for bed.

Rinse.

Repeat.

Song of the day: "Junebug" - Robert Francis

Woohoo!

2010-03-20T18:55:00.001-05:00

Wow, 2 blogs in a day. I must be really bored.

Not really. Although, I thought this was blog-worthy.

The vending machine gave me 2 (count'em, 2) bags of Sunchips for the price of one! Score!
Me = 1
The Establishment = 0

Bottom line: Enjoy the little things in life, even if it's just an extra bag of crisps.

Another song of the day: "Luck Be A Lady" - Marlon Brando (Guys and Dolls)

Medical silliness

2010-03-20T16:27:00.001-05:00

Last week, my Attending got into a holiday conversation with one of his colleagues; they were discussing plans about this upcoming Pesach (Passover)...whose house to visit, who's making what dish, and so on and so forth. Eventually they got to talking about the bad things that come along with the holidays, specifically the potential disasters that are related to food.
Enter, the Gefilte Fish. For those not familiar with this dish, check out the link for further explanation.
So, like any boy with too much time in his hands, my Attending lays down a friendly wager: $10 to the person who can eat a whole jar of Gefilte Fish AND IT'S GELATENOUS BROTH in one hour. Of course, his colleague accepts the challenge with gusto.
Next day, after all the work was done, a whole jar of GF was brought in by my Attending. His colleague, after finishing a ridiculously complicated surgery, is in no mood to be trifled with...takes the jar and nukes it up (normally GF is eaten cold, but for some reason, this guy likes the fish warm)...so now, the broth that is naturally gelatenous, has now turned into a thick, gravy-like consistency. The strong, fishy smell of the dish, made more pungent by the warming, permiated the male on-call room, to the point that other people in the hallway were making offended faces @ the eminating smell.
As if this whole challenge wasn't stomach-churning enough, the colleague decided to bump up the difficulty a notch, by drinking a quart of skim milk to go with the warmed Gefilte. Lovely.
The scene was set (Jerry Springer was on the tele) as we (the ob-gyn students, interns, and residents) watched, for a full hour in awe and horror, this man as he devoured all 8 pieces of GF, it's broth, and topped off with skim milk. Non-chalantly, I might add.
Revolting? Yes.
Disgusting? Absolutely.
Impressive? Without a doubt.
Was it worth the 10 bux? Every sweet cent of it!

So in the immortal words of Wayne Campbell (I believe I can speak for all who witnessed this gastronomical feat): "We're not worthy!"

Yep, just another day at the office ;-)

Song of the day: "Colors" - April Smith and the Great Picture Show

Warmness.

2010-03-16T16:50:00.002-05:00

Finally! The sun is shining and our attending let us out early to read 3 enormous articles in the afternoon light. Thanks, boss!
Decided to rock the shorts and sandals for this fine spring afternoon.
Off to the cafe to get my 4pm fix and it's hittin' the articles, hard. Al fresco style.

Song of the day: "Bang Bang" - Dispatch

Push!!!!

2010-03-12T00:23:00.002-05:00

I can honestly say now that I was late for my evening work because I helped delivered a baby. A slimy, gooey, slippery, bloody, beautiful baby. Mommy barely even pushed and she came out just like that! The resident was barely gloved and I was frantically looking for gloves myself when the baby began crowning. I was supposed to catch the baby, but this one wasn't stopping for anything or anybody. The whole thing didn't really dawn on me until The mom started delivering the placenta. There was so much goo and blood, I thought it wouldn't stop. But it did. Mom and baby are fine. Will check up on them again tomorrow.

P.S. It's a girl! Mazel Tov!

Song of the day: "What A Wonderful World" - Louis Armstrong

Off day

2010-03-10T18:29:00.001-05:00

I've had bad days, but today, I'm just completely out of it. I suppose I'm upset at myself for a few reasons.
1. I completely threw a colleague of mine "under the bus" in front of my attending without even realizing it...basically called him out on a benign faux pas. I'm not a dick...but on this occasion, I was absolutely not thinking about what I was saying when I mindlessly made a joke about his absence in front of the attending. Bottom line, I did not mean to make him look bad in front of our boss. He called me out and I feel horrible about it. I apologized, but not quite sure if he accepted.

2. My attending asked me if I had new opinions about the new guidelines pertaining to mammographies and pap smears. And I didn't have one. And for some reason, my not having any opinions about it made me look like I didn't know anything, which makes me feel like shit. So my indifference towards the subjects made my day more miserable.

To sum up. I feel guilty and immeasurably stupid. And I still have a boatload of reading to catch up on.
And I still have to make dinner.
And now thinking about all of this stuff is giving me a headache...which makes me want to punch something or someone...namely myself.

FML.

Song of the day: "Comfortably Numb" - Pink Floyd

weekEND

2010-03-08T01:36:00.003-05:00

YAY! Finished with surgery, at last!!! Actually to tell the truth, it wasn't all that bad. Aside from all the attitude, I enjoyed it (ok this is starting to sound like my last blog). So I think I've come to a temporary consensus...since I like both internal medicine and surgery, they will dictate my electives for this year and depending on how my electives pan, I will rank those 2 possibilities accordingly.

On another note, I really hoped that the weekend would have been responsibility-free for me, but unfortunately, it was not. After I finished the surgery SHELF exam this past Friday, I was inundated by random phone calls from random people telling me that I should finish all sorts or random paperwork needed for all sorts of random happenings (I will be more specific when these "nebulous" random happenings begin to corporialize themselves - I hope that's a word...my spell-checker is telling me otherwise). So I moseyed on down to the school library and along the way, passed by this girl in my surgery rotation who I have a wicked crush on. Let me preface by saying that prior to bumping into her, I was chowing down (as is my custom) on a Nature Valley granola bar (the ones with the almonds and peanut butter - so good...). After exchanging pleasantries and whatnot, we said our goodbyes, she headed back to the hospital, I to my cubicle in the dungeon. So I waved goodbye and in my usual way, finish with a cheery grin. I later find out to my horror, when I visited the bathroom, that a fairly sizable piece of almond skin had secured itself snugly on my front tooth, making me look like one of the inbred characters from Deliverance. "Nice..." I groaned. Oh well. Damage done. Next.

So after that whole debacle (yes, I removed the almond skin, thank you), I found an empty cubicle and proceeded to the task of busy work. Then out of nowhere, a strange girl (strange as in "stranger" not strange = weird), said "Hello" to me. I must admit, I was at a loss until she saw the blank expression on my face and pitied me. Turned out she is a visiting student who was assigned to my Internal Medicine rotation back in January. I didn't recognize her because she sat in the back of our mini-lectures and I never really got to talk to her. Well, after this little encounter, she sure chatted me up some, like I was a long lost friend or something...even gave me a stiff, jovial smack on the shoulder for a random joke I let fly. It stung like the Dickens, too. She was nice, but was really up front/mildly aggressive about any topic in our conversation...she even tried to hook me up with her sister who lives in Virginia. Really didn't know what to make out of it all. One thing that didn't jive all to well with me, she was wearing a navy blue peacoat, almost the same as the one that the last Ex wore. But, flashbacks and PTSD aside, I got over it fast and spent the next half hour of our encounter reviewing pediatric Boards questions with her. The whole situation was weirdly nice. Then she left to go to a surgery convention happening at our school that same day. She's cute, but still not my type.

That evening, I told my brother-in-law about the encounter. He asked if I got her number. I said no. Then he proceeded to ask me if I was gay (no offense). Again, I said no. Then he said, "You don't have to always date the perfect chick or a white chick all the time, you know. Just go out and have fun with a girl."
I didn't know how to respond to that one.

Now, I'm an equal-opportunity guy. It doesn't matter to me what ethnic background you are - if I like you, then I like you. However, I am known to be very picky about the girls I date (I find it a hell of a lot easier to commiserate with someone who has similar tastes as I do - which, is both a good and a bad thing, especially if you're single). And unfortunately, there haven't been many Asian (single) women in my previous dating pools, hence the whole thing about dating white women. And the ones that I developed an eye for have been way too uptight or were/are engaged/married. And for some reason, they all just can't get past the geek side of me. I've toned it down some, but I'll be damned if I have to change myself for that nonsense.

And so we come to my present state. Soon to be 30, single, and in a whole lot of debt. I disagree with my Bro-in-law about just going out willy-nilly with some woman, because I tried that once and it turned out to be a complete waste of my time and energy, and of course it's not fair to me or to the girl. So I learned from that point on that: I can't compromise (too much) about the aesthetic/idiosyncratic parameters I would like my woman to have; flings and one-night-stands is not what I'm about; I want a relationship based on friendship, passion, and a keen interest for each other; I don't care what color you are, so long as you dig me and I dig you.

Bottom line - I don't want perfect, just the one who's perfect for me.

Song of the day: "Hey Julie" - Fountains of Wayne

The dark side

2010-03-03T20:14:00.002-05:00

So I'm coming to the end of my surgery rotation. Despite the attitude and the crappy work schedule...I did enjoy myself. Does this mean I like surgery? I'm not sure. Does this mean that I would forsake my initial idea of going into family medicine and go for a surgical internship? I don't know. I am absolutely torn and I'm not sure if I even have what it takes get into surgery. I've been toying with the idea for a little over a week now and it hasn't been pretty. Lots of things are jumbled up in my head along with study material for the end-of-rotation exam and it's gotten me in quite an anxious state, that even my teeth today were hurting because they were anxious.
I need guidance. I need direction. I need a drink.
Wish me luck on Friday.
Next week, Ob/Gyn. I got my baby-catching glove ready. Bring it.

Song of the day: "California II" - Mason Jennings

Local movie theater does good

2010-02-28T01:40:00.002-05:00

I did not expect my local movie cinema to actually have fresh-cut flowers by the sinks in the men's bathroom.
But they did.
And they looked nice.
And I thought it odd.
Weird for a cinema? Maybe. But it caught my attention, and their eye for this small detail gets them an A+ in my book.
That and they actually gave me a student discount on top of a matinee price.
Sweet.

Song of the day: "Naked As We Came" - Iron and Wine

More snow, part deux

2010-02-27T00:13:00.001-05:00

Well, that was anti-climactic. The "perfect" storm that everybody was so worried about didn't even last that long today. By the afternoon, all the slush on the ground had melted. At most, six inches on the grass...and only because some of the old snow was still below the new one. Granted, I did get stuck going in the parental units' driveway, but that's neither here nor there. I seriously thought I would get another snow day out of that storm. Wouldn't you know it, the damn School Emergency Alert System canceled the inclement weather alert and opened the damn school @ 8 in the morning, but that didn't do me any good either way cuz I had to wake my sorry ass up @ 6 in the morning to dig my car out and shovel the driveway so I can be in the hospital by 7. Lemme tell you, that made the day feel like forever.

I WANTED MY SNOW DAY, DAMMIT! Seriously, Ol' Man Winter, don't get our hopes up like that. It's like what they say in the Olympics: Go big or go home! So next time, don't go half-assed about making it snow and just do it!

Song of the day: "Ne Me Quitte Pas" - Regina Spektor

More snow

2010-02-25T22:32:00.002-05:00

I have high hopes for this incoming snow storm. Apparently this one is a merger of 3 other storms from the northwest, northeast and south, ganging up to become the worst winter weather of this season, so far. As testament to this, it looks like pea soup outside and the snow is blowing sideways. And the wind is whipping something fierce, very loud even from the inside.

On the upside, We got another early dismissal from surgery again today. Our cases were done by 1pm (a thyroidectomy, an excision of a Left ear non-healing lesion (possibly squamous cell carcinoma), and a lipoma removal) and even got to catch lunch. By then, the snow was steadily falling and the emergency school alert system was sending all sorts of closing details. So our residents cut us loose and I hightailed it out of there for home and caught a glorious 3 hour nap.

Don't know what's up for tomorrow but I'm just happy to be home tonight and have some rest for another round of studying. SHELF exams in 1 week so I have to be ready. Glad the snow is helping with this one.

Song of the day: "Just Ain't Gonna Work Out" - Mayer Hawthorne

The pot calling the kettle "black"

2010-02-24T17:05:00.003-05:00

I'm a ridiculous person.

I get really giggly when I see people fall asleep or nod off during a lecture. I look at them and guffaw at how stupid/moronic (I know...harsh, right?) they look, dozed off or fighting back their eyelids to stay awake. I get a bigger kick when they get caught snoring/drooling.

Then I realized...Crap! I do that too! Case in point, me in today's morning conference, getting caught by my intern for 1. nodding off, 2. snoring, and 3. waking up all surprised and confused...all within the first 5 minutes of the lecture!

Excellent.

Gotta love them 6am classes.

Song of the day: "I Turn My Camera On" - Spoon

Burning bridges

2010-02-22T00:40:00.002-05:00

It's relatively possible to forget even for a bit, the things that went wrong in your life when you're occupied. You go to work, you're immersed in busy stuff, you fill your hours with charts and projects and facts and all sorts of information because it is asked of you...and despite the materials' dryness or difficulty or monotony, you plod on through, and before you know it, it's quitting time. That's when you realized that the loud side of your brain, that nagging part that constantly prods, questions, shouts, needles you into hashing and rehashing all that crap that happened to you in the past...has been silent all this time. And you say to yourself "thank God for the work."
The work this whole 3rd year has been very good for me. It can be overwhelming at times, but it has kept me occupied and on track on a "more or less" even keel. I can honestly say that I've had no time to cry about spilled milk. When the last break up happened last year, I had a severely emotional breakdown that night, followed by a day of being a zombie. It was difficult to concentrate on the work, but I decided to put the work to good use, and lo and behold, I got through that patch...not as well as I would have liked, but under the circumstances, I could've been a lot more worse off.
Fast forward to tonight. I'm checking FB when I come across somebody who is in acquaintance with the ex. Feeling the need to satisfy my curiosity, I click on and follow the links to her. To my surprise, I can't fully access her FB page. It seems that either I'm blocked or have been removed from her list.
I can't say that I didn't expect it. Take for instance after she broke up with me, I erased her phone number from my mobile. So why not her doing the same to me on FB? I was in shock...and a little bit confused, like "how dare you un-friend me?"-type of confused. OK, so maybe "insulted" is a more accurate term for this. I take a breath, compose myself, and slowly come back to my senses. I close FB and after taking a minute to myself, I slowly felt a heavy sense of sadness, as if I had crossed a bridge and then burned it. Then more feelings of regret started creeping in and that loud part of my brain all of the sudden, woke up from its nap and is not wasting time at all with niceties, but rather is laying it on plenty thick on me. "Did I do everything in my power to have prevented it? What did I do to her to make her go away? What did she see in that douche?"
So in my traditional fashion, I go back to the movies and find the appropriate quote for such an occasion, and sure enough...I find it.

"You know what's the worst thing about somebody breaking up with you? It's when you remember how little you thought about the people you broke up with and you realize that is how little they're thinking of you." - (Jesse) Before Sunrise

Fuck it.
I'm going to bed.

Song of the day: "Miss Misery" - Elliott Smith

Down for the count

2010-02-21T15:53:00.003-05:00

Curse you, you stomach bug! Curses!
You may have won this battle, but mark my words, I will emerge from this agony of stomach cramps and nausea, a stronger person. And I swear, you will pay dearly for the pain you have caused. Dearly, you hear me!
You will RUE the day!
Go ahead...start rue-ing!

Song of the day: "I'm Tired" - Madeline Kahn (Blazing Saddles)

Change of pace

2010-02-20T00:33:00.014-05:00

Week 4 of surgery rotation: over. This week was a fairly light load pretty enjoyable. My resident was very cool and down-to-earth. Between the 2 of us, we were quoting up random comedy movies...it was like hanging out w/ old buddies back in High School. Eerie. Pleasantly eerie.

Anyways, once dismissed, I headed to the library for a little light review, then it was off to a very local venue (the Loft - Audubon, NJ) where my friend, Sam, and his band, Romance Is Born (F***ing Awesome name for a band, BTW), were holding a CD release party along w/ 2 other associate bands. They were all good, but of course, I have to cheer on my buddy. He plays a Rickenbacher Jazz Guitar that sounded absolutely sweet tonight. RIB's songs definitely had plenty of pop elements to offer, but it's their solid indie rock sensibilities that kept the sound true and far from saccharine. The lyrics are deceptively simple, something that any guy or girl that has ever gone through love and loss, especially in their formative years, can relate to. However, it was in the band's ability to deliver their songs with gritty sincerity, laden with thick passion as can only be brought on by late nite musings about the heavy subject of romance (whether coming into or falling out of) that gave their sound real weight, enough to knock you upside your head and grab your attention.
What's even cooler, was all the money they get from CD sales go to their charity, The Arc of New Jersey! Talented AND generous! A class act, through and through.
Check out the links I put up and show them some love.

Meanwhile, I was sonically taking all of it in from the audience side, as well as taking band pics with my new camera =).

Song of the day: "I Got Time" - Romance Is Born

My moment of zen

2010-02-18T23:37:00.005-05:00

When the alarm goes off @ 4:45am, I have to hit it a few times before I can roll off the bed. If I'm lucky, I eventually get up by 5 and it's off to the shower. A quick 10 minutes in the glorious hot water (btw, the house is a balmy 65 degrees when you wake), and I'm out again, shivering, drying off, and crazily getting geared up for the hospital: dress shirt-check, slacks-check, white coat stuffed with granola bars, pens, crackberry, itouch, ID badge, med/surg reference books-check, my lucky celtic spinner ring-check, check, and triple check. Then I grab my glasses, change bag, scarf, coat, and shoes and I'm off to do battle once more as a lowly med student in the germ-infested, pimp-question laiden halls of the hospital. 12+ hours of moving and shaking, and I'm back home to read and study some more (every once in a while, tutor and work @ the library) and sometimes the day doesn't end until after midnight.

I don't get much calm from the time I wake up to the time I hit the sack. So I thank God for what ever peace I can get...and lately, it's been the 5 minutes I spend warming up my car before driving to work. I turn the engine on, breathe a big lungful of crisp, cold air, and stare out at the winter sky, witnessing the first rays of dawn barely breaking through the dark velvet. I watch my breath form small cloud vapors and just zone out as they disappear silently. I quietly meditate on the windshield frost and wait patiently for that first water droplet to fall. Before I know it, it's time to go. So I hit the radio switch and tune in to NPR. And if I'm lucky, the morning show would play a song that gets me in the groove.

This morning, I got lucky (songwise, not...you know...but It'll do for now). And today was a good day.

Song of the day: "The Book Of Love" - Peter Gabriel (Scrubs sdtk)

Week 4

2010-02-16T18:20:00.005-05:00

Recovering from 32+ hours of being awake (studying, putting together a presentation on burns, making jambalaya).
I'm realizing that this fear of public presentations is getting way out of hand. I was so nervous that it took me forever to piece a 15 minute powerpoint presentation. I stayed up all night rehearsing and re-rehearsing and coming up with all all sorts of possible questions my preceptor could ask me about my topic. Then when I got home from school (At this point, I've been up since 9am, Sunday to 4:30am, the next day), I couldn't even sleep a wink. So I took a shower, got dressed and went to the hospital an hour early for morning report...an hour early.
Good thing my Resident that day was cool and the service wasn't too busy. We spent most of the morning just talking about my presentation and peppering it with random bits of baseball news. We even got time to get breakfast and coffee! So We finished by 11:30am, and I was off, driving back to school to give my schpiel. It went without a hitch. My Preceptor liked it and I felt stupid because I had all this other material that I did not even get to present nor needed to present. Completely over-prepared!
So back home I went. It was now about 5:30ish by the time I dropped my bookbag and crawled into my jammies.
Fade to black.
Woke up at 12:30am, Tuesday morning. Thought I overslept and almost fell out of bed, scrambling to get dressed. After swallowing my heart back into place, I went back to sleep.
3:30am, same day. Woke up this time, a lot calmer, and was coming off of a dream of me thinking about how much I love my bed...

"My Bed"

By TOitB

My comfort, my fortress,

My tall ship on the wild sea.

Ain't no place I'd rather be.

My inspiration, my destination,

At all times with no reservations.

And parking is always free.

My real estate, my property,

I know its peaks and valleys,

Every inch of space just for me.

My dream maker,

My battery charger,

My diesel generator...

My Proton Pack-

My sex machine-

My...peachy keen, jelly bean...

My Protest to War and Corruption-

My Green Power to End Pollution-

My Solution to Health Care

and this Great Recession!

Everybody loves it.

Just try it, you won't regret it.

I promise, you will enjoy it!

My One,

My Only,

My delicious Bed.

OK, not exactly Oscar Wilde Material, but hey, I have my aspirations still.
And now, I'm back in the library, blogging to y'all instead of reading my articles. I hope you appreciate the sacrifice I'm doing for your sakes.
FYI, nothing too crazy going on in surgery land. Last week's Anesthesia rotation was pretty tame...and abbreviated, due to snow. Lots of snow. Like 30 inches of it in 2 separate days! But I digest...anyways, the coolest surgery I saw thus far was a thyroidectomy...this woman's thyroid was about the size of a small baseball or a big golf ball...and it had a long ass tail (pyramidal lobe for all you sticklers out there) that went all the way up to her chin! 5+ hours of surgery. Lots of standing.
Good times.
That is all.

Song of the Day: "Something" - The Beatles

...cuz Abbey Road Studios is up for sale =(.

Watch out for that first step, Part 2

2010-02-11T22:46:00.002-05:00

It finally happened.

No, I didn't fall in love. Again.
But I did fall. Hard. On a nice patch of black ice. On the incline at the end of the driveway. Where my foot went through slush the last time.

Oh, I'm ok for now, but we'll see what tomorrow brings. Possible stiff back and achy shoulder and a nice black and blue bum.

Again, just so we're all clear...I officially hate winter.

P.S. More snow is in the future. Next Tuesday, I believe. Grrr.

Song of the day: "Baby It's Cold Outside" - Leon RedBone and Zoey Deschanel

Breakup songs for Valentines day

2010-02-10T20:32:00.006-05:00

I'm taking a cue from the NPR show "All Songs Considered" and at the suggestion of S&P, am posting a list of songs I think would be in my playlist for the subject of Breakups.

As always, feel free to add:

1. "Lesson Learned" - Ray LaMontagne
2. "Last Goodbye" - Jeff Buckley
3. "I'm Gonna Find Another You" - John Mayer
4. "Song For The Dumped" - Ben Folds Five
5. "Cry Me A River" - Harry Connick Jr. (The Justin Timberlake song w/ similar title is also substitutable)
6. "Sign On The Door" - Edwin McCain
7. "Parting Gift" - Fiona Apple
8. "Nothing But A Miracle" - Diane Birch
9. "The Reason Why" - Rachael Yamagata
10. "Interstate Love Song" - STP

Song of the Day: "All Is Full Of Love" - Bjork

...Just so everything doesn't seem too gloomy.

Some people are just born romantics

2010-02-09T19:58:00.002-05:00

Check this out.
I had a 64 year-old patient today who was going for penile implant surgery. Seriously. A few minutes before we headed to the OR, I asked him the question that every guy would have asked if they were in my place...

Why?

Why would you go through such a seemingly painful (and it sure looked painful, afterwards) procedure?

He looked at me straight in the eyes and answered with a faint smile:
I love my wife...and Valentine's Day is coming up.

I just had to smile after that one.

Ah, l'amour.

Song of the day: "My Funny Valentine" - Chet Baker

Watch out for that first step

2010-02-09T00:27:00.002-05:00

This morning was a surprise. Like, took my breath - kind of surprise. As I step out from the driveway to my car parked across the street, a patch of ice gave way and my foot was plunged into a bone-chilling slurry of half melted salt and ice.
So now I have to go back inside, change out of my freezing wet socks and wear another pair of dry shoes. Oh, you bet I was cursing up a storm.
It's official. I hate winter.

P.S. Vancouver called. The winter olympics want their snow back.
P.P.S. Another snowstorm is coming tomorrow (today, actually). 10 more inches. Great...

Song of the day: "If I Could Give All My Love To You" - Counting Crows

My stupid mouth

2010-02-08T01:50:00.002-05:00

This year's superbowl came and went. Woopeee. My friends once more bitched and moaned about how they didn't win on any of the pools. The commercials this year were kinda weak as well (except for the E-Trade talking babies, pretty funny).
So the game is done, most were packing away left overs and here I was, sitting on the couch with a few of my friend's girlfriend's girlfriends (quite a mouthful, I know). So I'm minding my own business, trying to finish my bowl of chili when the next TV program comes on. The show's called "Undercover Boss," about a CEO of a big company going undercover and infiltrating his company's various divisions to see what things are working and which parts need to be improved upon. Out of nowhere, I just blurted out, "Oh, it's just like Henry V," not realizing that I had said it out loud. The rest of the girls looked at me all funny, so for edification's sake I began explaining the literary connection, then I realized halfway through it that I was glaringly tooting my Geek horn loud and clear. So I bailed, took another piece of carrot stick, crammed it in my mouth and sank back down into the futon and pretended that I didn't care.
But it was too late. I can clearly see that I have said too much, judging by the dazed and confused look on their faces. Went over their heads like a big, fat airplane. Why can't I control my inner geek?!

Song of the day: "When The Saints Go Marchin' In" - Louis Armstrong & Danny Kaye

2 down, 4 more to go

2010-02-05T20:56:00.002-05:00

5 days of sleep depravation, and week 2 of surgery rotation is over. Remember when I said that most of the residents in surg are douches, at the beginning of this week, I thought, yea...that's about right. Today, however, proved to be the exception to the rule. The chief resident, who was supposed to be gunning for me, turns out to be not so bad...he can joke around, despite being blunt most of the time. He even took a little bit of time to teach us something today after a colostomy reversal case. On the flip side, one of the 4th year residents, who I thought was really nice, was somewhat feisty today...perhaps because she's on call tonight and there's supposed to be this huge blizzard coming to our area that's gonna snow trap us all by tomorrow. Anyhoo, I was getting a history on a new ER admit, and I wrote down something stupid that the patient said (I'd rather not repeat it...it was too embarassing, and it was something I knew was a medical impossibility, yet I continued to document, none the less). Well, I certainly looked dumb when I mentioned it to my resident, for which she scolded me for it...I deserved it I suppose. But then she smacked me in the arm...something I don't think higher ups do to their subordinates, unless they were totally being familiar. And I'm not sure if she was trying to go for that effect to make me feel better. So I felt bad, then I got confused...which is not a good combination to go with sleep deprivation. Luckily, there was more work to be done and less time being a dolt.

BTW. New pet peeve: poor medical historians. Cantstandya!

So, by 6pm, we gave our reports, said our goodbyes, and changed out of our scrubs. Wouldn't you know it, the Scrub dispenser machine decides to get snippy with me and takes my scrubs without giving me back my credit (FYI scrub machines only give you new scrubs if you have credit, and you only get credit if you give back your used scrubs). So I was stuck in the locker room for another hour, waiting for housekeeping to give me a new pair to load, so I can get credit back. On the bright side, I used that time practicing one-handed surgical ties. Finally, with my scrub credit replenished, I head out to the call room to retrieve the rest of my effects. I round the corner and all of the sudden, the 2nd year surgical resident pops out of hiding, screaming bloody murder. I nearly poop my pants in fright and he's rolling on the floor laughing his brains out. He got me good...
So, overall, a fun-loving bunch. They definitely have their bad sides, but this week, they were human beings. Fairly nice ones, I might say.

Since I haven't kept up with this week's daily blogging, I'm opting to list the surgical procedures I saw this week:
1. Laparoscopic appendectomy
2. Femoral-to-popliteal artery graft bypass
3. Hemicolectomy + Hartmann's procedure
4. Groin abscess incision and drainage
5. Reverse Colostomy (sigmoid-rectum end-to-end anastamosis)
6. Laparoscopic Roux-en-Y gastric bypass

Next week, Anesthesiology. Should be interesting.

P.S. For those who are keeping score, I never did give the thyroid CA presentation, but I did learn a lot from the readings.

Song of the day: "Heaven When We're Home" - The Wailin' Jennys

Eyes on the road

2010-02-01T01:36:00.010-05:00

One of these nights, I'm gonna get into a horrific accident. I have a bad habit of scoping out houses while I drive. Not because of any clandestine, illegal reasons, No! Are you nuts? My interests lie on the architecture itself. I picture myself as the home owner in the not-so-distant future. What kind of house would I get? A ranch, an old victorian (queen anne style maybe), some sort of Colonial, A&C, contemporary or mediterranian? You get the idea. I get a kick thinking about how the grounds would look, what type of lighting to put around, colors, trim, furnishings, THE KITCHEN!

If I wasn't studying, I'd probably be watching DIY or This Old House (among other things, of course).

OK, so the story behind my madness is this...back during my university days, I would take almost-daily 3-5 mile runs through this little town called Montclair. Near the University, there's this street (Upper Mountain Ave) that goes up a fairly inclined hill. This street has some of the most beautiful houses I've ever seen in my life. I figured, Not in a million years would I ever come up with the scratch to by such beauties. Then, there it was...this corner house, Victorian by style, 3 floors and a basement, a modest front and backyard...and absolutely falling apart at the hinges. And it was for sale! I figured, "Perfect! By the time I graduate, I'll get a job and hopefully save up enough money to buy the property and basically make this house into my renovation project."
But fate and the real estate market, as we know them, are cruel bitches. The lot was sold in the fall of my sophomore year and by the spring of my junior year, the house was all fixed, new paint and all. The people who bought the place even made the front window bigger so now every time I ran by the place, I'd get to see how great it looked on the inside as well!
That was my house, my project!
I'm bitter.
At least the house got a nice second chance.

Fast forward to now...
As for the potential accident...Driving at night through a fairly affluent residential area, where every house is practically a centerpiece does not do wonders for my concentration.

I just love to torture myself. Perhaps I aught to stick to the main highway...

Song of the day: "How Can You Mend A Broken Heart?" - Al Green

FYI: This song is crazy good on night drives.

Homey home home

2010-01-31T00:27:00.005-05:00

Decided to go home to the 'rents' today. Was planning on making an early start, but my internal clock is all messed up thanks to my week of night call. So, instead of waking up @ 9am, like a good little boy, I didn't rouse until 1pmish. And to make matters worse, I missed my oil change appointment. GRRRR! Now I have to wait one more week to get this done. My poor Mahal (my car) needs some upkeep, bad.

On another note, my mother, bless her soul, is reliving her version of a medical nightmare... lemme 'splain.
She used to suffer from terrible trigeminal neuralgia...so bad in fact, that the slightest touch on her face would send her into agony. She would have good and bad days, and when they're bad...they put her down good (nausea, vomiting, and intractable pain). She was prescribed lots of drugs: from TCAs to various anti-epileptics, to no avail. Either she'd have rebound pain or the side-effects would be too much for her. So a few years ago, she decided to have Gamma Knife Surgery @ a prestigious NYC hospital, for which she paid a hefty sum of money, out of pocket I might add, since this type of procedure is not covered by normal health insurance...it worked. For 3 years, it worked.
Fast forward to now. She's been having bad bouts of TN and had to resort back to her meds, which zonk her out, preventing her from functioning during the day. Taking it at night is an option, but come morning, the effects wear off and she spends the rest of the day in pain. So, seeing that GK surgery was unsuccessful at permanently keeping her pain-free, and the drugs don't seem to work for her either...I have suggested that my mother see an Osteopath (DO) for some Craniosacral treatment. Being that I'm a soon-to-be DO, I want to see how this treatment, developed by my predecessors, stacks up to my mom's disease process and to prove or disprove (to myself) the validity of said treatment. We've explored all other non-invasive procedures. I hope this one takes, otherwise...it may be another expensive dose of GKS or worse, the real knife surgery.

Song of the day: "The Drugs Don't Work" - Ben Harper

Conflicted

2010-01-30T02:00:00.004-05:00

Is it wrong for me to hate Wegman's but love it at the same time?

Song of the day: "Cartoons and Forever Plans" - Maria Taylor

BTW, This is the type of doctor I want to be =)

4th day

2010-01-29T09:23:00.005-05:00

Surgery day 4
6pm - New day, new resident. I didn't get to follow up on the patients I was with yesterday. I hope they're doing well after surgery.

8pm - Today was all about management. For the most part, the resident and I spent a good deal of the night trying to maintain people's blood pressures and hemoglobin counts until the next morning, where other surgeons can come in and eventually work on them if need be. So the night wasn't too crazy, but still we kept people from tanking, which is a very good thing.

My resident tonight was very cool. He started out as a flight doc for the air force, but wanted to be an ENT, so he had to go back and do a surgical residency, which set him back a few extra years. He's a family man and very easy going. He likes to teach and all the nursing staff seem to adore him. On the way to a call from another hospital, we were blaring Boston on his CD player! Heck, when we got there, my resident even ended up singing a country duet with the patient while he got blood and fluids. Did not expect to see that at all. So apparently not all surgical residents are bitter SOB's.

At around 4:30am, The resident and I caught a break and finally got a half-hour nap before radiology review @ 6am.

All in all a decent 4th day. Now I'm pooped and ready for a nice nappy nap. See you later.

Song of the day: "Submarine Symphonika" - The Submarines

Something New

2010-01-29T09:23:00.004-05:00

Surgery day 3
6:30pm - Today was busy. Real busy. Started out with attending to a few patients in the ER. 1st was a middle-aged lady with a 3cm abscess on her left breast which needed some I&D (incision and drainage). She was a diabetic and her sugars have been running unchecked for a while. She was worried it was something more serious, like breast cancer, but luckily it wasn't. Nice way to start an evening with the resident, with a little procedure.

9pm - The evening continued on at another hospital...as my resident gets a call from another facility she was covering. So we take a ride to the town next door and check out another ER case. Another middle-aged lady, this time she's having nausea and some vomiting with abdominal pain for the past 3 days + a history of chronic constipation. Her belly was getting pretty distended and after further imaging/testing, it was decided that she needed surgery to decompress her abdomen, fast! So the surgeon and the resident allow me to scrub in with them. Mind you this is my first time scrubbing in, so I have no idea as to what to do nor do I have any clue about the dos and don'ts inside the surgical suite. I felt like a bull in a china shop.
Remember when I told you that surgery people are mean (see Jan 24th blog)...well this was not the case. The scrub nurse was very eager to teach and she guided me pretty well with scrubbing, gowning up, and keeping myself from messing up the sterile field. The surgeon was very cool and he let me assist as much as possible.

12am-ish - This ain't no cadaver. Everything about this is so different from anatomy class. Everything was so...Fresh! 1st incision was made, from the suprapubic, up around the umbilicus to the halfway mark between the xiphoid and the bellybutton...a straight vertical line going down the belly. Soon after, I was wrist deep in intestines, suctioning, retracting, and cutting sutures. At one point, I got fixated on the small bowel doing its peristaltic action (way cool).

2am - after much exploration and looking through every nook and cranny of that poor lady's bowels, we finally figured out what was causing this poor woman's belly pain...a small perforation, about a millimeter in diameter, located in her sigmoid was releasing fecal material in her peritoneum and this was making all sorts of abscesses all over her guts. We irrigated and washed all of her bowels for what seemed like forever. The woman got a hemicolectomy (the portion of the perf-ed bowel was removed) and the open end of the large bowel was made into a colostomy.

3am - Once the colostomy was in place, we began decompression immediately. There was no way we can put this woman's guts back inside because she was so full of S*%#! This was the REALLY MESSY AND GROSS PART. I'll save you the gory details save for one...the surgeon was milking and squeezing the large bowel like a giant tube of toothpaste. You can fill in the rest of the details yourselves (or not).

4:30am - The surgeon was finally satisfied that everything looked clean, that there was no more bleeding, and the ostomy was in place, so we finally closed her up. It was pretty impressive to watch both the surgeon and resident truss up the patient like a stuffed bird, as blunt as it may sound. But they did a very good job. The patient was brought out of anesthesia and was sent to recovery with no other issues at that time.

5:30am - My back hurts. My feet hurt even more. After that surgery, there was another emergent appendectomy that I got to scrub in on too. This time the surgery was done with a laparoscope so it wasn't too traumatic (only 4 dime-sized holes were needed). I got to hold the fiberoptic scope as the surgeon removed this thumb-sized appendix with pincers and cautery tools. The whole procedure took about 45 minutes. And the patient did well.

And so goes my 3rd day in surgery. Way cool.

Song of the day: "Jungle Drum" - Emiliana Torrini

Cut, cut...slice, slice

2010-01-27T01:50:00.006-05:00

Surgery day 1
15 minutes late for orientation. Starting out real swell...
The Chief attending surgeon outlined what it takes to honor the rotation...in a nutshell, I'd have to be a soft-spoken genius/a subtle brown-noser extraordinaire/a dogged army private/a profssional slave...and to top it all off, I'd have to like it and ask for more of it.
Lovely.

Surgery day 2
I have night call from Tuesday to Friday for this week only (6p-6a). Mind you, this is followed by a lecture series from 6-9am...
So far, my ID badge won't let me get OR scrubs from the dispensing machine so that made me late. Again. Thankfully, another doctor (Anesthesiologist) was nice enough to pity me and loaned me a clean pair from his own batch! Also, my resident for tonight is a sweetheart and a half. She gave me an early break so I decided to hole up in the on-call room and study.

10pm - Hungry. My stomach is growling and I finished my 4th granola bar. The cafeteria is closed and I can't leave yet! I need protein. Or a tasty Greek salad (grape leaves, olives, feta, chicken...nummy...best stop before I faint).

So if all is quiet tonight, perhaps I can get some shut-eye before morning rounds and a 3 hour lecture series that's sure to titillate the mind...hurray...

Tonight's tunage is brought to you by the sassy Ms. Single and Picky. Enjoy!

Song of the day: "Why Try To Change Me Now" - Fiona Apple

Arghhhh!

2010-01-25T00:32:00.001-05:00

So I have surgery rotations tomorrow...AND I CAN'T SLEEP!

Figures.

Multiple songs of the day (random tunes heard on the radio that made my commute home today a hell of a lot better):
1. Valentin Sylvestrov (Composer)

2. "You Send Me" - Sam Cooke

3. "Lisztomania" - Phoenix

4. "Drop It Like It's Hot" - Snoop Dogg + Pharrell Williams

5. "Kick Drum Heart" - The Avett Brothers

Mack the knife

2010-01-24T00:58:00.005-05:00

So, it's goodbye Internal Med, Hello Surgery.
It was fun while it lasted. I hope I did well in my exam...

I was prepped tonight over sushi by friends that being in surgery is a practice of patience, endurance, and ninjitsu (art of invisibility). It seems that a good deal of the surgical residents and attendings are douches (and that term is used in the most endearing way). They make you come in at 5:30AM, they make you stand for hours on end, they don't give you lunch breaks, they deny you catered food from their meetings (vs. Internal med docs who are nice and quite willing to share the catered goodness), and they treat you as if you're a lackey who is undeserving of their respect. Apparently these people are likened to the prototypical petty high school jocks and socialites who are highly prone to back-stabbing and trash-talking.

One must be blind, deaf, and mute to survive in such a rotation, so they say. Avoid the drama, if I can...but keep eyes and ears open for potential blog topics on this rotation. Wish me luck.

Hmmm...six weeks of this? At least I get to wear comfy scrubs.

Song of the day: "Slow New York" - Richard Julian

Moving right along

2010-01-22T02:01:00.003-05:00

One of the few memories I take with me (for better or worse) as my Internal med rotation comes to a close is the story of Mrs. ___.

Mrs. ___, a 68 yo F. patient of mine a few weeks ago during my inpatient IM rotation is in the hospital for worsening SOB (that's Shortness Of Breath ;-)).

She claims that she was a stripper during her heyday and insists on sleeping buck-nekked underneath her covers hoping that her other "cute" doctor would examine her thoroughly!

Sure enough, after the morning labs came out, my attending sends me and another intern to her room to do a rectal exam on her (to check for occult blood).

Needless to say, it was quite disturbing for me...and my intern.
And the kicker was, after I finished the exam, she proceeded to thank me for it...and with a smile!

Never really thought that rectal exams warranted a thank you. What disturbs me is that I don't know if Mrs. ___ was being appreciative or inappropriate or both.

Sorry if this post sounds uncouth. Still, the humor of this situation wasn't lost to either my attending, her resident or my other fellow students. They just love bringing it up from time to time.

Hey, I didn't exactly say that this memory was all rainbows and bubblegums.

And on that note, I take my leave and wish all my colleagues taking the IM SHELF exam tomorrow the best of luck.

Song of the day: "Healing Hands" - Citizen Cope

Say What?!

2010-01-20T00:52:00.006-05:00

A girl I had a massive crush on a few years ago, made a matter-of-fact comment about a song on the radio while I was driving her home from dinner. What she said absolutely floored me at the time (it was amazing that I didn't get into an accident, but I digress). The same song was on the radio tonight and I got all deja vu-ey.

Picture this...
End of a long, long day, and the one that you're pining for has nothing but smiles for you as the two of you lazily talk about nothing over a heap of disco fries and grilled cheese sandwiches.

Next thing you know, it's almost 11pm.

So you take her home and pop in the CD in the player to make the ride extra nice.

It's the Shins, playing "Caring is Creepy."

You stop at a red light and you just see her grinning mischievously under the streetlamp light.

You ask "penny for your thoughts?" (You're a sap when it comes to classic movie quotes, btw).

She doesn't say, but keeps on grinning. You figure, she's having fun, so you let it go at that.

You get to her house and just before she steps out of the car, she says "You know that song "Caring is Creepy"? I think that's a "Fuck Me!" song. Yep. That's my "Fuck Me!" song."

She winks, then kisses you on the cheek, then heads for the doorway. She blows you a kiss for the road, smiles once more then heads inside the house.

All the while you're head is reeling, questioning whether she was messing with you something harsh or was dropping a crazy-serious hint. Your cheek, memorizing the feel, the smell of her kiss. WTF.

Since then, I've discovered other songs with the same "Fuck Me!" quality as did that Shins song back then. These may be potential points of contention with you, but it would sure make for interesting conversation.

The list is as follows (in no particular order):
* "Vancouver" - Jeff Buckley
* "Let It Be Me" - Ray LaMontagne
* "Clap Hands" - Tom Waits
* "Watching The Detectives" - Elvis Costello
* "Searching For The Satellites" - Bleu
* "Gold Lion" - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
* "How Does It Feel" - D'Angelo
* "L'amour Ne Dure Pas Toujours" - Feist
* "Love And Happiness" - Al Green
* "Me And Mrs. Jones" - Billy Paul

These are just off the top of my head. Feel free to add. This would make for a crazy setlist.

Song of the day: "Caring Is Creepy" - The Shins

Stating the obvious

2010-01-14T22:17:00.003-05:00

Normally I have a very prodigious amount of patience for patients. I'll sit there and shoot the shit with them even though there are time constraints with their office visits. The stories they tell are amazing and everyone of them, priceless. The patients themselves seem to appreciate the banter and it makes their visit a little less stressful. Today, however, I could feel my blood pressure rapidly reaching critical, because of them.

How, you ask, did they manage to get under my usually tough outer shell?

4 words: "Why aren't you married?"

It's all together sad when all I can say was "I wish I knew..."

I must've been asked this at least a dozen times before quitting time today. I was clenching my teeth so much, I think I developed TMJ disease after all of that nonsense. Sometimes the questioning doesn't end there. Some patients like to probe a little more and make mindless suggestions like "maybe you should try those internet sites" or "I got a niece that would be perfect for you."

Sometimes I think that the doctors that precept my rotation judge me on my bachelorhood as well. They always seem so surprised after they ask when I tell them my age and that I'm single. It's even worse when there are other people around me who are my age or younger and they are already married and/or have kids of their own. Somehow, the comparisons are made automatically, but in the most "tactful" of senses, of course.

Then they end with, "Well, you're going to be a doctor soon. You'll find the right one, eventually."

It's quite demoralizing, really. It's gotten so bad that at one point, I was compelled to lie about my age just so I can dodge their judgmental questions. To me, it sounds as if they are implying my becoming a doctor is the only redeeming quality and selling point at this point in my life.

Can't I have at least a tiny iota of slack on this subject? Yes, I am getting older, but the church ain't goin' nowhere, either. And if I knew why I'm still single, we wouldn't be having this conversation in the first place anyways. I'm not that lucky like the rest of America's wedded sons and daughters are, but that doesn't mean that I'm broken. I'm 29 and single...and there's nothing wrong with that.

Give it a rest. Get a life and move on.

Song of the day: "You Don't Know Me" - Ben Folds feat. Regina Spektor