Am I wrong or even insensitive/selfish for even considering the possibility of applying for a residency somewhere other than NJ? I've had many conversations like this before with cousins, relatives, and the most recent one, my brother-in-law and sister. They site the fact that my parents are getting older and in their golden years, might need a little helping hand or so. Hmmm. Great. So they pad the argument by saying that I've been always "independent" and that I have my "own life to lead," but in the end they get their digs by playing the "elderly parents" card, emphasizing the idea that I should remain within a 1+ hour driving range. They even question the idea of me living in neighboring States like New York, Pennsylvania, and Delaware.
A few things bother me about this:
1. My parents aren't that old. They're in their 50s and are very independent. And aside from the usual old people problems (HTN, arthritis, smoking), they still have a number of good years ahead of them, provided they smarten up and quit smoking/eat better. If they need help, they got my number.
2. I've lived in Jersey for most of my adolescent/adult life. I believe I'm entitled to put down roots of my own in other places in this great country of ours. Places where a sales tax is non-existent and property taxes are actually reasonable. Places where nosy neighbors are very few and so is the traffic. Besides, I go where the work takes me.
3. I'll be damned to let others dictate where I go, considering that I'm the one paying for my med school education. If they decide to cover the 180K+ bill, then I'll go wherever they please. Maybe.
4. One of my mentors told me that there are really good job offers out there if I'm willing to expand my horizons and not be limited geography. I'd apply all over the US if it didn't cost so much.
I understand the importance of family and the feeling of confidence you get when blood is close enough to get your back when you're in the ropes, to be close to your family when an emergency hits, or to just be around and be handy for whatever they need. After all, I am where I am now because of what they've done/sacrificed for me and I should return the favor. But in the end, did they really put me through all of the lessons and schooling and broadened my horizons just so they can have a baby-sitter for when they're old? I have no qualms about taking care of them if they're sick, infirm, broke, or lonely. I'll be more than happy to look after them if they need looking after. But I don't think my parents are so cruel to the point of not actually let me live my life the way I see fit. They lived their lives the way they thought them best and in the process, showed me how to be independent. To live any less would be an insult to their teachings.
Funny how everybody is giving me their two cents about where I should go for residency. The only people who haven't really thought of this as an issue are my parents. Go figure! The day will come when I will do the same for my kids, as my parents did for me. The day will also come when I will look after my parents. For now, however, my life is my own and I don't need guilt trips from anybody about how I aught live it.
Song of the day: "Home" - Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros
1 comment:
Oh well let me tell you a little story, I got this same speech from my mother when I attempted to move away for my undergrad (it was HUGE drama which I gave in because of), and any time I mentioned moving afterwards, even when CEF and I were planning on living in West Palm because I couldn't support the both of us on my salary here I got drama from her about never seeing me or the grand-babies (what grand-babies?). In time I've learned that her reasoning was one of control. She wanted to know that she had control over my actions.
It's about control, it's about knowing that if they can convince you to stay, they can convince their own children to stay close and that they can alter other decisions in your life - who you'll marry to where you'll spend the holidays.
I don't know what's going to happen with my Dad's health, but I do know that he will be my responsibility at some point in time, when that time comes the changes are going to be made, but I'm not going to start altering my life now for him.
So apply wherever you believe is right for you. You can blame me for it, I can handle it. Seattle is nice :) Oregon is really good - remember we don't get winter here, if that helps.
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