I'm still alive

Yes, yes.  I've been away too long.
But at the behest of certain readers out there (you know who you are), I have come back.
This month has been really busy and ridiculously hectic for me. 
So I will try to sum up some of my insights from this past month in my usual list fashion (don't you just love it?):

1.  I was on away rotation about a month ago in another state.  I will not name said state, only that it was very cold there and I had a ridiculously hard time getting comfortable there.  Needless to say, my performance suffered.  But it was to my benefit that I have learned several things that I really needed to work on before my internship year begins, all from this one rotation.  I can be thankful for that.
2.  As much as I enjoy driving, I'm happy to be home.  I was quite afraid I was going to get a DVT.
3.  I spent way too much money on presents this year (but they all deserved it).
4.  The lines this year were surprisingly short and bearable.  And I didn't run into traffic at all (Except in Maryland.  That just sucked).
5.  Once again, Sears comes through for me.  I <3 you!
6.  Interviews are starting to wear me down.  I hate taking time off from my current rotation so I can go for interviews.  I wish my school gave us a month off for these things.  And I'm not too keen on canceling any of them, but the more I look into it, I might just have to...ugh.
7.  Still freaking out about matching into these residency programs.
8.  The need to finish Thank You letters is mounting.  Like, a lot!  I have 3 schools to write for still!
9.  Thank goodness, I finished all my bill-paying today.  Now if the mailman will so kindly brave the blizzard, I will gladly hand him my posts.
10.  My laundry doesn't seem to want to end.  Where are all these dirty clothes coming from???
11.  Seems like I'll be doing some flying as well in the next month.  Miami and Houston, Yay!
12.  I need a personal assistant.  STAT!
13.  Wow, this blizzard is really coming down like mad.  This is seriously a white out!  Not really looking forward to shoveling all of this crap tomorrow.  But I suppose, it's a small price to pay for a snow day.
14.  Nothing beats mom's home cookin'! Yum.
15.  I seriously need to catch up on my TV.  I'm making a Christmas request for next year: DVR, please. 
16.  It's amazing to see that Barnes and Noble has a whole section dedicated to teen vampires.  What has the world come to? 
17.  It drives me up the wall when my school decides to do didactic teaching that is remotely relevant to our clinical learning.  Why they insist on doing some humanities course now instead of something more useful like, oh developing assessment and plans or even being a more coherent/cohesive presenter of patient information, is really beyond me.  My teeth hurt because of it. Wait, never mind. That's just the tin foil.
18.  I have eczema.  In my hands.  And I want to peel the tar out of them because they itch so much.  Nuff said.   
19.  And since I have hand eczema, I now have a new bane in my existence...the hospital hand sanitizer.  When your hands are dry and cracking, dousing them with alcohol gel does not a happy med student make.  
20.  Is it spring yet?

Dun.

Song of the day: "Jupiter Or The Moon" - Los Lobos

Ok, that's all I got for now.  I'm sure something amusing will

To the wire

Last week of my current rotation.  And this time, it's a doozey.  I have call on Monday and Thursday. That translates to two 30-hour in-hospital stays.  Yuck.  And Friday can't get here any sooner.  God help me find the strength to endure and please help me not Fuck up. 
It's snowing here and it's making everything look very Christmasy.  Still, there's a sense of loneliness that comes with it, being away from home and from everything that's familiar to you and all.  Thank goodness for friends.  Especially ones that will put you up for the night or the month, or keep you company during the long hours, or cheer you up when things are rough.
This past month has certainly been challenging.  It has for many a time, made me question my competence as a new physician.  I bemoan much of my school's shortcomings during my training years, but that wouldn't be entirely fair.  I have done my fair share of slacking off.  So in a way, I am as much to blame for my misery now as my school. I suppose I'm really angry at myself for not being as stellar in this rotation as I thought I would be. 
It really sucks when I know I'm right. 
On another note, I need to get crackin' on my Christmas shopping.  Yet another part of the season that I have been absolutely slack with.  I owe lots of people good presents.  They've been very good to me this year and I don't think I could have made it in one piece if it weren't for their help, love and supprot. 
Thank goodness this rotation is the last of my away electives.  I do enjoy the travel, but seriously, being a nomad is starting to take its toll on me.  I miss my own bed and being in familiar surroundings. In a way, I can be thankful for the experience of what a bad residency can do to a person.  It has shown me the importance of having family and loved ones nearby.  It's nice knowing that other people have your back when the proverbial shit hits the fan.  On that note, for this Christmas, I wish to find a residency that would suit me accordingly.  One that will provide me with great training, but at the same time be supportive and forgiving of my foreseeable iniquities.  Oh, and one with lots of cool and helpful new friends.  Amen.

Song of the day: "I'll Be Home For Christmas" - Holly Conlan (Hotel Cafe Presents Winter Songs)

Exercise in futility

I don't know why but my current rotation just leaves me feeling dumber than when I came in, especially on days when I am post-call. 
There were other rotations I had done before that I think were just as rigorous and I was fine, but somehow this one really manages to suck the life out of me.  I'm trying my best.  I really am.  It just seems never good enough for them.  I'm not good enough.
The really sad part is just when I was feeling a little more comfortable about treating patients, now I've become more tentative and unsure of myself. 

Song of the day: "Lost In My Mind" - The Head And The Heart