Griping

I think all in all, today was a fairly productive day.

1. Finished and e-filed my taxes, both federal and state, for the most part, free.
2. Finished a quiz on a few topics discussed this week in my Ob-Gyn rotation. Did well.
3. Payed a few medical bills. Not too bad.
4. Finished and filed my 2010-2011 FAFSA (financial aid) form. Hopefully I get my refund check very soon.
5. Printed out next week's Ob-Gyn articles (in the plural sense - like 7 of them). So far, only read a fraction of one.

So why the suggestive title on this blog?
Well, I'm kinda pissed. I'm pissed at people talking about me behind my back.
Case in point: this neighbor of ours who came by today. I'm doing items 1-5 listed above while he chatted up my brother-in-law (BIL) who was installing the new sliding doors for the porch. So this guy was all praise and fluff about how my BIL put up the new doors (which BIL did - it was a damn good job). So neighbor starts talking about how he thought BIL couldn't do it all by himself, that he would've come had BIL asked for help. Well, BIL already asked my dad for help, but called him off @ noon because I was able to give a hand a little bit (didn't tear up the wall, but did help remove the old window, helped hoist and level the new doors, and removed old nails/scrap wood cleanup, all after picking up BIL's son from a school retreat an hour away). So why so pissed, you ask? Well, said neighbor just happen to inquire if I helped or rather, I should say insinuated that I didn't help in this whole project. Mind you, I'm sitting by the counter clearly listening to all of this crap going on.
K, let's put things straight here:
1. I don't like manual labor. Never have. And let's face it, who does? That doesn't mean I'm afraid to get my hands dirty, far from it. I've done a good deal of manual labor in my day. So I'm no stranger to work.
2. If somebody asks for my help or a favor from me, if I can do it, I do it, to the best of my abilities.
3. I'm not a mind reader. I don't care what anybody says about taking initiative. As far as I'm concerned, initiative comes from experience, which means having prior knowledge of the task at hand. If I don't know the task, then I hang back and wait for orders.

So...
Firstly, I didn't know BIL was installing the new doors this weekend (I was actually passed out yesterday and was not given any prior notice nor was asked to help in the project).
Secondly, I was given a task this morning to pick up BIL's son, which I did, and even bought donuts since I saw that the project was started this morning, and that everybody would be working hard.
Thirdly, Who the fuck does this neighbor think he is, criticizing me? Why would he talk shit about me especially in front of BIL, unless BIL has already talked shit about me in front of neighbor, giving him precedence?
Fourthly, I had hoped that if BIL had any problems about me, that he'd come to me and talk to me about it so I can address it.
Fifthly, I don't know how to emphasize this enough: Given my current state, I may not look busy, but trust me, being in med school is the definition of busy. And it takes a lot out of you, both mentally and physically. You wake up at 6am to follow doctors and patients, you do all this sucking up and other extraneous crap so you can get a good rec letter/secure a spot for next year, and in the evening, do some more studying, not just for the current subject, but also prepare for boards, usually until midnight or so, all so you don't end up looking foolish if some doctor were to pimp you on some random medical question the next day. Oh, don't forget the ever looming pressure of having somebody's life in your hands plus the 200K+ student debt that you've acquired in the past 4 years. So forgive me, if once in a while I decide to crash.
I wish I could take this Neighbor of ours and stick him in our med school shoes, just so he'd know the shit we have to go through. He can't fault us for not having tried their menial jobs; most of us had them before we started med school.

Bottom line:
1. If you want my help, then ask. I'm not a mind reader.
2. Don't talk shit about me behind my back. If you got a problem about me, let me know.

Song of the day: "Shout" - Disturbed (Tears For Fears cover)

A day in the life

5:30am - woke up to 3 alarm clocks blaring. 30 seconds later, my eyes start itching, followed by a barrage of sneezes. Hopped out of bed and went straight to the bathroom for the allergy medicine.

6:30am - off to the hospital for some daily workage. In desperate need of caffeine.

7am - going over the patient list with the docs. Only 4 preggos, which means...a short morning rounds and a longer breakfast time. To the caf!

7:45am - 1st cup of coffee, done. A little more awake. Feeling slightly dry from the allergy medicine, but grateful that eyes stopped itching/sneezing subsided.

8am - Clinic. Seeing many mom-to-be's, getting ultrasounds and measurements of their little (or not so little, I should say) bundles of joy. Slowly getting bored.

10:15am - saw the youngest mom in the lot for today (20 yrs old), followed by the biggest mom (easily 450+ lbs w/ baby - BTW, she's a very non-compliant diabetic). Staring in incredulity.

10:30am - coffee wearing off...must've zoned out as the tech tried to explain what she was doing (honestly, I can't help it. The room is made dark so the Ultrasound screen can be seen).

11am - resorted to standing up just so I can stay awake. Started reading paper on ectopic pregnancies - lots of crazy facts. Bottom line: ectopics are not fun. Trust me.

11:45am - Handed a tissue to a mom who was distraught over the news the doctor gave her about her pregnancy...located a mass (most likely benign, but none the less) inside baby's head...will need further testing and imaging. Felt bad.

12pm - Lunch. Got 2nd cup of coffee. Attending reached inside my pocket to grab a scrap piece of paper. And yet another round of tasteless, yet funny banter ensued.

12:40pm - Back at the clinic. Saw twins in the oven.

1:45pm - genetic counseling w/ K. Never saw anybody explain 3 genetic diseases so fast in all my life. Bravo, K!

2pm - Eyes are getting dry (unfortunate side-effect of the allergy medicine), which is making my teeth all achy (weird, I know...then again, it could be CN V), which is giving me a headache, which is accentuated by my caffeine-induced dehydration (diuretic effect), which is driving me up the wall. Is it quitting time yet???

3pm - was dismissed from clinic and headed back to the hospital to take my daily quiz...woo hoo.

4pm - dismissed from hospital. Next stop, Library.

4:30 - 8pm - Made copies of articles, read a little, dozed off a little, facebooked a little (ok, maybe not so little)...feeling overwhelmed by how much crap there is to know about women and their vags. Nothing is ever simple with you ladies.

8:30pm - dinner @ home. More studying afterwards.

11:50pm - Threw book across the room in disgust. Blogging about how I still having that twangy, achy feeling in my teeth because of my dry eyes. Prepping for bed.

Rinse.

Repeat.

Song of the day: "Junebug" - Robert Francis

Woohoo!

Wow, 2 blogs in a day. I must be really bored.

Not really.  Although, I thought this was blog-worthy.

The vending machine gave me 2 (count'em, 2) bags of Sunchips for the price of one! Score!
Me = 1
The Establishment = 0

Bottom line: Enjoy the little things in life, even if it's just an extra bag of crisps.

Another song of the day: "Luck Be A Lady" - Marlon Brando (Guys and Dolls)

Medical silliness

Last week, my Attending got into a holiday conversation with one of his colleagues; they were discussing plans about this upcoming Pesach (Passover)...whose house to visit, who's making what dish, and so on and so forth.  Eventually they got to talking about the bad things that come along with the holidays, specifically the potential disasters that are related to food. 
Enter, the Gefilte Fish. For those not familiar with this dish, check out the link for further explanation.
So, like any boy with too much time in his hands, my Attending lays down a friendly wager: $10 to the person who can eat a whole jar of Gefilte Fish AND IT'S GELATENOUS BROTH in one hour. Of course, his colleague accepts the challenge with gusto.  
Next day, after all the work was done, a whole jar of GF was brought in by my Attending.  His colleague, after finishing a ridiculously complicated surgery, is in no mood to be trifled with...takes the jar and nukes it up (normally GF is eaten cold, but for some reason, this guy likes the fish warm)...so now, the broth that is naturally gelatenous, has now turned into a thick, gravy-like consistency.  The strong, fishy smell of the dish, made more pungent by the warming, permiated the male on-call room, to the point that other people in the hallway were making offended faces @ the eminating smell.
As if this whole challenge wasn't stomach-churning enough, the colleague decided to bump up the difficulty a notch, by drinking a quart of skim milk to go with the warmed Gefilte.  Lovely.
The scene was set (Jerry Springer was on the tele) as we (the ob-gyn students, interns, and residents) watched, for a full hour in awe and horror, this man as he devoured all 8 pieces of GF, it's broth, and topped off with skim milk. Non-chalantly, I might add.
Revolting? Yes.
Disgusting? Absolutely.
Impressive? Without a doubt.
Was it worth the 10 bux? Every sweet cent of it!

So in the immortal words of Wayne Campbell (I believe I can speak for all who witnessed this gastronomical feat): "We're not worthy!"

Yep, just another day at the office ;-)

Song of the day: "Colors" - April Smith and the Great Picture Show

Warmness.

Finally! The sun is shining and our attending let us out early to read 3 enormous articles in the afternoon light. Thanks, boss! 
Decided to rock the shorts and sandals for this fine spring afternoon.
Off to the cafe to get my 4pm fix and it's hittin' the articles, hard. Al fresco style.

Song of the day: "Bang Bang" - Dispatch

Push!!!!

I can honestly say now that I was late for my evening work because I helped delivered a baby.  A slimy, gooey, slippery, bloody, beautiful baby. Mommy barely even pushed and she came out just like that! The resident was barely gloved and I was frantically looking for gloves myself when the baby began crowning. I was supposed to catch the baby, but this one wasn't stopping for anything or anybody.  The whole thing didn't really dawn on me until The mom started delivering the placenta. There was so much goo and blood, I thought it wouldn't stop. But it did.  Mom and baby are fine.  Will check up on them again tomorrow.   

P.S. It's a girl!  Mazel Tov!

Song of the day: "What A Wonderful World" - Louis Armstrong

Off day

I've had bad days, but today, I'm just completely out of it.  I suppose I'm upset at myself for a few reasons. 
1. I completely threw a colleague of mine "under the bus" in front of my attending without even realizing it...basically called him out on a benign faux pas.  I'm not a dick...but on this occasion, I was absolutely not thinking about what I was saying when I mindlessly made a joke about his absence in front of the attending. Bottom line, I did not mean to make him look bad in front of our boss. He called me out and I feel horrible about it.  I apologized, but not quite sure if he accepted.

2. My attending asked me if I had new opinions about the new guidelines pertaining to mammographies and pap smears. And I didn't have one. And for some reason, my not having any opinions about it made me look like I didn't know anything, which makes me feel like shit.  So my indifference towards the subjects made my day more miserable.

To sum up.  I feel guilty and immeasurably stupid.  And I still have a boatload of reading to catch up on.
And I still have to make dinner.
And now thinking about all of this stuff is giving me a headache...which makes me want to punch something or someone...namely myself.

FML.

Song of the day: "Comfortably Numb" - Pink Floyd

weekEND

YAY!  Finished with surgery, at last!!!  Actually to tell the truth, it wasn't all that bad. Aside from all the attitude, I enjoyed it (ok this is starting to sound like my last blog).  So I think I've come to a temporary consensus...since I like both internal medicine and surgery, they will dictate my electives for this year and depending on how my electives pan, I will rank those 2 possibilities accordingly.

On another note, I really hoped that the weekend would have been responsibility-free for me, but unfortunately, it was not.  After I finished the surgery SHELF exam this past Friday, I was inundated by random phone calls from random people telling me that I should finish all sorts or random paperwork needed for all sorts of random happenings (I will be more specific when these "nebulous" random happenings begin to corporialize themselves - I hope that's a word...my spell-checker is telling me otherwise).  So I moseyed on down to the school library and along the way, passed by this girl in my surgery rotation who I have a wicked crush on.  Let me preface by saying that prior to bumping into her, I was chowing down (as is my custom) on a Nature Valley granola bar (the ones with the almonds and peanut butter - so good...).  After exchanging pleasantries and whatnot, we said our goodbyes, she headed back to the hospital, I to my cubicle in the dungeon. So I waved goodbye and in my usual way, finish with a cheery grin. I later find out to my horror, when I visited the bathroom, that a fairly sizable piece of almond skin had secured itself snugly on my front tooth, making me look like one of the inbred characters from Deliverance. "Nice..." I groaned.  Oh well.  Damage done.  Next. 

So after that whole debacle (yes, I removed the almond skin, thank you), I found an empty cubicle and proceeded to the task of busy work.  Then out of nowhere, a strange girl (strange as in "stranger" not strange = weird), said "Hello" to me.  I must admit, I was at a loss until she saw the blank expression on my face and pitied me.  Turned out she is a visiting student who was assigned to my Internal Medicine rotation back in January.  I didn't recognize her because she sat in the back of our mini-lectures and I never really got to talk to her.  Well, after this little encounter, she sure chatted me up some, like I was a long lost friend or something...even gave me a stiff, jovial smack on the shoulder for a random joke I let fly.  It stung like the Dickens, too.  She was nice, but was really up front/mildly aggressive about any topic in our conversation...she even tried to hook me up with her sister who lives in Virginia.  Really didn't know what to make out of it all.  One thing that didn't jive all to well with me, she was wearing a navy blue peacoat, almost the same as the one that the last Ex wore.  But, flashbacks and PTSD aside, I got over it fast and spent the next half hour of our encounter reviewing pediatric Boards questions with her.  The whole situation was weirdly nice.  Then she left to go to a surgery convention happening at our school that same day.  She's cute, but still not my type.

That evening, I told my brother-in-law about the encounter.  He asked if I got her number.  I said no. Then he proceeded to ask me if I was gay (no offense). Again, I said no.  Then he said, "You don't have to always date the perfect chick or a white chick all the time, you know. Just go out and have fun with a girl."
I didn't know how to respond to that one.

Now, I'm an equal-opportunity guy.  It doesn't matter to me what ethnic background you are - if I like you, then I like you.  However, I am known to be very picky about the girls I date (I find it a hell of a lot easier to commiserate with someone who has similar tastes as I do - which, is both a good and a bad thing, especially if you're single).  And unfortunately, there haven't been many Asian (single) women in my previous dating pools, hence the whole thing about dating white women.  And the ones that I developed an eye for have been way too uptight or were/are engaged/married.  And for some reason, they all just can't get past the geek side of me.  I've toned it down some, but I'll be damned if I have to change myself for that nonsense.

And so we come to my present state.  Soon to be 30, single, and in a whole lot of debt.  I disagree with my Bro-in-law about just going out willy-nilly with some woman, because I tried that once and it turned out to be a complete waste of my time and energy, and of course it's not fair to me or to the girl. So I learned from that point on that: I can't compromise (too much) about the aesthetic/idiosyncratic parameters I would like my woman to have; flings and one-night-stands is not what I'm about; I want a relationship based on friendship, passion, and a keen interest for each other; I don't care what color you are, so long as you dig me and I dig you.

Bottom line - I don't want perfect, just the one who's perfect for me.

Song of the day: "Hey Julie" - Fountains of Wayne

The dark side

So I'm coming to the end of my surgery rotation.  Despite the attitude and the crappy work schedule...I did enjoy myself.  Does this mean I like surgery? I'm not sure.  Does this mean that I would forsake my initial idea of going into family medicine and go for a surgical internship? I don't know.  I am absolutely torn and I'm not sure if I even have what it takes get into surgery. I've been toying with the idea for a little over a week now and it hasn't been pretty. Lots of things are jumbled up in my head along with study material for the end-of-rotation exam and it's gotten me in quite an anxious state, that even my teeth today were hurting because they were anxious.
I need guidance.  I need direction.  I need a drink.
Wish me luck on Friday.
Next week, Ob/Gyn. I got my baby-catching glove ready.  Bring it.

Song of the day: "California II" - Mason Jennings