Vacay

5 in the morning and I just woke up. Now that I'm vacationing, I can't even sleep in...stupid internal clock.

Now I'm hungry. I think I'll get me some pecan pie for breakfast.

Today will be a movie day. I get to use my movie gift card and hopefully spend most of the day in the theater...I'm thinking American Treasure: BOS and Sweeney Todd...just haven't been in the mood to see indie flicks lately...either that or I haven't seen any that has grabbed my attention. Damn you, American commercialism. Damn you, TV. J/K.

Now the rents are scurrying upstairs. Getting ready for work. Hmmm. I did that 2 years ago. Now I'm going to school so I can do that some more in the future. Now I'm depressed and hungry.

My Anatomy dissector is lying on the floor, waiting for me to notice it. I must really get some work done before I spend more money on gifts today and be a complete bum. Sad, really...

I changed my mind and picked oatmeal for breakfast instead.

Time off for good behavior

OK! 1st semester is OVER! I am officially 1/8th of a doctor. I'm so happy that I don't have to remediate any of my classes. Did well in some, did adequately on the others, but overall, I made it through and now it's on to the next hoop. That being said, the professors for next semester are clogging my school inbox with suggested reading material. The biggest worry so far is anatomy. We start on the dorsal section and already, the dissection is scheduled the first day we get to class. Nothing like starting the new year with cutting into an ex-person's back. Yum.

For now, I have the apartment to myself. Claudio's back @ Weehawken and I'm still dawdling around here in South Jersey. The solitude is kinda nice, especially if you don't have to study. I've been an absolute slug as of last Friday, after all the exams were taken. Sleep has never been more glorious, after I fixed the heating grate in my room. Now everything is toasty comfy! I have been catching up on a ton of non-medical reading like the last HP book. I bought a couple of DVD's on sale at Amazon and I got a free ticket for "The Golden Compass" which was very cool. Saw it tonight and I was impressed. Now I want to get the books as well. I brought my guitar from home so I've also been rocking out (badly) but that's ok. The neighbors don't mind. The chore of having to clean the apartment has fallen unto me since I was the last person out. And I intend to put it off some more...procrastination is a drug really...

And Christmas approaches. Things are looking light for this season. My work study program that I'm working for (Julia, you'll be happy to know that I am a librarian's assistant) has not paid me yet. BOOO! BOO-ERNS! Needless to say, I have put my shopping list aside. I'm praying my loan check comes soon...Presents will be forthcoming, just a tad late... =)

OK, off to make some food. Ciao.

December, almost.

Can't believe that the months just passed by. Almost done w/ the semester. I didn't do as well as I'd hoped but I didn't completely suck either...not yet, anyway. 2 finals down, 3 more to go. Thanksgiving was a blessing, but it was too short. Looking forward to the winter break and give my broken brain a rest.

What I've learned this year:
-A whole lot of biochem...and I hope it sticks this time, after the endless hours of tortured studying.
-A whole lot of Physio...Must really make an effort to make all of this stick. Why must god make the brain, heart, lungs, kidneys, GI, etc. so complicated?
-A whole lot of OMM...do you HVLA?
-Med School is like a gym. You either love it or you hate it. And you can tone your arms w/ the heavy books you carry all the time.
-Gray's Anatomy is LIES!
-Coffee is a necessary evil.
-Sleep whenever you can. If you're not studying or having sex, or both, then get your ass to bed.
-I need a Mac.
-Girls are still evil.
-I can make sushi.

That's all I got. I gotta study now. Peace.

I'll take the whole week to block

IT IS OVER! Exam block 1 is dun! Yesterday, after biochem (btw, that exam did me dirty, bent me over and just went to town w/out KY), I went to lunch with my Roommate and my brother. It was so nice not having to think about any of my subjects for a while. It made the sushi taste better. Went home, crashed and got up at about 8pm. That was probably one of the most satisfying sleeps I've ever had. After holing myself in the den for about 2 weeks studying everything from histo to biochem, I was finally able to cut my hair and do some actual grooming. I got dressed, put smelly stuff on, then picked up my friends to go to Philly for some well-deserved Hookah and Salsa! Got back @ about 3am, went to the diner for some buffalo wings (so good and so cheap!), then back to the apartment to finish off the night/day with some TMNT action. Sleep was @ 6 in the mo'nin! That's right, we party gangsta style. So for today, relax, do a little food shopping, a little house cleaning, a little laundry, and reset for the next onslaught that is Cardiophysiology. Exam's on October 1st. Bring it...

Coming down to the wire

Took a break from reading (my eyes are really starting to tear) and decided to update this piece.

The first exam block week is coming up and I'm starting to lose sleep. That being said, distractions are flying left and right. Friends from all points of life are coming out of the woodwork and sending me all sorts of invites to parties, swarees, schindigs and whatnot. It seems like they always know just when to needle me.

I'm trying to put the girl situation behind. So far, everything I've done about this issue has been more trouble than its worth. So I'm putting this thing to rest. Let's hope it stays that way because I'm just tired of it all. I was listening to Jeff this evening and he said "Maybe I'm too young to keep good love from going wrong..." Perhaps it's good advice. Perhaps I'm not that prepared for this as originally thought. Blame it on movies, love songs, stupid cheezy commercials...point is, I'm hyperbolizing love and its many affects and that's not good. I'm trying to make my life into a freakin' Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan flick (No offense to you folks of course) and it's just not gonna happen. Time to wake up and smell the instant coffee...

And speaking of coffee, I need a cup, but it's a quarter to 2 in the am already and I must get my shuteye. Big day tomorrow. More Histo on the way. Head in the game, head in the game...

BTW, to those who actually read my poor excuse for a blog, thanks. Just want to let you know that your comments are appreciated big time.

R.I.P., Lolo Fidel (August 8th, 1908 - Sept. 5th, 2007).

I'm sorry I didn't get to see you one last time. I owe everything to you. Thank you. I miss you and I love you.

One month down

Greetings from biochem/physio/histo/OMM/genetics land...

Ok. It's been over a month since I last set finger to keyboard on this biznach. So let me recap what's happened so far...

August was a whirl. Literally. First week of med school was all about being social, i.e. know your classmates and know your upperclassmen, which was great! Lots of parties, food, and new people, seksi people as one of my good buddies would say. It was information overload. But it was fun. After the honeymoon, the real thing begins...classes at 8/9am and it feels like we never get out because it's a constant study thing lest ye be left back. We had our first quizzes in biochem and physio which was ridunculous...they counted as much 20% of our whole grade, so everybody and their mother was scrambling and bogarting every nook and cranny of the library. I finally got fed up and holed up in my living room. Needless to say I passed both quizzes. Used to be that I'd settle for nothing short of an "A." Shows you how much I've changed my standards...it's like what they say here... pass = Doctor. I'll take that to the bank.

Ok, now for the juicy tidbits. Well, it turns out that the girl I liked during the summer was already spoken for...so that was done and over with quickly. Moving on. This time, another girl has made it to my radar and I was locked in like a missile...ok, bad weapon analogy. For a while I thought that I had a good read on her, then all of the sudden, she was beginning to gravitate towards another person I know (let us call him Mr. A). I thought, "no big deal." But now she seems to be more interested in him. And now I'm left twiddling my thumbs...did I miss something here? Here I am trying to build something w/ her and all of the sudden she's going to him. And to top it off, my efforts at getting her attention are going unnoticed (not even a thank you instant message for my good deeds). Perhaps I'm trying too much. Perhaps she's just a thankless person and not at all interested. It would do me a world of good if I could just forget about her and move on, but like Big Pun said "I'm not a player, I just crush a lot." And it's hard to get over this one.

So that's all for now. Sorry about the generalities. Hopefully things turn up and I'll have more interesting stuff to write.

August

Started medical school today. Yesterday was the white coat ceremony and we were ushered into a new life of lengthy and voluminous medical learning. Yayyy! Been waiting for this for a very long time now.

I know, I'm a dork.

Was just in California a week ago. Left after the Prematric program and I must say that I really needed that break. It was just so nice to be doing nothing and not worrying about school things for a while. That and I don't think I've been on a real vacation in a long time. So I drove around all over Southern California, from LA, to Pasadena, to Long Beach, Santa Barbara, and back. Didn't do a lot of touristy stuff. Mostly was just trying to know the local attractions. Went with my cousin, Chris to an Angels game which was absolutely awesome since I've never been to an MLB game in my life (I was hoping that it would've been a Yankees game for my first one, but at this point, I wasn't going to be picky. Plus I got to go for free!) The Angels lost and I was completely thrown by the fact that it's not like TV where you get to hear the commentators over the background. Went to a few wineries but got skunked most of the time cuz I got there past 5pm. I did buy a very tasty chard so it wasn't a complete loss. Spent time with my cousins and other relatives whom I haven't seen in a while. On the way back home, I got laid over in Harrisburg, PA because of bad weather over Philly. It wasn't completely bad tho. I met this very beautiful, very charming girl, Alejandra. We talked and I gave her an empanada because she was starving and the plane wasn't giving us any more sustenance unless we shell out extra money. Then I helped her get a connecting flight to Boston since she missed her other flight. The rub...she's already spoken for. Such is my luck, right? Well, hopefully Karma was watching.

Anyways, I'm back and energized and ready to go. Wish me luck.

It Is Over...for now.

After 5 weeks of intense academic cramming, the prematriculation program is finally over. I did well in some classes. In others, I was rusty, but overall, it was a fulfilling experience and I made many friends. Hopefully by the beginning of the semester, I should be ready.

I have one week's worth of vacation so I'm going to California to visit my cousin and his fiancee in LA. Nothing too fancy, just the tour of the local scene and what not. But more to the point, it's just gonna be nice to be out on vacation for a change. These 5 weeks have been somewhat brutal, especially for me who's been out of the academic game for about 2 years now. My mental muscle is getting a severe workout. But, like I said, it's all about getting the rust and cobwebs out. I'm pretty excited and confident about August, but that's over a week from now. For the time being, I just want to get out of Dodge, forget about the drama and just mellow out...

Snoochie Boochies!

Trudging along

It's almost 3 weeks into the prematric program, but it feels like forever. I'm getting bogged down by stupid details. I need to get my priorities straight. Let us not forget that the main reason why we went to med school was to be a doctor and not to relive college all over again.

A short reprieve yesterday after another grueling week of studying. Dan's pool party was cool. Some of the people from class were there. Claudio and I got lost on the way to the party but we got a good tour of our neighboring towns so it wasn't a complete loss. We found our way eventually and the party resumed with more beers and burgers.

Went home to find that my wall is growing mold. And then it rained hard and more water leaked in from the window frame. Needless to say I barely had any sleep thinking about the stupid problem, which put me in an awful mood today. Called maintenance but they can't do anything until the weather dries up. To top it all off, I think I was passed over for somebody else, can't say anymore without divulging incriminating information. So pretty much an overall crap day. A few redeeming things tho were the anatomy quiz (aced it) and the Transformers movie. Nothing like little distraction to calm the mind...sorta. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

Week 1

Well, so far so good. The first week of the prematriculation class for the class of 2011 is over. I am beat, and I still have several chapters to read. And no, I'm not procrastinating with this blog. For your information, I took a break and decided to work on this entry since I've been away for a while.

So let's see...

Met some of my classmates for the fall in this program and the lot of them are pretty chill. I made a bunch of friends already and they've been very cool and helpful with me during classes. Hung out with a good deal of them At PJ's for dinner and drinks after friday's class. I think, "swell" describes them all to a T.

I met some of my professors as well. Hmmm, what can I say? All of them are good, but some lectures just run a bit too long for my attention span. So far, we've tackled the basics in biochem, physiology, medical terminology, and Osteopathic Manipulative Medicine. For the most part, many of the topics are sort of review for me, but everything seems to be moving at a faster pace now, and expectations are bigger as well. OMM is exciting to say the least. We get to learn how to manipulate people's bodies, crack their joints and diagnose their ailments, all at the same time. That and this course makes for better personal relationships with the rest of your class since you have to practice what you've learned, physically on your classmate. I'm actually looking forward to it, especially when we get to the lumbar portion...my back needs a definite adjustment.

The apartment looks great. Claudio (My roommate) and I are keeping the place well trimmed (Minus the couch, which will come at a later date). It's nice to have a place of my own once again. Still, I miss mom's cooking already. Since Claudio barely knows how to cook, I kinda took over kitchen duty. Eh, honestly, I don't mind it so much...I get to practice what I've learned at the house these past couple of years. It's great cuz after meals, he's the designated dishwasher.

Not much to tell, besides all that. I finish prematric in 4 more weeks and afterwards, it off to the white coat ceremony and then the real fun begins. For now, I'm just keeping my feet wet and making friends.

OK...time to get back to work.

27

Happy birthday to me!

Now that I'm one year older, there are some things I'd like to acknowledge and several persons to thank:

-To my family, immediate and extended...thank you for not being sick or dying, and for getting better if you were sick. And thank you for everything.

-To my friends, old and new...thank you for sticking by me. Also, thank you for calling me out on my many idiocies as well as looking out for me. If I made any mistakes towards you, my apologies. I'll try to make it up somehow.

-To my one and only...Maybe this year, perhaps. Here's to hoping.

-To God...you sure do know how to make things interesting.

_____________________________________________________________________________________


Letsee...Some pseudo-important things (to me at least) that I have accomplished between the age of 26 and 27 (drum roll, please):

1. Got into Med School (Woo Hoo!!).

2. Stayed alive for one more year (nice).

3. Got into better shape - well, I have a two-pack. 4 more and we got ourselves a party! Oh and I can run 7 miles if I really have to.

4. Went on a few dates...albeit none of them panned out. It was some fun, tho =).

5. I learned how to make a website ::raising the dork flag::

6. Managed to build a "modest" library of fictional literature, thanks to the local library and second-hand book stores, which also means that I've read a whole lot this past year (that's saying something for a guy who used to hate books).

7. Broadened my palate for wine.

8. I am more open to country and folk music now. Yeehaw!

9. Somehow, I've managed to put 40,000 miles on my car...and most of the driving was in Jersey...yikes.

10. I finally cleaned my room.

Hmmmm

I suck at witty conversation and funny banter. Can anybody help? I suppose not. Oh well, I suppose I'll just have to work on my body. I sure as hell can't impress anybody with my convo skillz.

Wine makes me stupid, but I figure, if everybody else is drinking as fast as I am, then it won't seem that bad, provided I don't remember what happened.

DRINK MERLOT!!!

Pizza is better with friends, especially with good friends.

Christmas in June is always a sure fire way to make me happy. That, and the Yankees winning.

Take lots of pictures. It makes for a wonderful evening!

Jersey Shore bar etiquette

In no particular order:

10. My name is NOT Rolex. I hate it when you think I'm the designated time keeper. It is quite annoying when you pick me out of a crowd to ALWAYS give you the time of day. This may sound a bit childish but, I think it's time you asked somebody else.

9. Please do not force your small talk on me. I understand that it is an awkward situation, being in a place where there are lots of strangers, but don't make it any worse by melting my brain with your idiotic prattle. If you really want to talk, fine, but you better have ammunition. Don't ask me about the weather, time, or whatever happened to that guy in high school that you had a crush on. I don't care.

8. I don't need help getting drunk. I know how to do it, and I can do it pretty well. Don't force me to chug my beer or buy another shot. They're expensive enough as it is. I know my limit and if I say no on the drinks, that usually means that we must stop for the time being...unless you want an ugly, smelly, messy scene where I violently puke on you and your girlfriend.

7. No drama in the bar! Put the white trash attitude and dirty laundry away. No need to be showing any of that in public. That's what "Cops" and "Jerry Springer" are for.

6. Don't insult the DD. They're there to save your ass.

5. Don't lecture me on what drink to get. As far as I'm concerned, the "cheap" stuff is just as liable to get me drunk as your imported swill. I don't need pretentious pricks who don't know shit from shinola telling me that their vodka is better than mine. Like you can really tell the difference.

4. IF YOU'RE SICK, STAY THE FUCK HOME!!! I DON'T WANT TO DIE LIKE YOU!!

3. Respect the bathroom line! Not obeying this most important queue may be grounds for kicking your ass.

2. Know your place in the bar. Wait for your server, know your drink, tip them well, and don't cut the line. Failure to comply is also grounds for kicking your ass.

1. If you'll be my friend, I'll be yours. Show some love.

Back on track!

Finally, after about 4 weeks of allergy symptoms and back problems, I was able to make it back to the gym today. I ran 3 miles and got back into lifting. Did my bicep and back routine without any complications. The only sad thing about this is I will be terminating my gym membership in June 1st. Ces't la vie. On the bright side of things, I won't have to cough up $40 every month for membership fees. I didn't gain much weight so that's good, although I may have lost some muscle mass. Let's hope the gym at school can help me out with that.

Met a guy at the gym today who ran 4 miles on the treadmill with a sweatshirt on and a speed setting of 8 (that's plenty fast). He said he was training for the NYC marathon. I was awed by this as well as envious that I couldn't do what he did or will be doing. He told me tho to just keep running. Best thing I've heard all day and damn good words to live by.

Yet another reason to hate the allergy season

As if I'm not miserable enough, I find another way to make myself feel worse.
I hurt my back.
How, you ask?
Not from lifting heavy patients.
Not from pushing beds or shelving boxes.
Not from moving my furniture or doing manual labor.
Not even from working out.

I sneezed.
I was getting my breakfast when I sneezed, and then my back went out.
I wish there was some other manly story that would justify this injury, but no.
So for the rest of the day, I was walking around like a bent, old fart, shuffling from one side of the room to the other, holding my back and grimacing with every move that required me to sit, stand, bend, or twist. If this is what we have to look forward to when we hit retirement, I say, let me die quickly the day before and no later.

If I ever find out that someone was using a voodoo doll on me...they can be sure that I will come down upon them with the wrath of Jack Bauer (because God is on Jack's side).

Ah, May. Choke.

Never attempt to run while your allergies are flaring. You'd think that I'd be smarter than to try this ridiculously dumb feat, but, never underestimate the power of stoopid, especially this one. I thought..."eh, 3 miles, can't be that long." A little after 2 miles later, I was sucking air and sounding like a broken accordion. Good thing I got my wind back after some time and was able to finish what's left of my pathetic attempt at a workout. I did my back routine, so it was ok. But still, after 2 weeks of long driving, moving in to my new apartment, house shopping, work, and just simply trying to avoid a considerable exposure to pollen and dust, I've been held back from the gym and I'm absolutely feeling like crap.

My nose makes a squeeky noise when I breathe in.

Since I can't fall asleep, I write to you instead, with one working nostril...make that one working and one leaking. It is warm in my room and I don't have a fan. I can't open my window since it would mean the death of me...so I am tired, uncomfortably warm, gross, and sweaty.

May = Misery. Snot-filled misery.

Curse you, Dreamweaver!!!

After hours of staring at the computer screen and trying numerous attempts at getting my friend's website to work, (I'm sorry, Kev, I tried...) I accepted defeat. It is 2 in the morning and I am a sad, sad state of a boy with tears pouring out of my eyes and mucus running down my nose...partly because I failed, but mostly because I have succumbed to another allergy attack. I am tired and I can hardly breathe. I will try again in a few hours after a much needed nap, but I can't make promises. Learning how to be a web designer without professional tutelage does present a steep learning curve...and as usual, my brother refuses to help. Why does he feel the need to lord his skills over me when I need his expertise? Bastard...

Stranger in a strange land

Today, I just secured an apartment in South Jersey with my good buddy and future roommate, the right, noble Claudio. Felt excited at the prospect of moving into my own place, but queezy all the same since it marks the beginning of my being grossly indebted to the federal and state government. Ahhh, the price of becoming a physician, I suppose.

On a brighter note, I start school this coming June. I never thought, in all my years, that I would welcome the prospect of going back to class...5 days a week for 5 weeks, 8 hours each day, in the middle of summer no less!!! It feels like starting college all over again. Either that or my allergies have gone straight to my brain.

And then, it rained. Pooh.

Garden State

It dawns on me tonight that perhaps sometime in the future, I might move out of New Jersey and put down roots somewhere else. That's not to say that I don't like Jersey, in fact I enjoy living here (save for the high car insurance rates and property taxes...but let's face it, what state doesn't have its cruddy underbelly?). It gets hot in the summer, but nothing compared to the south or the west, it gets cold in the winter, but it ain't like freezing in New England or Northwest, and let's face it, our natural disasters don't compare to all the other states out there. In fact, New Jersey is a very pleasant place to live in, meteorologically speaking. But it's a whole 'nother thing living somewhere else...a new experience. So, in the interest of potentially pursuing the adventure of living in another state, I've compiled a "loose" list of things I'd want to do while I'm still in the borders of the Garden State:

1. Hit up every diner from Cape May all the way to High Point. This is probably the best way to get to know the state I'm living in right now. I had fond memories of the diners around our local town here. I'm pretty sure that all the other diners in the other towns carry with them the same charm that makes them unique. That and I want to know who makes the best greek salad and pastrami omellete in NJ.

2. Follow the wine trails. Many people probably don't know that NJ boasts a strong standard in terms of making wine. Right now, there are about 30 or so wineries all over the state and many of them make excellent wines as well as fruit wines. That's right, we take our own fruit produce and make them into vino, and if you've never heard of it, or think it hoaky...wait until you try the almondberry or the blackberry currant wines these wineries have in stock.

3. Walk the Appalachian Trail. Yep, NJ also is part of this prestigious trail and there's a nice span of it along the northern part of the state which leads towards Delaware (I think). Anyways, I've never really gone hiking before and what better way to get right into it than by going down this road?

4. Fishing the hotspots. I've only gone fishing twice. The first was in South Jersey by the Cohansee River where I caught a 21 inch striped bass (no lie!) among MANY other fish (yea, fishing was good in those areas - Many thanks to Mr. Piontkowski for taking me out on his pontoon at 5 in the morning.) and the second was in California (where I got skunked in a man-made lake seeded with catfish and trout). Somehow I'll take my chances along with my bait and tackle and check out the different state parks that offer fishing around here.

5. Book and music hunting. Probably there are many other places out of NJ where this activity might be more fruitful, but there's a lot to be said about the mom and pop used bookstores and music shops all over NJ. Case in point,The Montclair Book Center and The Princeton Record Exchange, to name a few that I've visited before. Both areas are teeming with awsome finds. I could easily lose all my money in these two shops alone. I'm sure there are others that are just as cool.

6. Spending time at the beach. There's still a lot to be said about the Jersey Coast. No, not the Seaside, MTV type of beach (ugh)! More along the lines of Cape May, Sea Isle City, Wildwood, LBI, Point Pleasant, Belmar, Sandy Hook, etc.

7. Hitting the farm. NJ isn't called the Garden State for nothing. There's plenty of fruit to be picked from the summer with it's peaches and strawberries to the fall with its apples and pumpkins (I'm a sucker for fresh fruit)

8. Driving through the highways. I'd like to think that someday, I could be placed in any road in NJ, blindfolded and know my way around well enough.

9. Go sky diving. It's not really related to NJ, but I still want to do it!

10. Check out the top 10 sites featured in Weird New Jersey. Need I say more?

That's a pretty hefty list. I guess I better get started.

Dreams are...

Today was orientation day, Friday the 13th, @ UMDNJ-SOM. It was quite fun and informative. I'd never think that I would ever be excited to go back to school, but I am. I've been looking forward to it for so long now...it's getting nuts. Anyways, I found out that they're holding prep classes for this upcoming semester in June and I want to attend so as I can get back into the academic swing of things, so Claudio (my roomie) and I need to find a place in the area, pronto. I'm sure going to miss the money I'm making now at work, but hopefully, the loan money would be enough to carry me over.

There are so many nice people at school. So nice that they made my face hurt from smiling all day. June Can't come here fast enough.

On a down note, I got home and decided to take a nap before going to the gym. When I woke up, it was 8:30pm already. So much for working on my fitness. I had a funky dream too, where I was parallel parking my car on a street, on a hill, intersecting another busy street. Lo and behold, I lost control of my car and got hit by another vehicle coming from the street perpendicular to mine, spun me sideways, and rammed me onto another car. By this point, I was freaking out, thinking that it was my fault, that I wouldn't be able to pay for the damages, that I wouldn't have enough money to pay for med school and such. I was on the verge of tears, then my brother and Stitch (my black dog) walk into my room and woke me up just in time for dinner. I was in bed for another 5 minutes trying to convince myself that it wasn't real.

I'm starting to get uber paranoid. So close and yet so far away.

Reaction

It's hard to comment on the subject of love, especially coming from one who is not as well-versed as others. It's very difficult for me to quantify my own experience, knowing that the influence of popular culture and pretenses on the subject have greatly influenced my view of it as far as I can recall. From what I can gather in my own accounts (despite being few and far between), the idea of love to me is as elusive as the mountain mist...visible, tangible, yet fleeting, burning away in the light of day. The times I thought I was in love only brought eventual heartache, disappointment, disillusionment. The thought of having one true love is also disconcerting because of my capacity to "move on" and thus finding a new love if you can call it that. I'm not quite sure whether that trait describes my ability to be emotionally resilient to romantic misfortune or perhaps a testament to my inconstant nature, my irreverence for such a noble emotion. Then again, I could be just as confused about all this now as I was back when I was 16...love or lust? Where does infatuation end and love begin?

I fear that with this examination, I may have grown mistrustful. You grow to like someone and they seem good enough to gain your trust, but they let you down the minute you lower your guard. I understand people aren't perfect and that promises do get broken, but what I don't comprehend is why people choose not to mend more often than not. Case in point, the high number of ballads about broken hearts only to be topped by the divorce rate in this country. Are relationships that disposable? I suppose it's cheaper to start a new fling than to patch up a broken bond.

Was it wrong for man to bind himself to woman "forever, till death do they part?" Is marriage really such an antiquated and impractical tradition for this day and age, especially when one can easily meet somebody new, somebody more interesting/attractive/etc. at a click of a mouse?

People change like the weather (present company included), so bring an umbrella. And be wary of love songs.

To boldly go...well, well you know the rest.

Been feeling much better, but have been rather anxious these past couple of weeks. Seems like everyone I know is on some sort of vacation or something except me. I've been cooped up in a hospital, working for the past couple of weeks after getting over a god-awful cold/flu.
So to pass the time, I've been borrowing "Enterprise" DVD's from the library and have been thoroughly immersing myself in them. Quite entertaining but it kinda sucks since everytime I look outside the window, the light becomes more faint...I think I'm spending way too much time inside.
I'm bored. Where's everybody?

Falling Apart

This past December, I had a cold. It was pretty bad, but I got through it, and probably got other people at work sick as well (way to spread the love). This January, I had another bout of cold, but it lasted for about 2 days. Hurray for the immune system. This past Thursday, I had a sore throat that eventually felt like a cold, what with all the aches and pains and headaches and stuff it brought along. Then just when I thought I was getting over that, the weekend brought in a scratchy throat, sneezing, dry coughing, and stuffy nose. Dry air or allergies? Ugh.
I'm falling apart at the seams.
Pity me.
::cough, cough::

My Masochistic Valentine

So I haven't been to the dentist for over a year now, not because I choose not to go, even tho everybody knows exactly how much I enjoy going to the dentist, but because for a while, I didn't have health insurance. When I did, however (thank you SBHCS), I kinda forgot about going. Silly me. Fast forward to last week. I make an appointment to go see Dr. T., my wonderful teeth specialist. Wouldn't ya know it, the earliest appointment I could get was none other than Feb. 14, valentines day. Not that I had big plans, mind you, but still, going to the dentist on such a day somehow does not make for a very wonderful hallmark memory. So, this morning, I trudged out to the driveway, and for 15 minutes, proceeded to scrape, chisel, and thaw my frozen car out of this miserable arctic blast. When I finally left, I realized that I was late for my appointment. Super. Having forgotten my cell, I could not phone the office to tell them I was running behind. I certainly wasn't planning on speeding, although I was quite tempted, despite the slick road conditions. I figured, no dentist's appointment is worth getting my ass in a wreck. Sure enough, I pass by 3 accidents on the way. 2 spinouts and one pickup that lost control and ran straight into the woods. Hopefully everyone involved was ok.

The dentist's office. Luckily, the 10am spot cancelled so I was ok. Dr. T. did his usual schtick, cleaning, x rays, flossing and prodding (dear God, the prodding). I so hate that torture device that more or less resembles a hook/pick on a handle...you know, the one they use to scrape out your gumline (or right below it) and poke right through in between the spaces of your teeth, yea that one. It was enough to make my ass pucker. As if that wasn't enough, Dr. T tells me that I have a cavity brewing in my lower right molar, the very last one. Marvelous. And here I thought it was just going to be another routine visit. So I decided to consolidate all of my woes and have the repair work over and done with. Two novacaine shots to the jaw later and the right side of my face felt like Rocky after 14 rounds with Ivan Drago. Then the drill starts. Black chunks of old filling fly all over the inside of my mouth (lucky that the suction was going) and just when I thought the worst was over, the pain hits me. I thought "wait a minute...I just played the part of the pin cushion so that I'd spare myself the trauma, but still, that drill is doing a world of hurt! What the fuck?!" (Now try saying that with a vacuum in your mouth). I raise my hand, and the doctor says, "oh, that part of the mouth is always hard to numb just because the teeth are the thickest and are set deeper in the jaw. But don't worry, the drilling is almost over." For the next 2 minutes, I was seeing this nauseating color of orange as the bone-jarring pain lingered...the funny thing was, however, I was beginning to tolerate it. Who knew that I'd put up with pain similar to the one caused by chewing tin foil, but more painful. Feeling a might disturbed I asked myself: "Am I liking this? was I a closet masochist?" That scene was starting to come out straight from Little Shop of Horrors without the singing. I was quite surprised that my pain threshold was higher than I thought. It almost became a challenge, actually. I started thinking I was Bond being tortured, but sadly, I couldn't come up with any brilliant one-liner comebacks. Nor did I look like the part as I sadly drooled and swished the nasty chunks out of my mouth.

Then I snapped out of that weird-ass twilight zone by Celine Dion's "My heart will go on" being piped through the speakers. Merci bou coup, Celine. With the new filling all finished, I left the office with a clean bill of dental health, a floppy cheek and lower lip, and probably a sizable copay.

Moral of the story: Valentines Day sucks. Keep the roses, throw away the chocolate and brush your teeth.

P.S. My dog threw up on my bed.

Running behind

I feel that everything around me is moving at a much faster rate. Maybe the earth's solar rotation is increasing in velocity or maybe I'm just getting bogged down more and more by certain things that I have become slow. A few years ago, my father asked me about marriage. I told him that I might not even be ready for a while. I was 22 back then. Four years later, here I am contemplating the fact that my father started a family when he was 25, leaving me wondering if I'll ever be ready. I suppose not, considering my personal track record. Past relationships were all too short, too few and far between. The few that stand out the most have left their battle scars, enough to make me skiddish about the idea of love. I think I'm completely over one thing then I find out that I'm not. Not entirely, but just enough to keep me awake at night. It feels like all my other friends, my past loves have moved on with their lives, have reached new levels in their careers or relationships...getting promoted, engaged, married, getting pregnant. And here I am, slowly bringing up the rear.
I'm happy and grateful about my acceptance into med school, but I wish I was already in and doing work just so I can say that I'm on my way, that I too, have moved on and maybe even gained some speed. Perhaps I'm overreacting and I may just need a little sleep.