Progress note

November came and went like a blur. Time tends to slip away when you start to develop a rhythm. Wake, Work, Eat, Work, Home, Eat, Sleep (somewhere in the middle, you fit in studying and all the other details), Repeat.

This year is almost over, once again. Will it be completely over come Dec 21, 2012? Or did the Mayans miscalculate? Eitherway, it's not like I'd do anything special...well, things might change (as they always do, like plans for new year's celebrations and whatnot).

What do I want for next year? To be smarter, more prepared for scary things at work. To be more confident with my decisions, my actions, myself. To clean the whole house of clutter. To actually record that song. To make it to the gym...more than once. To have a working oven. To finish reading a book of many that has been gathering dust. To learn how to fly fish.

I think I can. I know I can.
We'll see =)...

Song of the day: "O Sleep" - Lisa Hannigan featuring Ray LaMontagne

post call post

Hi. It's me. It's been a year. Or so. A lot has happened. Some good, some bad. But, I'm still ticking and taking my lickins'. How have you been?
Moved to PA, settled down, doing the residency thing.
Had many good and bad days in the hospital. Had many kids get better under my watch. And watched other kids die because there was just nothing more that could be done (not by me or by any other more competent physician).
I went out with a lovely girl, but like so many things in life, we didn't work out. But we did have good times together and happily we're still talking and good. So if you read this, my dear, I hope you're doing well and getting enough sleep and water. And don't sweat the small stuff, like your road rash =). I'll be around, and you'll see me once in a while. Thank you for the talks, even when I'm half comatose.
I feel like I'm a little smarter and a whole lot dumber with so many tiny things that may or may not count in the long run.
My living room needs cleaning. Any volunteers?
I'm playing my ukulele more. This was my therapy for the bad days. Now I'm ready for a major upgrade (mya-moe ukulele). Been saving up for a beauty. Hopefully soon.
Mowed my lawn on a Friday and now it needs a proper raking...the grass was just ridiculously tall. So that will be my workout for tomorrow.
I'm 1 year older than last year. I saw some old lovers that have moved on and married. Part of me wants to go all "Graduate" on their wedding. I bought them a wedding present instead. I was on a 24-hour call so I missed the event anyways.
I bought a kayak. I use it to go fishing. Tis a good kayak. Bass fishing this summer has been crap. But it did get me out in the sun and water. And that was good.
I'm still struggling with procrastination. Let's face it. I'm lazy.
I still don't know what to do when I grow up.

Song of the day: "Sigh No More" - Mumford and Sons

First Weekday of Med School Freedom

05/09: And I spent it working on my loan repayment situation/apartment hunting.
It was quite depressing. The loan repayment situation, not so much the apartment hunting.
So far, I have organized my loans into groups according to which entities I will be making my payments to. OK, 3 so far. Not too bad. Now, comes the tricky part: which payment options to choose. Right now, I'm trying to figure out what my new cost of living will be in my new place of residence. More stuff to follow tomorrow.
Apartment hunting is going. The one apartment that I wanted, a school building rebuilt into a 2-bedroom, 2-bathroom, new kitchen with brand new appliances (dishwasher, range, microwave, fridge), washer/dryer, with hardwood/tile flooring and really good natural lighting (open floor layout with lots of windows) is $1200. Unfortunately its not in my price range. Will be looking at much more approachable living accommodations on Wednesday.

05/13: Wednesday has come and gone. And sad to say, the other places still didn't pan out. It's either too expensive or the move-in date is too late. I fear, I may have waited too long and all the good places are rented. Still, I remain hopeful. I'll try again next Monday.
In other news, I floated the idea of doing a Tough Mudder event to my girlfriend earlier this afternoon. A few minutes ago, she told me that she has a tentative team ready and would undertake the next year to train for the August event in her neck of the woods. To make things more interesting, she "invited" or rather "challenged" me to join her team. I admit I am very intrigued at the prospect of training and getting fit for such an awesome obstacle course, but it is not without some doubt that I made my mind about it.
So here's to me and my big, fat mouth. :)
Hey, I got through med school...what's a little 12-mile run with 16 obstacles, right? Right???

Song of the day: "Serpentine" - Chris Bathgate

It never fails...

Just when I think I'm having a good day, something always pops up to check me. Case in point, my last interview. The day went on smoothly, and I had a wonderful chat with my interviewer. By the end of it all, she gave me a very good recommendation. I thought, "sweet!"
After the interview, I hightail it to S.J. to get to my other doctor's appointment. I'm going an easy 80 on the Parkway (the same speed as everybody else, mind you), when Mr. State Trooper pulls me over for speeding. Granted, he's just doing his job, but seriously, there were like, 20 other cars going the same speed as me, if not faster! Regardless, I got a $56 ticket (no points, thank you Jesus!) and to top it all off, my car battery dies (I left the hazards and the radio on too long, I guess). Good thing I had my brand spankin' new automatic jump starter handy. It didn't work at first try, but a few adjustments of the clips and my car was back to life.
I made it to my appointment on time, only to find that my doctor is still clueless about my condition. So, she biopsied a piece of my skin (ouch!) and sent me for more blood tests. Lovely.
In summary:
Good = interview
Bad = speeding ticket, dying car battery (I have to buy a new one, BTW), still unknown malady. There are definitely more things to bitch about, but I figure, I should just limit it to the events of the day. Can't be too gloomy, right? Right!

In spite of all that, the interview I think made up for all of this other nonsense. I suppose we'll know in a few months.

Oh, just an update...I passed the 2nd part of my Boards as well as the PE portion! Woo hoo!! No more big exams until next year! Hahhhhhh...that's me breathing a brief sigh of relief...for now.

Song of the day: "Bug In A Web" - CALLmeKAT

Something

2 generalities I stumbled upon tonight that might be important for the rest of the male single persuasion:
1. It pays to be the guy who knows how to fix things.
2. Being funny goes a long way.

Song of the day: "Tonight I Can Write..." - Andy Garcia reading a poem by Pablo Neruda (From the movie "Il Postino")

The travails of a poor med student.

Today, I took my car in for a checkup. It's making funny noises, like a helicopter prop, especially when it hits 50+ mph and up. I thought it was the tires. I take it to the dealer and the mechanic figures that my tires need rotating..."simple, cheap fix" is what he says.
An hour later, he tells me, my right-sided tires (front and back) have nails in them, the back right tire is losing pressure because of an old tire patch that was placed there is no longer holding up, and that both tires are thinning on tread. He suggests new tires. Suddenly, my $24 fix has jumped up to $290. What am I gonna do? I came in to get my baby fixed and so, I must pay the price. Another hour and $290 later, the mechanic hands me my keys. So I go home. Not 5 minutes after I got on the highway, the damn noise starts again. Same noise. So now, I'm almost $300 poorer and nowhere near fixing my poor car. And I have to be on the road to Massachusetts by Saturday. Needless to say, I called the dealer back and complained. They said to bring the car in early in the morning tomorrow for a full checkup. I have a feeling that this time, the fix is gonna cost me more than $300. Lovely.
To make things worse, my Financial Aid Office just sent an email about a new tuition increase. Now, I have to pay $1161.50 more by the end of August. Where am I to get that scratch, you ask? No choice but to increase my loan. Again. What's a few thousand more in the grand scheme of things? I'm already 150K+ in the hole. FML.

Song of the day: "Numbers Don't Lie" - The Mynabirds

Interview

For the curious...in reference to my last post.

1. Author: Paulo Coelho - "The Alchemist." Musician: Jeff Buckley - "Lover, You Should've Come Over."

2. Lock Picking. I think that would be a really cool skill to own ::sly grin::

3. Two sugars. I used to take it black, but I needed to cut the bitter with a little sweet. Kinda like life.

4. The Heimlich, proper CPR, how to use chopsticks, knitting, how to skip stones, changing a tire, opening a beer bottle with a lighter...

5. Marlon Brando, the younger version of him. Just check out his delivery of this Shakespeare monologue and you'll know why he's in my head.

6.  Yes, I do believe in destiny, but more importantly, I believe that the path we take and not our destination is what makes our life in this earth, special.

7. I think I was a grizzly bear, hunting wild salmon in the rivers of the great northwest United States in a former life.

8. Formaldehyde, more specifically, the smell of our anatomy lab.  No matter how many layers of gloves you wear, it still gets to your fingernails, hair, scrubs...just gross.  On the flip side, firewood burning during a crisp winter evening...there's nothing like it.

9. Ploosh (n.) - state of confusion or disorientation specifically caused by an overload of information, followed by difficult questioning.  Ex. Medical students rarely raise their hands after nephrology lecture because they are in ploosh.
 
10. 12:34am...I'm either super tired or extremely energetic.

11. CYRANO DE BERGERAC - technically, he did exist in real life, but the character in Rostand's play is much more interesting.  Poet, musician, philosopher, soldier, duelist, physicist, comedian, and true blue romantic.  He certainly tried to accomplish what he set out to do: excel in everything.

12. My inability to rein in my geekish sensibilities.

13. Never really had one.  I suppose I should start.  I would like to cross out this one in particular: travel ALL the States in the Union by eating my way through them or at least visiting all their famous national parks.

14. I'm currently writing my personal statement for my residency application.  EPIC FAIL.

15. Me, flying/hovering over white sand dunes.  Pretty much that's all there is to it.  It's fun tho, getting the sensation that I'm flying, especially if I'm having a vivid dream.

16. I answered this one before, but I do have others in mind: A Zebra F-301 pen is also a very good choice.  I like the weight of the pen and the thinness of the stroke.

17. Midnight picnic @ the beach a week before Memorial Day, when there were few people around.  A new moon was out, a bottle of red was at hand and bag full of fresh, sweet cherries was the main course.  We sat on the sand, dug in and buried our feet, and proceeded to have a cherry pit-spitting contest.  I fell in love that night.

18. See the answer to question 11.  Either him or Yoda.  I'd like to think that in some ways, I'm slowly figuring out how to be more like them...except for the using-the-force thingy.  That part, I can't seem to ever get the hang of.
 
19. "He loved and was loved in return."

20. My last meal...I really don't want a last meal but the whole course from breakfast to dinner and dessert.
Breakfast: 2 eggs over medium, kalo kalo (garlic fried rice), longanisa +/- daing (dried, salted fish) and strong coffee.
Lunch: White rice, Fried Tilapia with soy sauce (or almost any fish for this matter) and Apan-Apan.  Semi-ripe indian mangoes with sauteed shrimp paste as an appetizer.
Afternoon snack: Fruit (Lansones, Santol, Serguilas, mainly asian fruits).
Dinner: Grilled pork or a very large aged kobe beef steak, A1 steak sauce, sweet potato fries (or potato pancakes from the Nevada Diner) and a Sam Adams.
Dessert: rocky road ice cream over pecan pie (I can settle for vanilla).

What can I say? I'm a glutton.

Song of the day: "I Don't Know" - Lisa Hannigan

BTW, check the link I placed in Lisa Hannigan's name. It's the official video of this song and it is very cool.

What I saw today...

1. Me, being a pig in the diner @ 10am, housing down 6 thick pieces of french toast, 2 eggs over medium, and 5 pieces of bacon. I had to celebrate my good fortune of being let out early from AM class ;-)

2. A gargantuan 18-wheeler making a freakin' wide-ass turn onto mid-day traffic, skirting the middle-line divider of a 2 way street, and barely missing my poor, diminutive Honda by a hair with its over-sized chromed fender. Everything was in slo-mo.

3. A heart-broken mother, weeping for her unborn child who is dying inside her, knowing that no medical intervention can save it.

4. A cloudless, sunny afternoon with bursting cherry blossoms waving in the cool breeze.

5. A school library, nearly empty for the holidays, and me getting first pick @ all the empty cubicles! (I'm easy to please)

6. A close friend, visiting, saying good-bye and borrowing a pair of scrubs he'll need for his "medical mission" to Jamaica.

7. A Mel Brooks movie marathon on AMC! SEDAGIVE???

8. A "first look" of a movie I might catch tomorrow after work.

9. Mangoes in the fridge!

10. My bed. (I missed you!)

Some happy, some sad, some scary, some funny, but all in all, a good day.

How was yours?

Song of the day: "Heavenly Day" - Patty Griffin

To sleep, perchance...

Last night, I dreamed that Paris and LA (Marina del Rey) were sandwiched together. It was 3 in the morning and I was on a wooden bridge overlooking one of the canals. In the distance, a few lamp lights were still burning in the windows. Who knows why those sleepless ones were awake. Perhaps we were sharing the same dream together and they were looking back at me. The night sky was littered with stars and the summer moon made the bay waters shimmer with every rhythm of ebb and flow. I had an overwhelming sense of nostalgia as I stood there on the bridge and took the scene in. Warmly and sweetly, the pacific breeze carried the scent of eucalyptus leaves and rain on its back and I was hypnotized.
I wasn't alone. A girl tapped me on the shoulder and brought me back from my deep musing. It was Rachael Yamagata, and she looked sad. She said "I think you need this more than I do" and she motioned to hang something on my head as if placing a hat or a crown. There was nothing there, but somehow, whatever she placed on my head made me feel lighter, as if more at ease. Then she asked me, "Now that you feel better, can you do something about the music?"
"It's depressing, I know," I said sheepishly. I ran to my bookbag on the bench and fished out a yellow plastic bag filled with CDs. I took out a John Coltrane album and gave it to her.
"Much better." She replied, then kindly smiled and kissed me on the forehead. I went to the CD player and stopped the sad-playing song. Hers.

Then my alarm startled the crap out of me and I almost fell out of bed.

Song of the day: "Elephants" - Rachael Yamagata

Wash, Rinse, Repeat

Ok, so this blog, so far has been my sounding board, more or less, for the trials and tribulations of the surreal (and I use the term very loosely) ride that is med school. In it, you will find my slip-shod attempt at chronicling almost all of bruhaha that goes on in my life amidst countless hours of medical minutiae, wrapped in a pretty $150K+ student loan bow. A good deal of it is bitching...and I feel pretty bad about it, despite this being my own blog. I wish I was a little more cheerful or witty when it came to matters of electronic journaling. I won't try it now, but I can at least make this one entry lean more towards the positive side.

It's been 3 years since I started the Manifesto and I feel that I need to highlight the good things that I have been a part of and experienced this whole time as opposed to dwelling some more on the countless crap that has piled high in my life. Here goes...

- I got into med school (it took me 3 years to get in, and it has taken 3 more for me to get scared shitless about the fact that I will be responsible for a stranger's health in a few months' time from now). YAY!

- I made it to 3rd year so far. OK...

- I made more friends. Always a plus.

- I learned who my real friends are.

- I've discovered many ways to remember the TCA cycle and even more ways to forget it.

- I got into (and out of) a relationship that made me realize that being single isn't so bad at all.

- I learned how to make peach cobbler.

- I got better at playing guitar (and ukelele)!

- I learned how to roll drum cigarettes.

- I stopped smoking.

- I have agreed to disagree with vodka because in a streetfight, vodka IS the street.

- I learned that I suck at public speaking. And that's ok.

- I realized the importance of owning my own domicile in the future.

- I learned the power of saying "I don't know."

- I learned that I look better bald.

- I got glasses (now I can work the Clark Kent angle)!

- I can do OMM now!

- I have memorized 4 Shakespeare soliloquies this past year (2 - Julius Ceasar, 1 - Richard III, 1 - Hamlet).

- I've learned to take things as they come, and with a grain of salt (lots of salt...and tequila).


And there you have it, mas o menos. I'm sure there are other quirky details that I have omitted...they will surface somehow, in time. Before the new year dawns on us, I figured I aught to do a little life accounting just to get the good vibes going for 2010. As always, I can only hope that whatever good comes my way, may it always outweigh the bad. And whatever mistakes I make, that I seriously learn from them, because I hate going through the same stupid shit more than twice.

Song of the day: "Heartbeat Radio" - Sondre Lerche

The drive home

I always enjoy the long drive, especially when it's a quiet, moonlit night. Leaving my parents' house to go back home, lots of things come to mind in the peace of my car's cabin. I open the sun roof and let the steely moonbeams flood in. It had just rained and the clouds are lazily drifting apart, letting the moon come up. The weather's cooled down, especially in this time of night, after the rain. There's plenty of haze coming off of the land and the asphalt, as the late showers and the night's dew draw out the day's heat in the eerie form of mist and shadow.

I think it's times like this that would actually make for a pretty good ghost hunt. The mind is more susceptible to the supernatural when the setting is right...the bright moon, the cool, wet temperature, the mystery of the fog - the vehicle of spirits who laid asleep in the earth. Remnants of their ghosty limbs cling to the pinions of supernatural smoke and cloud, giving them a fleeting form in the moonlight. They come up to haunt, but not to scare...

I think ghosts are leftover potential energy that are caught up in this state of existence. My sense is that, these spirits, these souls, are still here because they had not fulfilled what it was they needed to do while they were still alive. Consider, if you will, life as we know it, as a series of events that are somehow intricately interweaved, interconnected...then each connection that is made is driven by forces that govern the units which articulate in order to make said connection. The soul is that force that drives the unit, the body, to articulate and make the connection, which drives this process known as life forward, like an automaton brought to life by electricity, magnetism, heat, light, energy, coursing through its wires and circuits. But the system is not completely hardy. There are unaccounted variables that come into play and despite all of life's efforts to make all its connections, some units tend to break down. People die, by all sorts of means, some never get to do what it was they were meant to do. However, like any good system, a backup, a redundancy, a failsafe device is always built in to preserve the system should a catastrophic event occur...in this case, influence.

What do I mean? People say they've seen ghosts or spirits. Other people believe that they can commune with the dead. Still others feel the presence of the dead and continually believe in the afterlife. For whatever reason, the dead, even after they have decomposed, still influence us. And I believe that, despite their lack of physicality, they make up for it in energy, and they move us like a magnet moves iron filings through a piece of paper. I do not know if there is a consciousness to this effect, but if there is, then it must do so for the reason of preserving the continuity that is life, like any substance that exists in a medium, it must move down a concentration gradient until equilibrium or dynamic flow is achieved.

And so, the dead, the spirits, the souls of others influence the living, to make the connections that they have failed to accomplish when they were still whole. Perhaps the things they were supposed to do are maybe the same things we are meant to do now in our lifetime. Perhaps they influence us because they are connected to us by the job, the thing that needs doing. Perhaps their energy becomes our force, their memory becomes our thought...stored inside our unconsciousness like a capacitor building up the charge, then released in a giant flash of brilliant light.

Convoluted, confusing, but fun stuff for the drive home. And it was a nice night for a drive.

Song of the day: "Tonight, You Belong To Me"
- Steve Martin and Bernadette Peters

Blogetty blah blah

Did most of my studying for today. Got a number of test questions done as well. The big one is less than 2 weeks. EEK. I'm still wired. Really have nothing much to say except for a few splintered fragments of thought that just flitted into view. To enumerate:

1. My birthday roadtrip will be delayed. Certain unavoidable and pressing duties that require my undivided attention have come up. And I must attend to them prior to my vacation. Once again...joy, deferred.

2. I find that my ability to be a "good Samaritan" is getting blunted. Is it me? Have I become so self-centered and jaded that I can't even offer a shred of help in times of need? Take, for example, this afternoon. This woman that worked in the coffee shop I was studying at was leaving after her shift. 15 minutes later, she comes back in, saying that her car has a flat tire. Granted, she said that Triple A was coming to help, but none the less, I could have offered some assistance. Instead, I make a comment about how she just couldn't leave the place. At the time, I thought I was being witty and light-hearted about the situation, but come to think of it now, I probably sounded downright insensitive. Ugh. Jerky! Won't happen again.

3. I need to tone down the caffeine if I am to successfully go to sleep @ around the 12-to-1am time frame.

4. It may be a little late now, but I think I need a highlighter with some color other than bright yellow.

5. I could go for some pie. Apple or pecan would do. =(

6. Since I can't sleep yet, I figured I'd do some more studying and stop procrastinating...

Good night.

Song of the day: "Closer" - Travis

More, more, more

Another sleepless night. I have a couple more lectures and some reading to do before I turn in. I figured I'd procrastinate a bit and blow off some steam. Or whatever's PG about it. The 3 weeks are slowly whittling down to 2. And I still have a lot more to do. I think I have a good plan right now. Do some lectures in the morning and by the evening, do as many questions as I can (at least 100+). Pathology and the rest of the body systems are getting a once over. After this week, it will all be Micro, Pharm, and OMM until the bitter end. Grrr. Just keep working and you'll be all right. Bring it.
I'm thinking of going to Acadia National Park (Thanks Jon, for suggesting it) in Maine for the highpoint of my roadtrip. Then cover the rest of the state and whatever else I missed on the way back. One of few things I'm actually looking forward to doing. I also got my 3rd year rotation schedule, so it's kinda nice and sobering to know that there is an abundance of work ahead, after I get back. No sweat, right? Right.
It's nice to get encouragement from time to time. I met some 4th year friends of mine today. They're enjoying their month off right now before they head out to their internships. Just the mere fact alone that they were standing there, graduated, giving me a pep talk is a good enough affirmation that there is light at the end of this tunnel. Things have been worse. I just have to keep moving, day in and day out. The work is good and I don't mind it as much as I used to. It keeps me sane (weird, I know).
That's it for now, I guess. I'll write again if there is something more substantial that's worth writing about.
Good night.

Song of the day: "Sad Song" - The Spring Standards

I'm a sucker for harmony. And this song ain't really sad at all =)

Warm...

3 more weeks before I take the boards. I want to get this over with, but everytime I take a practice test, I still feel unready. Slowly getting to the score that I want. I'm glad I get a few more days before the big one.
Happy Memorial Day. I hope you got to spend it with loved ones, relaxing and enjoying the good weather. I'm inside the house, feeling unmotivated and a little tired.
I need coffee. Badly. I made a bad decision about drinking a red eye (my new favorite drink) this past Saturday night. I was able to study, alright, but getting to bed at a reasonable time was absolutely out of the question that night. I was reading a pathology book til 4 in the bloody morning, and didn't really sleep til 6. Woke up @ 10 for mass. I had awful dreams tho. It's like my brain was punishing me for making it stay awake past what it normally wanted. It was not a restful sleep at all.
I decided that I will take a small roadtrip up the northeast after the big exam. A chance to see some old friends, new places, and hopefully clear my mind. There's just way too much crap in there that needs to be emptied out. Crap that I don't need, never needed. This is a nice chance for me to reset myself before rotations begin. Also, I get to test out my new camera...it's actually my brother's old Canon Rebel. I bought it from him for cheap because he got a new, cooler one. I'll put some nice pics up when I get around to it.
I hope you're all well and doing well. If you're reading this, send some good love my way. I can always use it. If I haven't seen ya or talked to you in a while, I hope I can fix that sooner rather than later.
Ok, time I get myself going. That's all for now. More next time.

Song of the day: "It's Not True" - William Fitzsimmons

And so it goes

So, it's been almost a year since last I wrote something in here. Lots has happened. New Orleans (Habitat for Humanity) was a lot of fun. Just being able to put in a good day's worth of work for the benefit of those needing lots of help was a good thing for the soul. And getting to play in the Bourbon St. nightlife was also pretty groovy. Thanks to Meg and Mirv for coming to NOLA and showing me the sights. Let's do it again next time =).
The Migrant Worker Clinic turned out well too. There were lots of patients to see and they were very grateful for even the smallest thing we can do for them. Really made me realize that healthcare should be more accessible to the public. On a brighter note, I got to practice my Spanish and my vital sign skills.
Teaching or at least, assisting in the Prematric program was a great way to make new friends and review my anatomy/OMM. Also, it made me realize finally that I'm not cut out to be a teacher. I hate...repeat...HATE grading papers.
The fall and spring semesters of 2nd year were nothing but one big sequence of trials...droning on and on. Endless days and sleepless nights of learning Path, Pharm, and Medicine...plus other peripheral classes...oh and don't forget to season the whole thing with the day-to-day drama (yes, life still exists out of med school). After review for Boards, I felt like I haven't really learned anything solid in the past 10 months of 2nd sem. It was like, ok, lets memorize for the test, then regurgitate. Rinse. Repeat. And now, it's Boards time. Just when I thought I was done shoveling 500 medical pancakes down my throat, I have to do it all over again for Step 1. I have less than a month left to prepare. Saddle up kiddies...it's gonna be a bumpy ride.
On the upside, I'm looking forward to 3rd year. Every day is a day closer to my goal. Yes, it's difficult now (hell, it's been difficult all year long, especially the end of the spring sem), but all of this is just prologue to the good stuff. So far I'm still alive, still standing and keeping myself open for better things ahead. And all the prep work/heartache/backache/sleep-deprivation I'm doing now is paving the way for all of that, so no worry about a t'ing cuz every lil thing gon' be alright.
Yea, I have good and bad days, but so does everybody. I figure, it's just another opportunity for me to make things right. And pretty much that's all I can do, for now.
There are ideas in the making...I'll keep you posted as things progress.

Ciao.

Song of the Day: "Caroline" - The Belleville Outfit

December, almost.

Can't believe that the months just passed by. Almost done w/ the semester. I didn't do as well as I'd hoped but I didn't completely suck either...not yet, anyway. 2 finals down, 3 more to go. Thanksgiving was a blessing, but it was too short. Looking forward to the winter break and give my broken brain a rest.

What I've learned this year:
-A whole lot of biochem...and I hope it sticks this time, after the endless hours of tortured studying.
-A whole lot of Physio...Must really make an effort to make all of this stick. Why must god make the brain, heart, lungs, kidneys, GI, etc. so complicated?
-A whole lot of OMM...do you HVLA?
-Med School is like a gym. You either love it or you hate it. And you can tone your arms w/ the heavy books you carry all the time.
-Gray's Anatomy is LIES!
-Coffee is a necessary evil.
-Sleep whenever you can. If you're not studying or having sex, or both, then get your ass to bed.
-I need a Mac.
-Girls are still evil.
-I can make sushi.

That's all I got. I gotta study now. Peace.

27

Happy birthday to me!

Now that I'm one year older, there are some things I'd like to acknowledge and several persons to thank:

-To my family, immediate and extended...thank you for not being sick or dying, and for getting better if you were sick. And thank you for everything.

-To my friends, old and new...thank you for sticking by me. Also, thank you for calling me out on my many idiocies as well as looking out for me. If I made any mistakes towards you, my apologies. I'll try to make it up somehow.

-To my one and only...Maybe this year, perhaps. Here's to hoping.

-To God...you sure do know how to make things interesting.

_____________________________________________________________________________________


Letsee...Some pseudo-important things (to me at least) that I have accomplished between the age of 26 and 27 (drum roll, please):

1. Got into Med School (Woo Hoo!!).

2. Stayed alive for one more year (nice).

3. Got into better shape - well, I have a two-pack. 4 more and we got ourselves a party! Oh and I can run 7 miles if I really have to.

4. Went on a few dates...albeit none of them panned out. It was some fun, tho =).

5. I learned how to make a website ::raising the dork flag::

6. Managed to build a "modest" library of fictional literature, thanks to the local library and second-hand book stores, which also means that I've read a whole lot this past year (that's saying something for a guy who used to hate books).

7. Broadened my palate for wine.

8. I am more open to country and folk music now. Yeehaw!

9. Somehow, I've managed to put 40,000 miles on my car...and most of the driving was in Jersey...yikes.

10. I finally cleaned my room.

Hmmmm

I suck at witty conversation and funny banter. Can anybody help? I suppose not. Oh well, I suppose I'll just have to work on my body. I sure as hell can't impress anybody with my convo skillz.

Wine makes me stupid, but I figure, if everybody else is drinking as fast as I am, then it won't seem that bad, provided I don't remember what happened.

DRINK MERLOT!!!

Pizza is better with friends, especially with good friends.

Christmas in June is always a sure fire way to make me happy. That, and the Yankees winning.

Take lots of pictures. It makes for a wonderful evening!

Running behind

I feel that everything around me is moving at a much faster rate. Maybe the earth's solar rotation is increasing in velocity or maybe I'm just getting bogged down more and more by certain things that I have become slow. A few years ago, my father asked me about marriage. I told him that I might not even be ready for a while. I was 22 back then. Four years later, here I am contemplating the fact that my father started a family when he was 25, leaving me wondering if I'll ever be ready. I suppose not, considering my personal track record. Past relationships were all too short, too few and far between. The few that stand out the most have left their battle scars, enough to make me skiddish about the idea of love. I think I'm completely over one thing then I find out that I'm not. Not entirely, but just enough to keep me awake at night. It feels like all my other friends, my past loves have moved on with their lives, have reached new levels in their careers or relationships...getting promoted, engaged, married, getting pregnant. And here I am, slowly bringing up the rear.
I'm happy and grateful about my acceptance into med school, but I wish I was already in and doing work just so I can say that I'm on my way, that I too, have moved on and maybe even gained some speed. Perhaps I'm overreacting and I may just need a little sleep.