Hello!

My sister just gave birth to a 7 lb 2oz baby girl this past Monday.
Olivia's the name, don't wear it out.
C-section.  Had to be done.  She was stubborn from the get go.
Both mom and baby girl are doing fine.
I'm an uncle now! Officially!
Thankful, proud, and happy.  That's me in a nutshell right now.
Now if only the allergies would stop, I would feel even better.

Song of the day: "Something Beautiful" - Trombone Shorty

Exercise in futility

I don't know why but my current rotation just leaves me feeling dumber than when I came in, especially on days when I am post-call. 
There were other rotations I had done before that I think were just as rigorous and I was fine, but somehow this one really manages to suck the life out of me.  I'm trying my best.  I really am.  It just seems never good enough for them.  I'm not good enough.
The really sad part is just when I was feeling a little more comfortable about treating patients, now I've become more tentative and unsure of myself. 

Song of the day: "Lost In My Mind" - The Head And The Heart

Give thanks

Happy thanksgiving everyone!

There are always many things in our lives that we can gripe about (please see the previous numerous entries), but we must always remember the few things in our lives that we can be thankful for.  These are the things that help to sustain us in our hard times.  These are the things that help to put our minds and lives into perspective, knowing that so many more people out there are much less fortunate than us.  And perhaps we all should be moved to share such good fortune with our neighbors and fellowmen.  Not just so we can feel better about ourselves or prove to others that we are charitable or better than they are or gain brownie points for heaven, but more so to remind us that wishing for a better world doesn't begin with the next person...No.  It begins with us.  And it doesn't take much to do a good deed...a simple thank you, a smile for the day, a helping hand, hell a simple silent moment so we can listen better to what the other person is trying to tell us.  Whatever you can think or do to make another's day a little better does count for a lot.  Now, imagine if that simple human decency is carried out by everybody...wow.  I think it would blow many people's minds as to how peaceful our race can really be.  Perhaps then, we might be recognized by the aliens as a species that's worthy of inclusion in the grand galactic federation of planets.  Perhaps.
The point is, it is only too easy to fall into hard times.  There is no talisman that can ward off the next illness or the next financial loss or the next catastrophe.  Our good deeds may not prevent the end of the world, but we can always hope to inspire a few more souls out there with our humble yet powerful actions, and maybe, just maybe...even at the end of the world, life itself, wouldn't be so bad.  Not when we can be thankful for each other.
And so, here are my thank yous...
1. To my family, for being themselves.  Despite all my arguing and bellyaching, they are always there for me.  Love you and thank you!
2. To new friends.  You know who you are.  Thank you for your time, support, and most of all, your acceptance of this eccentric, odd duckling.  It's nice to know I have a place to stay when I'm in your neighborhood.  And yes, you can stay with me when you're in my neck of the woods.
3. To old friends.  It's nice to know that we can always pick up where we left off even if we haven't seen each other in a long while.  That, and I can always rely on you all if I need to get rid of a body...figuratively speaking, of course.
4. To my health.  While it may not exactly be good, it can always be worse.
5. To those who helped me along the way...through med school, rotations, sub-I's, for sharing their couches, food, wisdom and good company...many many thanks!
6. To my car, for being such a trooper after all the miles of driving up and down Jersey and many points outside...way outside!
7. To the hard times.  Yes, I know what I said.  They always tear me down, but somehow I find myself always built up.  Better (It also helps when you have family and friends to back you up).
8. To my Garmin Nuvi, for ALMOST always getting me there.  One request...please learn how to navigate through the Philadelphia suburbs.  Other than that, you're golden!  Thank you.
9. To Haribo Gummy Bears.  Even though you chipped one of my fillings, I can't stay mad at you.  You're just so good!
10. To Wikipedia.  Well, I'm sure many of you can figure out why =).

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!  SHARE THE LOVE!!!

Song of the day: "The Elephant Love Medley" - Moulin Rouge (Soundtrack)

Self Dx

OK...after much research, I think I have found a diagnosis for my ailment.

Eczema. Pure and simple. Nummular eczema, I think, to be specific...with matching hand eczema to boot. What pisses me off is that I have no idea what specifically triggered this.
So, I think my dermatologist got my diagnosis wrong, but her prescribed treatment is appropriate for the diagnosis I came up with for myself. The sad part is, I don't know exactly how long I'm to be on the steroids. My skin is drying out: good for the itchy parts, but bad because my skin gets really thin, and it cracks and bleeds. Also, I think I'm having a pretty bad resurgence of acne because of the steroids as well.
The disease process also doesn't necessarily abate like an infection or an injury. I don't have a time frame for how long this condition will last. For now, I'm calling it sub-acute, considering it's been more than a month and it's somewhat under control.
In summary: I'm a poor med student with itchy, bad skin...who owns a car that's making concerning noises despite multiple, costly interventions...and lives out of a suitcase, currently looking for a job. And I'm single. And hungry.

Could be worse.

I could be constipated too.

Song of the day: "Dream About The Future" - The Apples In Stereo

Disappointed

My faith in the medical field is starting to wane. When it seemed like my condition was beginning to abate on a course of steroids, after the pills were finished, my malady began to surface once more. Frankly, I'm disappointed that the medication only masked my symptoms for a while. And I'm not entirely convinced that the doctor got my diagnosis exactly right.

I'm uncomfortable, I'm itchy, and I'm starting to look like Quasimodo...at least, my hands do, anyway.

And the timing couldn't be any more perfect. For the next 3 months, I will be doing a lot of traveling to different rotation sites and various residency interviews. At a time when personality, board scores, and looks are taken into consideration, I am deathly afraid that I might end up going into one of these interviews all covered in band aids and looking like a psychotic leper.

I need help. And I need it, fast. :(

Song of the day: "Repo Man" - Ray LaMontagne and the Pariah Dogs

Ermmm...sorry.

For being away so long, I apologize.

I have been sick. For about a month.

At first I thought I was having a bad allergic reaction to something I don't know.

Then the hives got worse and then I thought "bedbugs." I know, gross.

I became quite paranoid and pretty much vacuumed and cleaned and recleaned and re-recleaned everything I had.

But the damn hives didn't get any better...that is until I was put on steroids.
Apparently it was an allergic reaction to either a viral or a bacterial infection that I had recently.

Well, so far, the itchiness and hives have gone away for the most part. Lets hope they stay away for good once I finish the steroid regimen.

On another note, I went to a friend's wedding and managed a slow dance with one of her friends towards the end of the reception. Then I asked for her number (my friend's friend). Then she gave it to me. Problem is, she lives in Connecticut and getting in touch with her is a bit dodgy. I called her a week ago, she called me today, I texted back. I'll call her again tomorrow to see if I can make a date happen.

So my Massachusetts rotation is all finished. It was a very mixed outcome at the end of it all. I had an Honors and Pass grade...I guess I wasn't as good in my last rotation as I thought I was. On the upside, I did learn a lot, and I enjoyed myself there for the most part. Now if only they'd send me an invite for an interview.

Speaking of which, I have 11 residency interviews to date. The first one, being done this past week. Not much to go on. Lots of vague questions, and plenty of me, being absolutely nervous and possibly babbling the whole time. That and I was fighting the fatigue from the night before, not being able to sleep properly because I was so nervous. I hope the next interview will be better.

So, that is my update. More to come soon, I'm sure.

Song of the day: "Intro" -> "Crystalized" - The XX (Live)

Hey, remember that time...

I had just finished my first gen chem exam during my freshman year in college.  
It was Hard.  With a capital H.
All I wanted to do afterwards was eat soft chew cookies. With milk.
So I went to the grocery store and picked up a pack of Chips Ahoy and a quart of milk.
I ate the cookies.  The milk, I put in the fridge and forgot about it.
A few days later, I got worried that the milk might go bad, so I bought another thing of cookies and this time I drank the milk with them (and yes, I did check the expiration date...and it was still good).
A few hours later, I had all sorts of stomach problems.  Painful and noisy stomach problems.
I thought about the milk being the culprit.
So I called my friend, Chris and told him about how I got gyped by buying fast-expiring milk, even tho it tasted fine.
He said I had lactose intolerance.
I never had problems tolerating lactose-containing foods before.  I refused to believe.
I told him that if I did have lactose intolerance, I'll just keep drinking milk until I grow a tolerance for it.
And so I did.
Bad idea.
Really bad idea.

And that's how I found out that I had lactose intolerance.

The End.

Song of the day: "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life" - Eric Idle (Monty Python)

Useless

Now I know I really don't look forward to getting old.

Case in point, this weekend. Instead of being a good medical student and go to board review class, I decided to do a little self review, which is fine and dandy. Benefits: I could multitask and not have to worry about getting caught nodding off. So I bust out the computer. Lo and behold, the internet doesn't work. After a few hours of fiddling around with the modem and the router to no improvement, I gave up. I figured, "I'll do laundry first, get some subject reading done in the interim, and when the load is done, I'll hightail it to the nearest coffee shop fro some free internet. Just so we're clear, the internet is essential for study because I need to to access Kaplan's question bank...and not to surf or blog...but I digress.
So to the hamper I go. I bend over and pick up the colored pile and before I could straighten out, a sneeze overcame me. That's when I realized that something had gone horribly wrong...

It was over in a second and I was Done, with a capital D, down for the count, literally. That little sneeze had sent my lower back into such horrible spasm, that I actually fell to the ground in pain. Sharp, stabbing pain in my lumbar area. Tears welled up in my eyes and I began cursing up a storm, hoping that I could intimidate my sciatica away. It never abated. So for 15 minutes or so, I was on my back, like a flipped turtle, praying that it would all go away. After much deliberation I managed to crawl my way to the bathroom, to the medicine cabinet, looking for some Tylenol. I can't take anything else because I'm allergic to the other pain killers. Wouldn't you know, only 2 tabs are left. Better than nothing. I took them and began making my trip to my room, one agonizing step at a time. I positioned myself as comfortably as possible and passed out.

I woke up in darkness. I check the blackberry: 9:15. I slept the whole afternoon away. I checked my back. Pain's still there. Crap. I tried getting up. It was doable but with great difficulty. I shuffled my way to the kitchen and somehow managed to make a pb&j sammich. I ate in complete silence.

Phone calls to friends/family would have been made, but it was already night and since I'm not one to bother, wouldn't think of calling unless it's absolutely essential (the word 'cripple' came to mind and I just didn't like it at all). So it was like that the whole night. Slow shuffling to the sink, to the bathroom, to my room. I managed to get my study book out and crawled into bed where I read and crashed, till the next day, when my sister came back from her trip and was able to pick me up some extra Tylenol and Capsaicin (try it on sore muscles and joints...works like a charm!).

And there you have it, folks. Another potentially productive weekend, wasted because of a sneeze. Yet one more reason why growing old sucks.

Song of the day: When I'm 64" - The Beatles

Lesson learned

Never ever run with a headache...especially if it was a caffeine withdrawal one.
Nearly puked my guts out after mile 1. And of course it doesn't help if it's 80+ degrees outside with the humidity close to 90%. Yuck.

Date: 05/31/10
Distance: 3.30 miles
Time: 43:09
Pace: 13.02 per mile
Calories: 373
Weight: 151 lbs
Short-term Goal: Shave 3 minutes off of my pace. And maintain caffeination.
Long-term Goal: lose 15 lbs.

Song of the day: "World Spins Madly On" - The Weepies

Hmmm

The wind is absolutely ridiculous today and tonight.
It threw a branch at my windshield on my way to the movies this evening! Good thing my windshield is branch resistant.
Saw Ironman 2 with baby brother and nephew. Awesome boys night out. This was a much needed break from doing double duty all week (studying for Peds SHELF exam while reviewing Head and Neck anatomy for the sake of tutoring 1st years effectively does not a happy 3rd year med student make).
I am currently gutting through a mildish stomach ache. I don't know if it is some sort of a viral thing caught from the pediatrics office or some other place (despite my constant hand washing, picking up bugs comes as second nature to me), or the beef w/ broccoli this afternoon, or the pack of Haribo Gummy Bears I scarfed down during the movie...whatever it is, I am not a big fan at the moment.
Peds week has moved from the ER to the office. And I like it! The doctors are nice, the nurses are great, and the babies are ridiculously cute...even when they're sick! One of the docs told me that I work well with kids and that I seem to like what I'm doing and that I should consider Peds as an option. Once more, indecision rears its ugly head. Ugh, why can't I just stick to one thing?
Mom's day tomorrow. The fam is taking my mom and mom-in-law (well, my sister's mom-in-law) to Arthur's steakhouse. Should be delicious and fun.

I still can't sleep. Now I have this song running through my head.

Song of the day: "Sara Smile" - Brian McKnight (Hall & Oates Cover)

A day in the life

5:30am - woke up to 3 alarm clocks blaring. 30 seconds later, my eyes start itching, followed by a barrage of sneezes. Hopped out of bed and went straight to the bathroom for the allergy medicine.

6:30am - off to the hospital for some daily workage. In desperate need of caffeine.

7am - going over the patient list with the docs. Only 4 preggos, which means...a short morning rounds and a longer breakfast time. To the caf!

7:45am - 1st cup of coffee, done. A little more awake. Feeling slightly dry from the allergy medicine, but grateful that eyes stopped itching/sneezing subsided.

8am - Clinic. Seeing many mom-to-be's, getting ultrasounds and measurements of their little (or not so little, I should say) bundles of joy. Slowly getting bored.

10:15am - saw the youngest mom in the lot for today (20 yrs old), followed by the biggest mom (easily 450+ lbs w/ baby - BTW, she's a very non-compliant diabetic). Staring in incredulity.

10:30am - coffee wearing off...must've zoned out as the tech tried to explain what she was doing (honestly, I can't help it. The room is made dark so the Ultrasound screen can be seen).

11am - resorted to standing up just so I can stay awake. Started reading paper on ectopic pregnancies - lots of crazy facts. Bottom line: ectopics are not fun. Trust me.

11:45am - Handed a tissue to a mom who was distraught over the news the doctor gave her about her pregnancy...located a mass (most likely benign, but none the less) inside baby's head...will need further testing and imaging. Felt bad.

12pm - Lunch. Got 2nd cup of coffee. Attending reached inside my pocket to grab a scrap piece of paper. And yet another round of tasteless, yet funny banter ensued.

12:40pm - Back at the clinic. Saw twins in the oven.

1:45pm - genetic counseling w/ K. Never saw anybody explain 3 genetic diseases so fast in all my life. Bravo, K!

2pm - Eyes are getting dry (unfortunate side-effect of the allergy medicine), which is making my teeth all achy (weird, I know...then again, it could be CN V), which is giving me a headache, which is accentuated by my caffeine-induced dehydration (diuretic effect), which is driving me up the wall. Is it quitting time yet???

3pm - was dismissed from clinic and headed back to the hospital to take my daily quiz...woo hoo.

4pm - dismissed from hospital. Next stop, Library.

4:30 - 8pm - Made copies of articles, read a little, dozed off a little, facebooked a little (ok, maybe not so little)...feeling overwhelmed by how much crap there is to know about women and their vags. Nothing is ever simple with you ladies.

8:30pm - dinner @ home. More studying afterwards.

11:50pm - Threw book across the room in disgust. Blogging about how I still having that twangy, achy feeling in my teeth because of my dry eyes. Prepping for bed.

Rinse.

Repeat.

Song of the day: "Junebug" - Robert Francis

Down for the count

Curse you, you stomach bug! Curses!
You may have won this battle, but mark my words, I will emerge from this agony of stomach cramps and nausea, a stronger person.  And I swear, you will pay dearly for the pain you have caused.  Dearly, you hear me!
You will RUE the day!
Go ahead...start rue-ing!

Song of the day: "I'm Tired" - Madeline Kahn (Blazing Saddles)

Homey home home

Decided to go home to the 'rents' today. Was planning on making an early start, but my internal clock is all messed up thanks to my week of night call. So, instead of waking up @ 9am, like a good little boy, I didn't rouse until 1pmish. And to make matters worse, I missed my oil change appointment. GRRRR! Now I have to wait one more week to get this done. My poor Mahal (my car) needs some upkeep, bad.

On another note, my mother, bless her soul, is reliving her version of a medical nightmare... lemme 'splain.
She used to suffer from terrible trigeminal neuralgia...so bad in fact, that the slightest touch on her face would send her into agony. She would have good and bad days, and when they're bad...they put her down good (nausea, vomiting, and intractable pain). She was prescribed lots of drugs: from TCAs to various anti-epileptics, to no avail. Either she'd have rebound pain or the side-effects would be too much for her. So a few years ago, she decided to have Gamma Knife Surgery @ a prestigious NYC hospital, for which she paid a hefty sum of money, out of pocket I might add, since this type of procedure is not covered by normal health insurance...it worked. For 3 years, it worked.
Fast forward to now. She's been having bad bouts of TN and had to resort back to her meds, which zonk her out, preventing her from functioning during the day. Taking it at night is an option, but come morning, the effects wear off and she spends the rest of the day in pain. So, seeing that GK surgery was unsuccessful at permanently keeping her pain-free, and the drugs don't seem to work for her either...I have suggested that my mother see an Osteopath (DO) for some Craniosacral treatment. Being that I'm a soon-to-be DO, I want to see how this treatment, developed by my predecessors, stacks up to my mom's disease process and to prove or disprove (to myself) the validity of said treatment. We've explored all other non-invasive procedures. I hope this one takes, otherwise...it may be another expensive dose of GKS or worse, the real knife surgery.

Song of the day: "The Drugs Don't Work" - Ben Harper

Yet another reason to hate the allergy season

As if I'm not miserable enough, I find another way to make myself feel worse.
I hurt my back.
How, you ask?
Not from lifting heavy patients.
Not from pushing beds or shelving boxes.
Not from moving my furniture or doing manual labor.
Not even from working out.

I sneezed.
I was getting my breakfast when I sneezed, and then my back went out.
I wish there was some other manly story that would justify this injury, but no.
So for the rest of the day, I was walking around like a bent, old fart, shuffling from one side of the room to the other, holding my back and grimacing with every move that required me to sit, stand, bend, or twist. If this is what we have to look forward to when we hit retirement, I say, let me die quickly the day before and no later.

If I ever find out that someone was using a voodoo doll on me...they can be sure that I will come down upon them with the wrath of Jack Bauer (because God is on Jack's side).

Ah, May. Choke.

Never attempt to run while your allergies are flaring. You'd think that I'd be smarter than to try this ridiculously dumb feat, but, never underestimate the power of stoopid, especially this one. I thought..."eh, 3 miles, can't be that long." A little after 2 miles later, I was sucking air and sounding like a broken accordion. Good thing I got my wind back after some time and was able to finish what's left of my pathetic attempt at a workout. I did my back routine, so it was ok. But still, after 2 weeks of long driving, moving in to my new apartment, house shopping, work, and just simply trying to avoid a considerable exposure to pollen and dust, I've been held back from the gym and I'm absolutely feeling like crap.

My nose makes a squeeky noise when I breathe in.

Since I can't fall asleep, I write to you instead, with one working nostril...make that one working and one leaking. It is warm in my room and I don't have a fan. I can't open my window since it would mean the death of me...so I am tired, uncomfortably warm, gross, and sweaty.

May = Misery. Snot-filled misery.

Curse you, Dreamweaver!!!

After hours of staring at the computer screen and trying numerous attempts at getting my friend's website to work, (I'm sorry, Kev, I tried...) I accepted defeat. It is 2 in the morning and I am a sad, sad state of a boy with tears pouring out of my eyes and mucus running down my nose...partly because I failed, but mostly because I have succumbed to another allergy attack. I am tired and I can hardly breathe. I will try again in a few hours after a much needed nap, but I can't make promises. Learning how to be a web designer without professional tutelage does present a steep learning curve...and as usual, my brother refuses to help. Why does he feel the need to lord his skills over me when I need his expertise? Bastard...

Falling Apart

This past December, I had a cold. It was pretty bad, but I got through it, and probably got other people at work sick as well (way to spread the love). This January, I had another bout of cold, but it lasted for about 2 days. Hurray for the immune system. This past Thursday, I had a sore throat that eventually felt like a cold, what with all the aches and pains and headaches and stuff it brought along. Then just when I thought I was getting over that, the weekend brought in a scratchy throat, sneezing, dry coughing, and stuffy nose. Dry air or allergies? Ugh.
I'm falling apart at the seams.
Pity me.
::cough, cough::