So either I'm suffering from what seems to be the beginnings of a cold or just a flare-up of my allergies. Other than that, the day was actually pretty good...I suppose I can say that since there's only 5 minutes left of this day and I don't really have to worry about jynxing it anymore. Tomorrow, I will wrap up my first rotation. It's bye-bye family med, hello radiology.
The last couple of weeks have been for the most part, fairly pleasant. Despite the long commute (1 hour from Cherry Hill to Vineland) to my community service site, I enjoyed my time spent in the Occupational Health Office. All the people in there were very chill and funny, especially my preceptor. He was good enough to let me see his patients and allowed me a decent amount of independence. I even got to suture 2 people (with him assisting, of course). I had a great deal of patient exposure and was very thankful for it. I even found a sweet Puerto Rican Restaurant that has awesome Yellow rice and beans because of this rotation. I wish the rest of the year would go as well as these past two weeks did.
In other news, I went to a bachelor party for my good friend CP this past weekend in NYC. It's weird, when I think about it, 8 years ago, we were just on the other side of the Hudson, looking out 12 miles to the east, on a beautiful autumn day, watching the tragedy of the two towers unfold before our eyes. We were so young then...technically we're still young now, but a lot has happened in the past 8 years. He's gonna be married soon, to a good friend of mine. And this past weekend, we celebrated his good fortune in a city that once grieved, but now seems rejuvenated again...but never forgetting. We took him through pub crawls, Chinatown dive restaurants, Irish taverns, Historic hole-in-the-wall joints, the bevy of strip clubs, and faux trailer parks. It's funny how a day can change its meaning if you just give it some time.
My phone buzzed with an email alert as I type this line. About 6 months ago, that same buzz made me swoon in expectation of text messages about mindless prattle, the kind that goes with infatuation. When the buzzing stopped 2 months later, the silence became my torment. The phone, my enemy. The red LED light that flashed when a message was delivered, failed to shine...signifying my neglect...like a forgotten ancient tombstone.
Now it's just a phone again.
You see?
Time.
Song of the day: "Waltz For A Night" - Julie Delpy in Before Sunset
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
Take one down, pass it around
Last Saturday (yes, even on the weekend) was unofficially my last day at the Family Medicine office. That's not to say that I won't be making it back there ever. No, I just finished my office time and now it's on to part 1.1 of the Fam Med rotation...OMM. Yes, this should be fun and interesting. I've done some OMM shadowing before with another DO, but tomorrow (or should I say, today) will be my official rotation. I will be doing this for 2 weeks, then followed by another 2 weeks of Community Service (AHEC). Quite looking forward to it, actually.
Things I learned during FM rotation:
1. Learn to shut your mouth and just listen. Most of the time, pts. will tell you all you need to know.
2. We have no pity for drug-seekers. EVER.
3. There's nothing you can't say in 2 minutes that I can't say in 20 (Thank you, Dr. H.).
4. Read. It's the best thing you can do for yourself.
5. I hate (yes,HATE) giving presentations, much more so than taking exams.
6. I just might add Psychiatry to my list of possible specialties...might.
7. Like most things, practice is the key to making the hard things look easy. Just make sure you're practicing the right thing.
8. I need to learn my drugs better, like yesterday.
9. Giving presentations and taking exams will be a constant in my profession. Frick!
10. I'm a magnet for chronic pain sufferers...maybe they're trying to tell me something.
On a different note, today, I played some rhythm guitar with a few of my school buddies. It was a pretty long session and the damn AC wasn't working and he kept the backyard door open to get some air circulation...which wasn't happenin' exactly. It was pretty uncomfortable, but we had fun figuring out the new songs. The cover line up for our impromptu band's performance in 10 days is very eclectic to say the least:
1. Owner of A Lonely Heart - Yes
2. Suzie Q - Creedance Clearwater Revival
3. Fantasy - Mariah Carey
4. Gold Lion - The Yeah Yeah Yeahs
5. Footsteps In The Dark - The Isley Brothers
(6. Plush - Stoned Temple Pilots) -> this is still in the works
I've never played as a guitarist in a band setting before. this should be quite interesting. Oh, and did I mention that we have our SHELF exam the next day after the concert? Brilliant. Good times...
Song of the day: "Footsteps In The Dark" - The Isley Brothers
Things I learned during FM rotation:
1. Learn to shut your mouth and just listen. Most of the time, pts. will tell you all you need to know.
2. We have no pity for drug-seekers. EVER.
3. There's nothing you can't say in 2 minutes that I can't say in 20 (Thank you, Dr. H.).
4. Read. It's the best thing you can do for yourself.
5. I hate (yes,HATE) giving presentations, much more so than taking exams.
6. I just might add Psychiatry to my list of possible specialties...might.
7. Like most things, practice is the key to making the hard things look easy. Just make sure you're practicing the right thing.
8. I need to learn my drugs better, like yesterday.
9. Giving presentations and taking exams will be a constant in my profession. Frick!
10. I'm a magnet for chronic pain sufferers...maybe they're trying to tell me something.
On a different note, today, I played some rhythm guitar with a few of my school buddies. It was a pretty long session and the damn AC wasn't working and he kept the backyard door open to get some air circulation...which wasn't happenin' exactly. It was pretty uncomfortable, but we had fun figuring out the new songs. The cover line up for our impromptu band's performance in 10 days is very eclectic to say the least:
1. Owner of A Lonely Heart - Yes
2. Suzie Q - Creedance Clearwater Revival
3. Fantasy - Mariah Carey
4. Gold Lion - The Yeah Yeah Yeahs
5. Footsteps In The Dark - The Isley Brothers
(6. Plush - Stoned Temple Pilots) -> this is still in the works
I've never played as a guitarist in a band setting before. this should be quite interesting. Oh, and did I mention that we have our SHELF exam the next day after the concert? Brilliant. Good times...
Song of the day: "Footsteps In The Dark" - The Isley Brothers
Sunday, August 9, 2009
The drive home
I always enjoy the long drive, especially when it's a quiet, moonlit night. Leaving my parents' house to go back home, lots of things come to mind in the peace of my car's cabin. I open the sun roof and let the steely moonbeams flood in. It had just rained and the clouds are lazily drifting apart, letting the moon come up. The weather's cooled down, especially in this time of night, after the rain. There's plenty of haze coming off of the land and the asphalt, as the late showers and the night's dew draw out the day's heat in the eerie form of mist and shadow.
I think it's times like this that would actually make for a pretty good ghost hunt. The mind is more susceptible to the supernatural when the setting is right...the bright moon, the cool, wet temperature, the mystery of the fog - the vehicle of spirits who laid asleep in the earth. Remnants of their ghosty limbs cling to the pinions of supernatural smoke and cloud, giving them a fleeting form in the moonlight. They come up to haunt, but not to scare...
I think ghosts are leftover potential energy that are caught up in this state of existence. My sense is that, these spirits, these souls, are still here because they had not fulfilled what it was they needed to do while they were still alive. Consider, if you will, life as we know it, as a series of events that are somehow intricately interweaved, interconnected...then each connection that is made is driven by forces that govern the units which articulate in order to make said connection. The soul is that force that drives the unit, the body, to articulate and make the connection, which drives this process known as life forward, like an automaton brought to life by electricity, magnetism, heat, light, energy, coursing through its wires and circuits. But the system is not completely hardy. There are unaccounted variables that come into play and despite all of life's efforts to make all its connections, some units tend to break down. People die, by all sorts of means, some never get to do what it was they were meant to do. However, like any good system, a backup, a redundancy, a failsafe device is always built in to preserve the system should a catastrophic event occur...in this case, influence.
What do I mean? People say they've seen ghosts or spirits. Other people believe that they can commune with the dead. Still others feel the presence of the dead and continually believe in the afterlife. For whatever reason, the dead, even after they have decomposed, still influence us. And I believe that, despite their lack of physicality, they make up for it in energy, and they move us like a magnet moves iron filings through a piece of paper. I do not know if there is a consciousness to this effect, but if there is, then it must do so for the reason of preserving the continuity that is life, like any substance that exists in a medium, it must move down a concentration gradient until equilibrium or dynamic flow is achieved.
And so, the dead, the spirits, the souls of others influence the living, to make the connections that they have failed to accomplish when they were still whole. Perhaps the things they were supposed to do are maybe the same things we are meant to do now in our lifetime. Perhaps they influence us because they are connected to us by the job, the thing that needs doing. Perhaps their energy becomes our force, their memory becomes our thought...stored inside our unconsciousness like a capacitor building up the charge, then released in a giant flash of brilliant light.
Convoluted, confusing, but fun stuff for the drive home. And it was a nice night for a drive.
Song of the day: "Tonight, You Belong To Me"
- Steve Martin and Bernadette Peters
I think it's times like this that would actually make for a pretty good ghost hunt. The mind is more susceptible to the supernatural when the setting is right...the bright moon, the cool, wet temperature, the mystery of the fog - the vehicle of spirits who laid asleep in the earth. Remnants of their ghosty limbs cling to the pinions of supernatural smoke and cloud, giving them a fleeting form in the moonlight. They come up to haunt, but not to scare...
I think ghosts are leftover potential energy that are caught up in this state of existence. My sense is that, these spirits, these souls, are still here because they had not fulfilled what it was they needed to do while they were still alive. Consider, if you will, life as we know it, as a series of events that are somehow intricately interweaved, interconnected...then each connection that is made is driven by forces that govern the units which articulate in order to make said connection. The soul is that force that drives the unit, the body, to articulate and make the connection, which drives this process known as life forward, like an automaton brought to life by electricity, magnetism, heat, light, energy, coursing through its wires and circuits. But the system is not completely hardy. There are unaccounted variables that come into play and despite all of life's efforts to make all its connections, some units tend to break down. People die, by all sorts of means, some never get to do what it was they were meant to do. However, like any good system, a backup, a redundancy, a failsafe device is always built in to preserve the system should a catastrophic event occur...in this case, influence.
What do I mean? People say they've seen ghosts or spirits. Other people believe that they can commune with the dead. Still others feel the presence of the dead and continually believe in the afterlife. For whatever reason, the dead, even after they have decomposed, still influence us. And I believe that, despite their lack of physicality, they make up for it in energy, and they move us like a magnet moves iron filings through a piece of paper. I do not know if there is a consciousness to this effect, but if there is, then it must do so for the reason of preserving the continuity that is life, like any substance that exists in a medium, it must move down a concentration gradient until equilibrium or dynamic flow is achieved.
And so, the dead, the spirits, the souls of others influence the living, to make the connections that they have failed to accomplish when they were still whole. Perhaps the things they were supposed to do are maybe the same things we are meant to do now in our lifetime. Perhaps they influence us because they are connected to us by the job, the thing that needs doing. Perhaps their energy becomes our force, their memory becomes our thought...stored inside our unconsciousness like a capacitor building up the charge, then released in a giant flash of brilliant light.
Convoluted, confusing, but fun stuff for the drive home. And it was a nice night for a drive.
Song of the day: "Tonight, You Belong To Me"
- Steve Martin and Bernadette Peters
Friday, August 7, 2009
An itch you can't scratch
Hmmm, one month into my first rotation and already I've managed to mess it up. Not too badly I hope, but it does sting me up a bit. I've somehow made a simple 20 minute presentation into an utter catastrophe just because I got flustered. A few stutters here, a forgotten term or two there, and next thing you know, I'm way over my time and not even close to finishing my presentation. I suppose that's what I get for cramming in way too much info and not keeping it simple. What can I say? I'm a hot mess. I've been that since April.
Other than that, I feel achy. Trying to get myself out of my self-loathing by hitting the gym. So far, so good. 2 pounds down...15 more to go. Today is a rest day. I made dinner for Chris and Rachel and decided on giving my bones (and muscles) a little R and R. Tomorrow, I'll see if I can run a good deal before it gets way too hot.
I'm also feeling surprised...well...more like resigned. I've had an assumption about an anomaly I've been pondering for a while now and as luck would have it, today has brought me some answers...which proved my assumption to be correct...sadly. Sorry to be cryptic but the nature of said anomaly is somewhat sensitive and disclosure over a public channel may not be the wisest of actions. Needless to say, the anomaly has finally resolved itself, despite my disappointment. I don't know if I should pat myself in the back for having my assumption confirmed, or paint a target on my wall and run my head through it. I'm not sure if I could have done anything at the time to diffuse the situation. This anomaly has certainly left quite a mark...one that would leave me more jaded in my appreciation of the world and its inhabitants. For a while, I was seriously giving optimism an honest shot, but the sad truth is that...as an optimist, there's only one way to go...and it can be a long and painful way down. I suppose it was my fault for leaving my nose wide out in the open...and in a firefight, you can't leave anything hanging out, otherwise it's liable to get shot. So there you have it. For me, it's case closed...lesson learned. Ouch.
Thank God for the weekend.
Song of the day: "Forget Her" - Jeff Buckley
Other than that, I feel achy. Trying to get myself out of my self-loathing by hitting the gym. So far, so good. 2 pounds down...15 more to go. Today is a rest day. I made dinner for Chris and Rachel and decided on giving my bones (and muscles) a little R and R. Tomorrow, I'll see if I can run a good deal before it gets way too hot.
I'm also feeling surprised...well...more like resigned. I've had an assumption about an anomaly I've been pondering for a while now and as luck would have it, today has brought me some answers...which proved my assumption to be correct...sadly. Sorry to be cryptic but the nature of said anomaly is somewhat sensitive and disclosure over a public channel may not be the wisest of actions. Needless to say, the anomaly has finally resolved itself, despite my disappointment. I don't know if I should pat myself in the back for having my assumption confirmed, or paint a target on my wall and run my head through it. I'm not sure if I could have done anything at the time to diffuse the situation. This anomaly has certainly left quite a mark...one that would leave me more jaded in my appreciation of the world and its inhabitants. For a while, I was seriously giving optimism an honest shot, but the sad truth is that...as an optimist, there's only one way to go...and it can be a long and painful way down. I suppose it was my fault for leaving my nose wide out in the open...and in a firefight, you can't leave anything hanging out, otherwise it's liable to get shot. So there you have it. For me, it's case closed...lesson learned. Ouch.
Thank God for the weekend.
Song of the day: "Forget Her" - Jeff Buckley
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Ah poo.
It's the same ol' story: Boy gets an assignment. Boy thinks "oh, I got time." Boy goofs off and does other enjoyable activities such as watching old Scrubs reruns, driving aimlessly throughout south Jersey, napping, and the like...and before you know it, crunch time rears it's ugly, pointed head. Boy panics at said ugly head and ends up ruining his weekend so he can catch up. The end.
For once, can I go through the day without procrastinating?
Honestly, if procrastinating was my job, I'd be CEO by now and my personal earnings alone would be enough to pay off the world debt, fix the US economy, and fund universal healthcare...10 times over.
Crappity crap crap.
Song of the day: "The Orchard" - The Bats
"...and here we go a-wassailing around the apple trees again..."
For once, can I go through the day without procrastinating?
Honestly, if procrastinating was my job, I'd be CEO by now and my personal earnings alone would be enough to pay off the world debt, fix the US economy, and fund universal healthcare...10 times over.
Crappity crap crap.
Song of the day: "The Orchard" - The Bats
"...and here we go a-wassailing around the apple trees again..."
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Weekends and stuff
Week 3 of Fam Med is over.
It's been very good so far. But, there's still plenty of stuff to do. And my list of learning issues grows ever longer with no end in sight. But such is the life of a 3rd year, I suppose.
Some things in mind...
1. I have been experiencing a vague sense of urgency lately. As if I'm nagging myself to hurry the hell up with the rest of my life (get a job, get a wife, make a family, be a doctor already, get my own house, pay back my bills, etc...). I don't know if it's my own biological clock or just the relativity of it all when I see myself against many of the people I know who are of similar age as mine when they are doing more "adult" things than me. Feels like I'm just spinning my wheels.
2. I need to finish reading my books. If only I had enough time in the day.
3. I think I aught to make some cookies. I'm about due.
4. I have come to the realization that I Love the Ghostbusters. Nuff said.
5. I have no clue about what to get my mom for her birthday. Help.
6. I got my Board scores back. I passed. =)
7. I need to find a better Dry-Cleaning place. I think the last one I went to gypped me. The pants I asked them to hem are still too damn long! Either that or I'm shrinking.
8. I need to learn how to see patients faster and still give them the appropriate assessment/treatment plan. Sometimes, ya just can't help but feel like an idiot out there.
Eh, that's all I got. Later.
Song of the day: "Long Hot Summer Days" - Sara Watkins
It's been very good so far. But, there's still plenty of stuff to do. And my list of learning issues grows ever longer with no end in sight. But such is the life of a 3rd year, I suppose.
Some things in mind...
1. I have been experiencing a vague sense of urgency lately. As if I'm nagging myself to hurry the hell up with the rest of my life (get a job, get a wife, make a family, be a doctor already, get my own house, pay back my bills, etc...). I don't know if it's my own biological clock or just the relativity of it all when I see myself against many of the people I know who are of similar age as mine when they are doing more "adult" things than me. Feels like I'm just spinning my wheels.
2. I need to finish reading my books. If only I had enough time in the day.
3. I think I aught to make some cookies. I'm about due.
4. I have come to the realization that I Love the Ghostbusters. Nuff said.
5. I have no clue about what to get my mom for her birthday. Help.
6. I got my Board scores back. I passed. =)
7. I need to find a better Dry-Cleaning place. I think the last one I went to gypped me. The pants I asked them to hem are still too damn long! Either that or I'm shrinking.
8. I need to learn how to see patients faster and still give them the appropriate assessment/treatment plan. Sometimes, ya just can't help but feel like an idiot out there.
Eh, that's all I got. Later.
Song of the day: "Long Hot Summer Days" - Sara Watkins
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Happy 4th =)
Week 1 of 3rd year clerkship in Family Medicine is officially done! Where did the time go? Why it seems only yesterday, I was spewing out information to teachers and tests. Now, I'm getting spewed on and learning how to order tests. Wow.
Saw a good deal of patients this past week and some of them were pretty interesting cases, which I dare not go on about at this point. Lets just say, I'm never bored and am seriously learning a lot. Still, I'm slowly getting the hang of writing SOAP notes and doing histories and physicals. Best time so far is 45 minutes (with another med student helping me, of course). I hope to bring that down to 10 minutes, flying solo. I certainly am feeling overwhelmed, but in a good way. So far, the outlook about this rotation is very positive. I have good doctors teaching me and they are being really good role models as far as patient care is concerned.
I've met several good people along the way too. The best ones are the vets. They always have the best stories. God bless'em. They're all fiercely proud about their close calls and battle scars and they know how to tell it like it is. And rightfully so! There was this one gentleman who wasn't even a patient, but the husband of one and he was telling me the story behind the ginormous scar on his shoulder, how he got hit by shrapnel from an exploded bomb during WWII in Austria; how he lay wounded for hours before the medics found him, barely alive; how he only received one shot of morphine to last him the 20-hr., 200+ mile back-country ride to Italy where he was to be operated on; how he was fading in and out of consciousness because of the pain; how later on, his scar resembled the emblem of his division because it looked like a red "T." Pretty kick-ass, to say the least. Then there was this other guy who told me how he survived the bombing of Pearl Harbor and how he was on 2 other ships later on in the Pacific and again, survived at sea after having his ships torpedoed. Honestly, I could've sat there and listened to them all day.
"He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say 'To-morrow is Saint Crispian:'
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars.
And say 'These wounds I had on Crispin's day.'"
Thank a vet for serving next time you see him or her.
Happy 4th of July.
Song of the day: "Chocolate Jesus" - Tom Waits
Saw a good deal of patients this past week and some of them were pretty interesting cases, which I dare not go on about at this point. Lets just say, I'm never bored and am seriously learning a lot. Still, I'm slowly getting the hang of writing SOAP notes and doing histories and physicals. Best time so far is 45 minutes (with another med student helping me, of course). I hope to bring that down to 10 minutes, flying solo. I certainly am feeling overwhelmed, but in a good way. So far, the outlook about this rotation is very positive. I have good doctors teaching me and they are being really good role models as far as patient care is concerned.
I've met several good people along the way too. The best ones are the vets. They always have the best stories. God bless'em. They're all fiercely proud about their close calls and battle scars and they know how to tell it like it is. And rightfully so! There was this one gentleman who wasn't even a patient, but the husband of one and he was telling me the story behind the ginormous scar on his shoulder, how he got hit by shrapnel from an exploded bomb during WWII in Austria; how he lay wounded for hours before the medics found him, barely alive; how he only received one shot of morphine to last him the 20-hr., 200+ mile back-country ride to Italy where he was to be operated on; how he was fading in and out of consciousness because of the pain; how later on, his scar resembled the emblem of his division because it looked like a red "T." Pretty kick-ass, to say the least. Then there was this other guy who told me how he survived the bombing of Pearl Harbor and how he was on 2 other ships later on in the Pacific and again, survived at sea after having his ships torpedoed. Honestly, I could've sat there and listened to them all day.
"He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say 'To-morrow is Saint Crispian:'
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars.
And say 'These wounds I had on Crispin's day.'"
Thank a vet for serving next time you see him or her.
Happy 4th of July.
Song of the day: "Chocolate Jesus" - Tom Waits
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