I found a new study nook. Jersey Java and Tea. I'd put the link up, but the site is not ready yet.
JJT has really good green tea, awesomely large windows, good ambient light, tasty almond biscotti, and comfy leather chairs and tables. Oh, and free Wi-Fi (a definite must). And the satellite radio it pipes in plays really choice tunage (an added bonus). Opens @ 6a, Closes @ 9p. Sweet.
So while busying myself with a few chapters on the luvly subject of gynecology, a song came up on the speakers by a singer/songwriter whom I really dig, Teitur.
Then I was reminded of the Ex, because it was Teitur's songs that I closely associated with her.
Then I got to thinking about how in a few days, she had dumped me exactly a year ago, which made me feel sorry for myself.
Then I got really pissed at myself for feeling sorry for myself.
Then I got really really pissed at the song...to the point where I almost walked over to the barista and asked for the song to be changed...but I hesitated, took a sip of tea, ate my biscotti, and listened. Slowly, it just became a song again.
Afterwards, I got to thinking about how it would be nice to spite her. Really Really Nice! To see her all fat and bloated, with her crap-ass boyfriend, cheating on her. To make her realize how good she had it with me, that she didn't know a good thing if it kicked her upside her head with a steel-toed shoe. Because nothing strikes a woman quite as painful as targeting her vanity...that, and a pair of steel-toed shoes for kicking her ass.
I was maniacally laughing, all mad geniusey-like in my head when my phone rudely interrupted me: an email from my lender, giving me an update on my school loans. Needless to say, the spiting of the Ex was immediately put on ice as my jaw dropped precipitously to the floor, shocked to see how much med school is costing me...
The past 2 years, the numbers were in the 5 digit range. But, sure enough, it has officially hit the 6-figure mark. Sticker shock? Abso-fucking-lutely.
So, exactly HOW am I going to spite her now? When? The mountain just gets bigger and bigger. And the summit is still nowhere in sight.
Song of the day: "Sentimental Heart" - She and Him
2 comments:
Funny how that is - in those moments you know that you are better off without them, that they made their shitastic bed and they can damn well lay in it, frolic in it for all you care, and then there goes life smacking you upside the head - with an oh ya, you think you're so much more put together?
I guess that is how I felt this week with OM, despite how crazy it all is - we measure our success but how fabulous we look, our bank accounts, our trips, success etc. Regardless though I have to say you know you're on the path - press on, because in some ways life is just your journey and no one else's. If you can live with it, then one step in front of the other... trite that is, but hell it's a place to start
Thanks kiddo. I'll do better next time in updating you about the goings on in my world.
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